Caring for elderly relatives? Pop in for support, a hand hold, advice, whatever you need.

haha under yes 'they' are to blame for everything!

monica good luck.

Visited mum on Sat, couldnt yesterday as was doing a thing for my charity, visited today, will go tomorrow, cant go Weds (DD2 and boy to airport) or Thurs (party!!!) but will go Fri - at considerable time/effort cost I might add.

She is 'devastated' at such a lonely week, could I think of ANYONE who might like to visit her? Given that she doesnt want to see the befriending lady, or my PIL, her neighbours visited last week, the only person I can think of is her (absolutely lovely) cleaner who is a friend as much as a cleaner. Pointed out that she has a hospital appt on Thurs which the home will take her to/from so that will exhaust her... will ask cleaner if she might be able to pop in on Weds, but its a big ask as a 40 mile round trip.

When I do visit she has no real interest in us anyway, and convo is hard. To my shame I only stayed 20 mins today, I start to twitch as soon as I arrive. The thing is, I walked in and instead of asking me about my day yesterday (which was a big thing) she just launched into a list of things I must buy for her and do for her. I know its cause she saves stuff up in case she forgets, but then I get the hump.

Ho hum I am treating myself to a lunchtime glass of - cheers everyone

Hello everyone and thank you for the Teflon top-up. I’m likely to need it today, as we’re experiencing a minor family drama (can’t say much here, but not mother-related) about which she has firm opinions which will be loudly and repeatedly expressed.

and and for anyone in need.

'They' are responsible for an awful lot... making washing machines too complicated, collecting everyone's recycling except hers, cyclists who cycle on the road, rubbish tv, dressing inappropriately for your age, people driving the wrong way round a supermarket car park...

They really ought to do something about it!!!

CHANGING THE BIN DAY?!!! the bastards, how very dare they!

Yolo, sorry you are back in the fray. And you are absolutely right to go on thurs. you need it to sustain you.
Does, as others say step back. And look after yourself.
Oak, Monica, whatever and everyone else, extra Teflon all round.
Latest high drama.... THEY ARE CHANGING THE BIN DAY!!! Shock horror!!!!! Much indignation from dm........

oh does I think distance may be your friend here? ie dont rush in, just wait and see what they can tell you?

Friday FIL was moved to secure mental health unit.

Today he told them he didn't feel well. He's now been sent back to hospital. He'll love that I'm sure.

It literally is one thing after another

my respite is over... and seems like things are getting worse. DB and SIL go home early tomoz - so grateful to them for being here since Tues.

Mum has hospital appt Thurs, I cant go as we are going to a 60th birthday party in London. Home will arrange it all etc. And we have given up so much socially in the last few years for DM, buggered if I'm giving up a night away at this stage for our best man.

She has been told by physio today that she may need to be in home for a further 2 weeks - NHS said they would fund 6, dont know what happens when that runs out? She says she wont pay to stay there, but what she doesnt realise is that if she comes out she will have to pay for private physio AND personal care (right handed, cant wash/dress herself etc). Private physio is vv expensive and very unlikely to be daily.

Sigh, back into the breach tomorrow dear friends.

Flowers, wine, gin, cake etc to all of us.

@UnderTheOakTree I believe so, I'm not sure he will ever be allowed home.

I'm doing ok, I'm 26 weeks due early October, I'm spending a lot of time indoors in front of the fan 😂

Also does, I meant to say I hope you're keeping cool in this heat! When are you due? x

doesthis is that a permanent move? Definitely sounds like the best place for him at the moment.

FIL has finally been moved from hospital to a secure mental health unit. I hope he gets the help he needs. However I don't suspect they have any treatment for grumpy old pessimistic non tolerant people,

Needmore, I tend to just acknowledge what he's saying with something non-committal or ask here how he feels about it. I don't contradict or correct him as he is so convinced by what he's saying that it just doesn't feel right to do that. The only problem sometimes is if he says something like "oh could you just put that next to the boats" when there are no boats...

Thankyou all for your support - it really does help

Oak Tree, I am not sure I liked everything about Oliver James' Contented Dementia, but his suggestion that you go along with the elderly persons narrative and fit things into that rather than push reality is intereating and useful. His idea seems to be that you try to avoid upset and confusion by trying to keep things on an even keel and not challenging or confronting. Apparently it is not an approach that has universal approval.

sandwich, I've emailed his consultant twice to ask exactly that but no reply! I'm going to contact the Parkinson's nurse to see what she suggests, and the nursing home was going to ask the doctor to see what he thinks.

Unfortunately I think it's the Lewy bodies dementia taking hold but hopefully there's something we can do.

Under I am so sorry. Fil got this way for a while.... agitated because he had to pick someone up to go to work and he’d be waiting etc. If I remember it didn’t last long- perhaps worth checking medication to soothe him a bit? It is a cruel cruel disease. So very sorry.
Yolo- sorry your respite is over. A ladle of Teflon for you in preparation.
Nota- that’s the hospital with all those unexplained extra deaths ? Shipman style?

I got it monkey! nothng like a bit of black humour... so sorry under that sounds hard. my little holiday ends tomorrow when DB and SIL go home. havent seen mum since Sunday, so at least there should be something to talk about! altho the bad news is that she has been self-medicating with extra cocodamol she made me take in when the home had run out. DB is going to remove it today.

Dad seems to be retreating more & more into a parallel world where he's doing the work that he loved, meeting people he hasn't seen for years but it makes him anxious because he feels he hasn't got all the contracts etc that he needs. Also there's a darker side to it because he thinks he's surrounded by imposters in a place which is identical to his nursing home but isn't really what it seems.

It's getting worse every day - yesterday he didn't want me to wheel him down for his lunch because he was waiting for a meeting with someone who doesn't exist.

How much worse is this going on o get for him?

I had the ultimate sense of humour failure this week. DB texted me to say if all the hospital appointments didn't work out for mum we could always get her in at his local hospital - Gosport War Memorial. I texted back - what are you talking about, you want to change her hospital, why, what on earth for?! And then realised I'd just killed his joke stone dead.

I agree that this thread is a life saver. Stopped me not just from howling but commuting murder.😖 I don’t think anywhere else would you find so many people facing the same problems, being so kind and so willing to share there knowledge.

Thankyou, sandwich. I think if it wasn't for this thread, I really would be howling! x

I’m so sorry under. Nothing can help. It’s shit. But please vent away...hope it might help. Howl at the moon all you need to.

Oh eek * too* not "to" - my worst grammar bugbear - can't let that go even in my miserableness!!!