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Original poster

Christmas Holiday away with elderly in laws

58 replies

IrishPixie · 30/08/2017 07:48

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Help!

Firstly I do not get on with my In laws. Especially not my father in law. I am 38, they are in their late 70s.

We booked to go away (me, my husband and the 3 kids) this Christmas and they have booked the same place !!! So we are in our own accommodations but a stones throw from each other!

They will expect us to provide the Xmas day and boxing day dinners. They won't contribute financially, they won't help with preparation, the certainly won't help clear up afterwards and they will spend the whole afternoon sleeping and snoring in our lounge. And this is just the 2 main days! The rest of the week they will be popping over (no doubt empty handed) for morning coffee and afternoon tea and cake.

My father in law is deaf so I will spend the whole time repeating myself and dying of boredom from his never ending conversations regarding motorbikes and gardening.

My kids, age 10, 8 and 6 aren't that fond of them and are already asking me why we have to go on holiday with Nanna and Gramps and it's still only your August !

I am dreading it all !

OP posts:
Ginslinger · 30/08/2017 08:50

In your position I would be very tempted to either cancel or to get your DH to tell them VERY firmly that you are having a year off from hosting and that was the reason you booked your place away.

Original poster
IrishPixie · 30/08/2017 08:45

Morning Agent Provocateur

Thanks for your response to my post.
The reason I don't get on with my father in law is because he is an opinionated argumentarive, strong willed man who has always had his own way and was never challenged until I came along and had the balls to stand up to his bullying of the family.

We didn't invite them. We booked it alone. They liked the sound of where we were going when we mentioned we had booked to go away. They looked it up, found a vacant property and booked it too.

Being deaf you're right isn't his fault - but it would help greatly if he wore the VERY expensive hearing aids supplied by our fabulous NHS but chooses not to because he is ridiculous.

They are not going to host 7 in their 1 bedroom / sleeps 2 accommodation and will make the assumption they are coming to our cottage for Xmas lunch without a single thought to offer to contribute towards the shopping bill.

And if they ASKED if they could pop over for coffee or afternoon tea and maybe brought some cake or biscuits with them instead of just pitching up and gobbling all my food I might soften a bit towards them.

If it helps, my husband and I have been together 18 years and I've had them 16 years on the trot for Xmas day and most Boxing Days. My husbands brother (who lives in the same village as them whereas, we are an hour away) refuses to have them (surprised?!) so my husband feels guilty and we end up with them every year so they aren't on their own.

I booked going away in the hope I might escape them for one year. So that might explain why I'm so cross.

Sorry if you can't see this from my angle but thanks for standing up for them. You're obviously a very kind person.

OP posts:
ShesNoNormanPace · 30/08/2017 08:37

So you booked to get away from them so you could have a lovely relaxing christmas and they hunted you down fund out where you were staying and booked it as well?

Which idiot told them where you were going? How does your DH feel about it? If he's happy, then Plan B would be for him to look after them, do everything and do it all in the knowledge that his wife and his children are Not Happy.
Plan C would be to let him spend Christmas with his parents and you stay at home with the kids. Plan D would be to rebook somewhere else and not tell PIL.

missyB1 · 30/08/2017 08:10

Yep sounds like my in laws! Whenever we holiday with them we have to do all the hard work and pay for every single thing. I've actually vowed not to allow it to happen again, and I'm afraid there's no way I would be letting them do that to me at Christmas - been there done that and learnt my lesson!

blueskyinmarch · 30/08/2017 08:05

Agent the OP hasn't invited her PIL for Christmas meals (or even on the holiday) - they will expect to be hosted. That is quite different from feeding invited guests. And they will expect morning coffee and cake every day without ever reciprocating. My DPs are that age and they would lavish food/drink/love on any occasion they came to at mine. It doesn't sound like OP's in laws will do any of this.

AgentProvocateur · 30/08/2017 07:54

You've not said why you don't get on with them, and TBH I wouldn't expect guests to contribute financially to dinner. Annoying that they're crashing your holiday, but they obviously want to spend Christmas with their son, DIL and grandchildren. Would they be alone otherwise? Your complaints are that your FIL is deaf (hardly his fault) and they'll pop over "empty handed". It's Christmas - I think you should be s but more charitable towards your husband's parents (unless you're going to do a massive drip feed about them being violent abusers)

paq · 30/08/2017 07:54

Cancel cancel cancel but don't tell them.

wobblywonderwoman · 30/08/2017 07:52

I would cancel it op. No point feeling like this. Did they ask ?