Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

Gosh, you weren't expecting that, were you! I'm glad someone is coming to be with you.

Oh that's lovely
Hope you manage to get some rest x

She's still asleep but breathing very laboured now. Her best friend of 30 years is on her way to keep us company bless her

I recognise your lonely feeling Unmanned and send you my sympathy.

Yes, evenings are hard aren't they?
How is she now?

Thank you both x the evenings are the loneliest times everyone gone home it's dark and it's cold

Thinking of you and your mum unmanned 💐

Well I think mum may get her wish to pass at home

She started to be very sleepy on Saturday morning and hasn't woken today since around 9 this morning. Not eating or drinking either.....

Well, yes and no. She needs to be a bit realistic, that is for sure, but she'll be scared about the future.
In the future, harsh though it sounds, she will only have herself to worry about and far fewer commitments. Booking a holiday will be easier, because there will be no time pressure either for the booking process or the actual time away.
At the moment, she's trying to book it now to fit in between medical and other important appointments.

Anyway, holidays are the least of it really, but it is what has upset her today. It doesn't help that she's trying to go somewhere lovely at a time and day that suits her with no early starts and costing 50p each.

Unmanned, you have done all you can and she needs more support now - well done for getting her to see that.

Oh dear Pickle. Perhaps it's for the best that she is realising that she cannot manage on her own?

Unmanned, she has stayed at home for as long as is safe, possible, sensible.

Just heard from a tearful DM who is discovering how hard everything is. Dad's phone has updated and everything looks different. You have to have insurance to book a holiday, but need to know where you are going to buy insurance. Everything is advertised at £X but by the time you have spent an hour filling in all your details, it turns out to be £X times 5. Even a coach trip to Jersey sets out at 4am and takes two days to get there.

Unmanned 💐
You have done the right thing. Your mum needs 24/7 care and you cannot physically do that
I'm glad your mum has accepted that
Such a difficult situation for you all x
Mum is home, tired and with swollen ankles (?) but ok
I've dropped her meds off
Dh away for a week tomorrow
So no doubt there will be a crisis of some sort! 🙄

Well after a lot of emotional blackmail, guilt tripping me etc I think she's finally realised I can't give her the care she needs now. I had to prove to her today that she can't get out of bed and stand now

CHC have applied for a respite stay in a nursing home so we'll see what that brings.

Doesn't stop me feeling incredibly guilty - I always promised her she'd stay at home

Vintage, I totally get that - I really don't know if me ringing my DM is beneficial or more distressing for her. I certainly don't think my last visit really helped at all. So don't feel bad - it's probably the best thing for both of you.

Pickle, helping with all the practical stuff is a really good thing to do. The other stuff will happen when they are ready.

It didn't read like that to me, unmanned, and my dad has terminal brain cancer. VIntage, that sounds like a sensible plan. Stick with it! No need to rock the boat.

Had a conversation with DM Monday where she said (slightly accusingly) that she thinks DSis and I must have more info than her as we are so pessimistic. I carefully answered that I suppose it depends what questions you have asked, and she said she doesn't want to ask those questions. So on we go. Someone has to ask, so they can be prepared and make sure decisions are being taken with knowledge.
The doctor mentioned DF could get his license back if he needs it in two years. I think he intended it as a softener for having to give it up- 'well you can ask for it back if you need it'. But DM is holding on to that as a suggestion DF will still be here.

Just to be clear, I'm not all doom and gloom with them! I just help with practical things like getting bank paperwork in order, and helping organise an agent for the property dad has always managed. I wish we could have some end of life conversations though. But mum isn't ready yet, though he is. By the time we get there, he won't be able to express or understand, I don't think. Sigh.

Flowers to everyone, and for those of you getting a break from it at the moment, however that is, relax and enjoy!

vintage

I was just reviewing my post re: hospice and it comes across as being very bitter/dismissive of those suffering with cancer I'm sorry if I upset anyone I lost my dad to cancer 30 years ago and my best friend 3 years ago so I know what a bastard disease it is - again apologies for any upset

But she is happy vintage!
And so are you
Reasons to be cheerful 👍😊

Hello lovelies, hope everyone is as well as can be expected. Welcome pink to the corner no-one wants to sit in.

My Mum is now well settled into the care home and still ruling the roost according to my cousin who has been visiting and taking her bits and bobs. I still haven't actually spoken with her, my cousin hasn't suggested it, and tbh, I don't want to. I don't want to hear that "who are you again?" and then risk breaking the (quite tranquil) status quo and maybe nudge her back into lucidity and wanting to go "home". (I know that makes me sound awful, but she's happy as larry, has no clue I'm not ringing)

Yay badders! 🎉

Ok - Meds sorted
Dr error - I even got an apology!
Mum phoned earlier and I declined the call 😳 but i was in the middle of some bank admin and didn't want to be disturbed
I'm planning a couple of days of doing nothing much!

I'm so sorry unmanned 😞
I'm sure I would get the same response from my siblings if I asked for help
Mum is away now for 4 days and excepting sorting her meds out tomorrow and taking her bin in I am hoping for a mum free few days!
guilty

Not selfish at all! If you become too ill to cope, from stress and exhaustion, then where will that leave everyone?