Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

Last night was fun. She was asleep, DB and I sitting downstairs chatting and I heard her pressing the buttons on her phone so went to listen. She was onto 999 saying she had been screaming for hours, was paralysed and starving... she's turning into one of those statistics of people who misuse emergency services.

Off to buy her a bed for downstairs today, will aim for a low one - that's a good idea. Desperate for a night in my own bed!! Still Labrador Rescue lady coming this morning, so that is my positive for the day.

Its a good idea but tbh they don't often use side bars in hospital because people manage to get part of the way over and fall from a greater height, or some manage to get limbs trapped even though it's not supposd to be possible... in hospital they usually put the bed base as low as possible, swing it against the wall and put a mattress etc next to it. But it might be right for your mum: has she had an OT assessment at home?

only coping because DB is a fucking saint, kids are being brilliant, DH is keeping homefires burning, and I am lucky enough to work from home freelance so therefore no employer to chase my tail or threaten me with job loss.

latest plan - DH idea; is to get her a hospital bed which can move her up and down (and therefore more comfortable) and most importantly has side rails so she cannot get out without assistance. will discuss with DB tonight as I am sleeping round there again for moral support for him - cant in all conscience leave him alone with her for another night. chin chin chaps!

So basically she is falling to the point of injury every 24 hours pretty much always at night, and it's just the level of injury that varies. God this is impossible yolo i have no idea how you are coping but glad for the

Yo,o so glad you had a good night out. But as you say, she is a real danger to herself. It’s like waiting for the car crash- while she is wrecking the lives of those she allegedly cares about. No wisdom but extra hair of the dog....🍷🍷

DM, the latest: I was away getting pissed with friends last night, got home, went round about mid-day. She fell over at 5.30 am - because she wont do as she is told, ie call someone if she wants the commode, or - the physio's preferred option - use her incontinence pants at night (because she takes sleeping pill and painkillers at night).

She has huge open grazes on the back of her hands and some facial bruising.

DB refused ambulance for her on grounds of distress, no real pain etc, so now we have to wait for duty GP to phone to instruct district nurse to dress wounds. District nurse supposed to be coming anyway, but who knows when?

So not sustainable; progress being made on carers but no single (female) person will be able to lift her when she falls again. Next stage I guess is another disastrous fall and then she goes to hospital and dies there, or will have to go to a care home for her own safety, where she will be miserable and die anyway.

And I have the hangover from hell!! (well worth it tho) all round

yolo. You are a saint but even saints have their limit. You have done enough.

'Mm-hmm' is an underused response imo.

Ive no doubt that being loved to her means 24 hour care from you/your brother, with absolutely no consequences to any of her behaviour. She doesnt see that she IS loved - ie you are still in there and trying.

Whenever i hear/read 'terribke shame when elderly people aren't visited in their cae homes' i wonder what happened in the years before that.

Yolo, you are an absolute saint. I can’t find words. 🌺🌺🌺

Came home about 9am, got to do a tip run and a bit of shopping for mum. DB still there, staying til Mon or maybe Tues.

Let's face it, she's got exactly what she wanted - both her adult children dancing to her tune.

I suppose on Mon I will have to start investigating another live in carer but they take time to find and of course everyone on the local grapevine will be warned off her now. She will find herself quite alone when DB goes home because I cannot bear being with her for more than 30 mins (plus, you know, work, life, husband, both DDs going back to uni next week which means I will be completely unavailable on Fri and Sat)

She keeps moaning 'I just want to be loved' people keep saying she is loved but that's not enough, and anyone who tries to help she pushes away.

Yolo she is destroying everything.

Are you still with your db?

Oh yolo! I really cannot believe this. You poor things. No advice possible but a very big hug. Is she delusional? Could gp help?

Tracie walked out at 9pm last night after DM called the police on her (for no apparent reason). Had the police on the phone suggesting I go round to the property. So DB and I both slept round there (for mutual protection) and now I have it all to do again. So so angry and fed up with whole situation.

We used Passenger Assist for a train journey with Dad. He was met at the train door with a wheelchair and pushed to taxi rank. I just thought it might especially if your relative is travelling alone. You can still book PA even if you are travelling with them.

I do buy them online, but pick up at station as most convenient (station miles away). could you buy them for her?? an hour talking it through is very painful indeed.

Just had to go round to mum's with new antid scrip. Tracie pissed off, mum so bloody rude. Gave her (DM) a good talking to about tone of voice and then ran away - poor Tracie she threatened to leave earlier.
DB cant get out of his county as traffic so bad, so he coming by train tonight (no DSIL or DDog, boo).

I have to be honest pickle, i now buy my train tickets at the station as i dont trust websites not to rip me off. But since i live round the corner from a station, it's not hard.

Well, coincidentally (or not?) DM fell over again this am, after the morning carers had left. Again, she was in a remarkably comfortable, albeit inconvenient, position, and had to stay there til paramedics arrived. Hospital not required, discussion about depression and confusion as well as attention seeking.

Doctor been (prevously booked at 8am today), Tracie there, antidepressants changed and increased, DB, DSIL and their DDog (Lab) driving up from Devon today and will stay with us (so that Gma does not demand they do evrything, not upset Tracie carer dynamic etc). Stairlift broken so she stuck upstairs in bed, man should go to today despite her being so rude to him on phone. long story. and Lab rescue assessment people coming Monday at 10am so I can have another Ddog (best bit of the day)!!!

Great to hear about tracie and Kelly! And thanks yolo 🌺

Tracie is actually very marvellous; we hid in the kitchen with a glass of while Kelly from the local enablement team (who is also marvellous) dealt with DM. Kelly is what my mum would call 'a bit rough' but she's absolutely brilliantly positive, over riding all objections and makes mum laugh, and she is so kind.

sandwich very very happy hols tomorrow!