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Elderly parents
Original poster

Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

992 replies

thesandwich · 04/04/2017 09:54

Continuing the long running threads for anyone juggling elderlies and everything else. Loads of wisdom, support and the odd laugh...
How are you all doing?
How is everyone coping with the extra teens with exam challenges?

OP posts:
SuperDiaperBaby · 26/04/2017 19:47

Unmanned I hope that you have managed to get home to spend time with your partner and get some strength for the coming days

CMOT your father's legs sound horrific. Dreadful.

Pickle could you do the POA yourself using the online guidance? Provided no one is likely to challenge whether he has capacity they are not difficult.

Original poster
thesandwich · 26/04/2017 19:44

Hi all.
Unmanned hope you are getting some rest.
CMOT I am so sorry- it sounds like your parents are in a very precarious position, as you say propped up by an army. No wonder you are worn out- and your poor dad's legs. It is good to know your mum liked respite if that becomes essential.
Badders how did you get on with the doc?

OP posts:
Unmanned · 26/04/2017 18:46

Thank you all for your kind words 🌺

Reading through this thread I'm in awe of what you all have to deal with - makes my journey seem so easy in comparison!

Love, strength and KOKO to you all xx

Badders123 · 26/04/2017 18:44

Oh CMOT! 😞
I am stealing myself to deal with possible amputation for mum in the future ... it's a grim thought isn't it?
Although it's lovely your mum enjoyed her stay in the respite!!!

CMOTDibbler · 26/04/2017 18:31

Yep, mum has frontotemporal dementia, diabetes, and spinal stenosis (which very much limits her mobility). Dad has diabetes, heart failure, atrial fibrillation, kidney failure, peripheral neuropathy, blind in one eye, arthritis, and cognitive impairment/ very early dementia. He can walk about 10m currently and that looks like he'll keel over at any moment.
He's a stubborn old fool, and determined to stay at home, and they potter along courtesy of their carers, cleaner, gardener, handyman, district nurses, the massively understanding staff of Waitrose, and eating at a Hungry Horse pub everyday with the occasional drama. Though touch wood, its never been as bad as the year they had 20 emergency admissions to hospital between them. At one point both of them were in the same hospital

MoreElderlyParentWoes · 26/04/2017 18:17

So sorry to hear about your mum, unmanned. Take some comfort from knowing you did your best for her.

I recognise your feeling of being burnt out, Cmot. Plodding on is such hard work, day after day.

Flowers, Wine and Gin for all

picklemepopcorn · 26/04/2017 18:08

Thank you about the POA, by the way.

picklemepopcorn · 26/04/2017 18:08

So both your parents are poorly? That's extra tough!

CMOTDibbler · 26/04/2017 18:02

I believe that they assess whether just at that exact point in time that the person understands the POA. I honestly didn't think my mum would be assessed as having capacity, but her default answer of yes to everything possibly helped.

For anyone who has followed the long running saga of my dads legs, he has now had an infection in both legs for 3 months, and they are oozing and horrible with non healing ulcers. He doesn't have enough blood flow for compression bandages, and despite the district and practice nurses doing all they can, plus lots of antibiotics, nothing is working. It now sounds like they are warning him of a clear possibility of him losing one of both - which I doubt he would survive tbh. And if he did, he couldn't cope at home.

But on the upside, though I don't have a name or identity, mum tells me that I helped her go to that 'nice place', so she obviously did enjoy her stay in respite last year!

picklemepopcorn · 26/04/2017 16:20

Well, my mum has gone away for a few days. We don't know where or how long for... Hopefully she'll be back in time to pick up my dad's anticonvulsant prescription!

She's decided now, several months after his diagnosis in November, that POA would be a good idea. Whether we will find someone to say he has capacity or not is debatable. Depends how you assess it I think!

Original poster
thesandwich · 25/04/2017 16:53

Unmanned I am so sorry for your loss- but you gave her what she wanted. Take care x Flowers

OP posts:
SuperDiaperBaby · 25/04/2017 14:59

Unmanned Flowers

picklemepopcorn · 25/04/2017 13:38

Oh unmanned! Flowers she went the way she wanted to go, bless her.

ZaZathecat · 25/04/2017 12:33

All the best Unmanned. It's a tough time but take comfort from the fact that you always did your best for her.

bigTillyMint · 25/04/2017 11:00

Unmanned, so sorry for your loss but how lovely that your DM got her wish Flowers

CMOTDibbler · 25/04/2017 09:36

Flowers Unmanned.

Badders123 · 25/04/2017 09:16

Unmanned - I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear mum.
but how wonderful that she got her wish and that you got to spend her last days with her.
💐

AvengingGerbil · 25/04/2017 09:07

Flowers unmanned

Unmanned · 25/04/2017 08:51

Well she got her wish bless her. Mum passed very quietly and peaceful at 5am today

Thank you all for your support xx Flowers

Badders123 · 25/04/2017 08:10

Thinking of you unmanned x
And you too CMOT x
I'm off to the dr this morning then into work so busy day
Mums neighbour got a mobility scooter! - watch this space 😀

Original poster
thesandwich · 25/04/2017 07:49

Thinking of you unmanned. Hope you slept.
Btm and cmot lovel to see you- sorry to hear you are feeling burnt out cmot- it is so tough just dreading the next phone call/ visit and knowing things won't get better. For us it was 8 years from fil's major stroke through mil's dementia until she died two years ago and he died at Christmas. DM is still going at 92 and pretty well but needs lots of support.
Hope you are doing ok Badders,pickle, pink, vintage and anyone I've missed.

OP posts:
SuperDiaperBaby · 25/04/2017 07:41

Unmanned I hope that you have managed some rest and that whatever today brings you find strength.

CMOT I have no idea how you have carried on for so long alone. I dread that may be the journey ahead for me. I can offer no help or advice but assure you many of us think of you and admire you. I hope you find new energy from somewhere.

bigTillyMint · 25/04/2017 07:03

Unmanned, I hope all is going smoothly.

CMOT, sorry to hear that you are feeling burnt out. It's not surprising - what a long slog.

Unmanned · 25/04/2017 00:37

She's an absolute Star and I've been sent to bed! Thank you all for your support 🌺

CMOTDibbler · 24/04/2017 22:40

Sorry I've been MIA. I think I've been a bit burnt out with it all, and after 8 years and no change in sight its got a bit much as my dad declines too.

Umanned, its good to hear there is someone coming to support you

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