Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

Unmanned I hope that you are coping with all the practicalities and inevitable emotional swirl.
Pickle I empathise with you and your mother. I sometimes feel like an IT helpdesk - the frustration I experience after ages spent trying to solve a 'problem' only to discover it was caused by the user who has forgotten they made a change is indescribable! I am learning patience.

Heading off soon for my monthly trip to my parent's. I'm taking some meals for their freezer and a stash for myself and a stash for dad, as mum can be quite controlling about food. There will be lots to sort out- passwords for email accounts, phone contracts, accessing everything on different devices... Mum can't really manage technology, but tends to blame the gadget rather than herself. I don't blame her, it does feel like magic! Anyway, she now has a smartphone, an iPad, a laptop with Windows10 (donated by my DS as theirs was operating on something ancient and unsupported), my dad's iPhone... The TV subscription which is something I know nothing about... And all of them are playing up apparently.

Sorry to hear they are struggling to sort out your Dad's legs, CMOT.

Yes, and when Dad was alive I' d always rush to answer, and 5 times out of 10 it was cold callers. Because I answered I'd get more and more calls, it was a real problem. Now I seldom answer as I know there's no crisis coming down the line, and the nuisance calls have dwindled to a trickle.

Sandwich, reflexology is a very pleasant feeling and I'm sure it does your mum good even just from the physical contact.

Whataboutbob I still get that adrenalin spike and racing heart when the phone rings. It's just sales people now though so I'm training myself to leave it.

Still thinking of you all on here and sending my best wishes. I remember that sinking feeling when the phone rings CMOT. It was Pavlovian after a while (heart racing, adrenaline spike).

Hi everyone again- Zaza I know what you mean, the lederly thread sustained me over some very difficult years, and so I headed here and saw your post.
A similar thing is happening to me about Dad- the very difficult memories of the dementia years recede and I remember him as he was. Not always easy, but nearly always interesting and deep down a nice person. I lost my mum 22 years ago, and the bereavement with Dad is nothing like that. with mum it was sudden, she was young, I was shattered. With Dad there is relief, but also sadness for him that his last years were dominated by his disease . And the sobering realisation I now have no parents. DH is 54 and has both his parents and they don't have dementia! There's no fairness.

Phoning me several times a day as he's forgotten when his parcels will be delivered, and every time we have to go through when Amazon says they will be delivered, he has to go on about why is it not the next day delivery, and repeat. I also get the same stories each time.
My heart sinks when the phone goes tbh, and he forgets that I'm actually trying to work during the day, so its hard to cut him off as he gets really anxious about it

Glad your DM is enjoying the reflexology Sandwich. Anything to help reduce pain is worth a go

I do remember the feeling and I have to be honest, I wouldn't want to still be going through it. But my overriding feelings are just love and yearning for the mum I used to have.
What's your dad been up to?

Zaza, its good to hear from you. I'm encouraged that the bad times are fading away as I worry that is all I'll remember.

Dad is driving me round the twist atm!

Hi all. Some of you know that my dm died in February. Strangely, one of the things I miss is the Elderly Parents board! I wanted to just talk about her a bit, When she first died I was sad of course, but there was also a large measure of relief that her troubles were over and I would have no more daily crises to deal with, Just lately though all the bad times are fading away and I just miss her so much, both the lovely mum she used to be and also the confused old lady who I had to help with everything, I'm regularly sobbing (when on my own) because some little thing reminds me of things I used to do with her. My dh and dc are lovely but I don't want to bring them down with me (dc are doing Alevels/GCSEs right now) and dh tries to cheer me up/make me laugh when sometimes I just want to cry - I guess it's a bit of self-indulgence.
Anyway, it's made me feel better to write it down, It looks like it's been quiet on here lately, I hope that means you're all coping ok,

Hi all.Place marking at the mo. Teen ds doing A levels.10 year old ds home edded. Step mum and also a dad who may have warly signs of Alzheimers.....they live 8 miles away.Don't see them lots ......have a half sister who does. A mum who lives down south.... quite difficult relationship.She is now considering moving closer to us.Will check this thread out properly later

That is exactly what my mother does. She complains how lonely she is yet always has a reason why she can't do anything about it. I understand that her confidence has taken a knock, but it's very wearing even so.

Oh dear 😞
Your poor friend! I think that one half of a partnership often masks the difficulties the other half may have...so sad.

Still oozing they just don't seem to be able to clear the infection - and it doesn't help that with all his other issues he has a lot of excess fluid in his legs.
On a brighter note, I have solved the problem of my mother being obsessed by sharpening pencils, but putting the pencil sharpener 'somewhere'. Dad reckons he has bought 50 or more - so now they have a clamped down table top one.

My poor colleague is just going through her mum being diagnosed with a very agressive brain tumour (life expectancy 6-9 months), and her mum being in hospital has shown how little ability her dad has. He can't make a sandwich independently even. So she's facing a possible dementia diagnosis for him at the same time

How is your dad btw?

I wish I did CMOT!
I grind my teeth a lot and poor dh gets an ear lashing about her latest actions!
In fact he got back from the US yesterday and one of his first questions was
"What's your mother done this week!?"
😀
I must have looked somewhat harried!
There is a village Fayre on Monday - I will try and encourage her to go for a walk round
with me
I shall probably fail
I know she is frail and scared but bugger me she is hard to like at times 😞

You have the patience of a saint Badders

It's so infuriating
She moans all the time that she is bored and lonely
But she simply WILL NOT make ANY effort to go out and do things!!
Grrrr

Oh Badders. That is sad. It's so hard absorbing so much rudeness and nagativity.

Asked mum to come and watch ds1 in his badminton tournament
She refused
If it was my niece she would have gone
Luckily ds1 doesn't mind - my pils came
Just pisses me off
And it shouldn't
I should be used to it by now 😞

CMOT! That's like a medical dictionary! What determination they have.

Thanks for the POA advice everyone. I'll get it sorted.

Pickles...If you go on the MSE website there is good advice on DIY POAs (and I think the price has just come down too)

Sandwich. Thank you for asking - I got on ok - I have more meds! And am off for an X-ray on Friday then a double appt in a months time...
I'm just so tried, and sore and fed up!