Christmas Holiday away with elderly in laws

OP please don't as I fear for you this will always be the last year.

Your children are getting older so won't spend Christmas Day with you forever. If one of your PIL were to pass or become ill next year this may be used as an excuse why they must continue to spend it with you.

Why would you do this? You need to say something now- you already have done your duty.

If you allow this to happen, they will simply include themselves in any alternative plans you make for the next however many years.

I'm sorry op but please get a backbone. It's September tomorrow- still plenty of time for them to get their head around it.

Have you said anything to your husband at all?

You are a kinder person than me OP.

What will your husband be doing this Christmas to accommodate HIS parents?

It doesn't have to be the best! Some of the local pubs around me are taking bookings now and it won't be near that price. It won't be caviare and stuffed peacocks' ears but it'll be hot and good!

Sometimes it's worth not going posh just to go somewhere where someone else does the cooking and the washing up.

Loving all the recommendations to boo lunch out. Christmas lunch at a posh pub, the best are fully booked now, is usually at least £60 per head, no or negligible reduction for children so for the pop's family that's about £400!

If you can't cancel, book Christmas Dinner at a restaurant. Or tell DH that he is cooking and you will do drinks. And that he can tell PIL that they are on washing up duty.
Am angry on your behalf just thinking about this. I may be U but I would be cancelling and (DH) telling them why. So rude of them to invite themselves along!

Cabin, if you have hosted your DPILs for 16 years, and effectively not been allowed to have your own nuclear family relaxed Christmas making your own traditions, and now want either DBIL to step up or DPILs to look after themselves while you have booked to GO AWAY in order to have your own nuclear family Christmas before the DCs get too old and don't want to be at home (as in, with their DPs) for it anymore - is that not allowed?

Without having the same DPILs, who don't lift a finger to help but let the OP do all the running around and not even making her Christmas in any way more festive or relaxed, chase the OP down the road ?

Some families do have a great dynamic, and can all work together to make such occasions great.

But many families do not, and it is very very unfair for 1 person to continually have to suck it up, and when they make an effort to look after themselves and their own immediate family (their DH and DCs that is) for once, they ought to be allowed to have that time for themselves.

Cabin - op has hosted Xmas for 16 years. Hardly selfish.

Sounds awful! Can they be told to cancel?

I hope my children arent as selfish.

you mean you hope YOU aren't as selfish when you are old - that like many many older people you understand that if you visit someone you contribute, help, make an effort, be a good guest, make the people who are hosting you glad you came.

not sit there like a lump expecting to be served, complaining about the tv, and contributing nothing. Because if you take that route it is quite likely your children will be "selfish" and not want you around - even if they suck it up and still have you because they are too kind not to.

My parents and my MIL were/are lovely guests, funny, contributing, thankful, delightful. Being old doesn't mean you have to be a freeloading bore.

what's selfish about having hosted Christmas for 16 years with no input from the parents?

I hope my children arent as selfish. I love spending time with my family and more importantly so do my children. Couldnt imagine telling them there not seeing grandads at xmas

Either cancel the holiday or book a resturant. If they want to come along, they can pay. Spend a large portion of thr day out to avoid the maid service element.

If you don't want to cancel then your DH needs to say to them that you booked the holiday for a year off hosting. He then needs to organise meals for Xmas day.
Stand your ground - no hosting

IrishPixie I'm so sorry for you - ignore posters who don't appreciate your position, total opposite to ours by the way.

I'm 80 and deaf. Nothing annoys me more than deaf people who refuse to wear aids that will help those around them. I consider it my responsibility to help others cope with my lack of hearing. All of which doesn't help you.

Suggestions. Tell the kids they can open their presents as soon as you are all up.

Do Christmas lunch as a sort of buffet - timed to suit yourself. Leave on the side (carve what ever bird you're having) and let your family help themselves. The difference with us, is that the food is put in dishes on the table and we help ourselves.

Talk to your DH. Tell him you're doing lunch, but after sixteen years, this time, he's responsible for all refreshments and tea later.

As MissHavish says, everything is falling on you. Within our childrens' families Mums/Nanna either take a back seat on Christmas morn or do it together as a family - most of our grandkids are old enough to help.

Time to start a tradition in your family - Mum's day off (even though I dislike such gender stereotyping) you have to start somewhere.

All the best to you.

You could say the accommodation owners cancelled
This isn't your bil responsibility anymore than it is yours, you're choosing to have them hoping he may step in. He's choosing not to have them and doesn't have an issue if they're alone
It's up to your dh to find a compromise, either tell his parents the holiday is only for yourselves or explain to them you won't be catering around the clock.
He (and you) can make excuses all you want that they won't be around forever but neither might any of you plus your kids get one childhood and you have a finite number of Christmases with them. If you want to spend occasional ones alone with them you shouldn't feel guilted into having your in-laws every single year.

honestly I would cancel and take the agro or cancel and do xmas at home as usual because that will actually be easier for you.

It isn't fair on your children either - every christmas is dominated by these 2 sitting there stressing out their mother (and presumably their father).

If you do get stuck again (and I suspect you will), simply don't serve them. Put the food on the table or wherever, say, help yourselves and then get your own dinner and sit down.

The problem is your husband. They're his parents, why does the catering fall to you? If he wants them there, he has to do the work.

Ps if you don't say anything now then that will be it. Any future arrangements they will simply add themselves to.

You really can cancel. You need to cause this upset in order to get them to realise that their behaviour is appalling. You hoping every year has got you precisely nowhere.

This is incredibly rude of them and I would be putting my foot down now.

You're a very patient person OP.

The only thing I can suggest is letting dh know he's doing the majority of catering and housekeeping this Christmas since you planned to be on holiday this year. An awful lot seems to fall on you.