Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

That sounds like the perfect distraction! What's HCB?

I'm having a lovely distracting time on the HCB thread. Very cathartic silliness, should anyone need it.

Oh, pickle. I can't suggest anything except patience and .

Thank you. It's enough to send me to the gin bottle early!

I think I'm going to go down tomorrow. I was going to stay a week around the funeral, but I may go down a week early as well. I'm not sure she can be left on her own. Sister's just off to see her now.

Oh Pickle - families can be hard work and stress can amplify that so much.
I'm sure something will work out in the end.

There are two services, Church and crem. First one hasn't met her yet as he's been away then she's been ill. Second one she is falling out with because he is being too prescriptive with her (!).

I just want dad sent off with dignity! What a hoohah. I've got to tell one person who was asked to speak-- on behalf of a society that he can't because mum doesn't like him.-- However, I do t have any direct contact 8nfo for him, and the person who organised it is on holiday for a week. Hey ho. This isn't how I usually express myself, but FML.

Managing these situations without falling out with sibs is an art in itself.
We're at breaking point with organising Dad's funeral. Mum is being a caricature of her usual, complex, awkward self. She and my sister are getting very stressed, and sending stress bombs out at me and my brother. Everything I try and help with I do wrong, and little passive aggressive snipes arrive by email or messenger at regular intervals. It's been 4 weeks. There is one week to go. Mum won't tell anyone what readings or hymns she's decided on. There is confusion over who is doing what. I offered to do a tribute. My brother also might want to say a few words depending how he feels on the day. My sister now says she wants to as well, presumably because she'll feel left out if she doesn't. Mum's now cross that 'everyone seems to want to speak', and doesn't like what I had prepared. I've said I'm very happy to just do a reading... and on and on.

Argh, wonkylegs. My sibling used to do that - and patronisingly tell me things that I'd known for weeks but they'd only just discovered - but after some frank speaking things have improved.

and for everyone who's keeping buggering on.

Dad has his moments but I can't fault him on his compassion for mum since she's had this awful disease.

Had to force myself to not throw the phone at the wall tonight though when my brother called and was patronisingly critical of everything I have been doing for mum and said I needed to sort out more! I have spent 2 hours on the phone today + 1hr on the computer doing stuff for mum. I haven't got that much time free let alone any more. When I pointed out he was welcome to do it himself, he's obviously got too much to do. Apparently the carer I've organised isn't good enough (I actually think he's pretty good, proactive and gives feedback - which I hear isn't always the case) and I should be looking for someone else.

oh wonky that made me smile. your Dad sounds like a very nice man.

I have the slightly weird one of my mum and Dad being divorced for over 10yrs but still friends so he often pops over for a coffee or to sort something out for me (replace a bulb or fix something small) as I'm not around and he's only a mile away but she's starting to forget they are divorced.
It would be funny if it weren't so difficult to handle.

My MIL was widowed thirty odd years ago, but her DH was truly the love of her life. She is now beginning to ask her children about him, so she seems to be forgetting him, which I find unbearably poignant.

My (Catholic) mother announced yesterday that when she died she would go straight to Heaven, as she had already spent enough time in Purgatory.

More sadly she asked DH to tell her about her husband. She loved him deeply, but is forgetting him. We tend to tell her about the grandchildren, but she is never that interested. Perhaps we should be talking about my dad and the good times instead.

Glad you have both found things that help need & along. DM not remembering to eat & drink often enough so more visits would be helpful for those basics, apart from anything else. Waiting to hear if the carers have the capacity to take on more visits...

we've decided to try and feed mum more - so tonight I am taking round the roast we had for lunch (specially selected leftovers I can microwave when there) and eg if we have risotto there is usually masses left. hoping this will encourage her to eat a bit more or at least vaguely healthily. Took all her stuff out of cupboards she cannot reach today and put them on a waist height shelf unit in the kitchen.... flowers, gin, wine etc for all of us (meanwhile DH's business partner has grade 4 cancer so as you can imagine that is not exactly stress-free...)

Mum is maybe 10 years into Alzheimer’s. Still knows us but doesn’t always recognise my dad when she’s tired in the evenings. We’re lucky to have a dementia day centre nearby and she goes there 3-5 times a week depending how she’s feeling. It mkes a huge difference. She had become isolated through dementia. This raises her well being in subtle ways - really helps

Blog, you may find this changes. For a while DM was quite depressed and would often refuse to get out of bed. I asked the GP if we could try anti-depressants. They worked a treat, but she only needed them for a few months. Now she no longer remembers what she has lost.

We are now on three calls, as she was forgetting to eat the sandwich which was left for her in the fridge in the evening, and waking up feeling nauseous. Additional calls have the advantage that the carer can prompt her to drink more.

I also used a carer, one she liked, to take her out a couple of times a week. A change of scene made a huge difference. Even if she could not remember that she had been.

She is getting slowly worse. Yesterday she asked why her parents had placed her in her sheltered housing.

That's tough. All of you. or perhaps for your

Hello again sandwich & need! Lots of varieties of hard situations here & sorry you’re in this club too. Our latest plan is to see if carers have availability to come for an hour each morning, to add to existing lunchtime arrangements. I’ve woken Mum this morning & she doesn’t want to get up yet, but with carers she’d have to. Maybe that’s a good thing, but the lack of choice not so good! Mum’s days lack purpose (as she has said herself) & her (undiagnosed) dementia means it’s hard to see what she could do with her time... She is aware enough to know what she’s lost/is losing

Hi blog and little. It's been almost a decade for me so both 11+ and higher ed threads.

DM has dementia and is in very (24 hour warden) sheltered housing. I recognise the naughty step well. As if I am responsible, 150 miles away, when her shower leaks or she wanders off.

I tend to suck it up. I went to see a couple of top of the range care homes, the sort that have plush carpets and no smell. I was depressed by both the cost and the hard sell. My mother would hate it.

Sheltered is so much cheaper and nicer. Albeit more work for me.

My mother can be very cantankerous. I try to keep her in their good books by agreeing to their suggestions, e.g. paying for someone to accompany her to lunch to help ensure she is not rude to others, and by having her contribute generously to the entertainment fund and staff Christmas fund. And let the telling off's wash over me.

My mum would normally deny she has a carer even though she has three calls a day. But her 'behaviour' was a lot worse when her regular carer went on holiday. Wandering etc. (Though she liked being brought home in a police car.) Routine and familiarity are so important to her.

DM in v bad pain today - coughing accentuates spinal fracture pain. hadnt eaten all day so made her soup and bread and butter and a fruit fool from the fridge all of which she ate while DD2 and I chatted to her. going round tomorrow with a shelf unit to get all her tins/dry food etc out of high cupboards as realised today she cannot reach stuff. Also got to email help agency as she and friday lady did not click...

My sympathies to all, this is so bloody hard!