Caring for elderly parents? Drop in for support, hand holding and whatever you need

Hi all
Have continued with my low contact with mum
It's working in that I now only go to see her 2-3 times per week rather than everyday...I also dont phone her unless she phones/texts me
I'm happier this way and tbh I think that she is too
My golden boy brother moves into his new home next week so no doubt she will be busy with them...
I've not mentioned Christmas and neither has she...
We are coming up to 2 years since her last bad health crisis (emergency admission for 5 days just before xmas) and tbh I can see another crisis on the horizon, but she denies her health is deteriorating and refuses the op to repair the graft so......
Hope everyone is ok

Yes, drudgery, alas. This is why I also spend some of my non-working time doing fun things like going to the cinema and meeting friends. I'm very fortunate to be able to do that, and very thankful, because I need that decompression time.

Exactly that, same old crap every day!

Nope. When people at work ask me if I have got anything nice planned, I just say drudgery.

notaflyingmonkey

Days off don't exist do they?

I took the day off work today to take mum to a hospital appointment at 9am. (She has dementia). despite repeated reminders, she wasn't ready when I went to pick her up, so we were late getting there. Thanks God having a blue badge means I can park right at the entrance. Get to reception to find they had phoned her to cancel the appointment, and she'd forgotten. Cue gritten teeth on my part. She'd also managed to lose her walking stick when I took her shopping yesterday, so I also had to go back to bloody Tesco to collect it.

That is what days off work look like these days.

Oh, that does sound tough. I don't know what to suggest beyond the obvious. Try to take care of yourself; you have to prioritise your own health and wellbeing.

Do stay here to vent and get moral support. There are some very wise women here.

There's nothing and no one. My Mum had carers for 15 mins a day but she didn't like having strangers in her home......so it's me, me or yes me. There is no help or support. I'm on anti depressants so feel quite numb, which is better for me but not so good for my children.

That sounds really hard for you, Walkingdead. Are there any agencies supporting your parents? Or you? Do you have siblings or other relatives for support?

My mum has dementia, had it for 9 years now. She kniws who we are but cannot remember what anyone said half a second ago. She doesn't cook or clean and hasn't left her flat for over a year. She can't walk, gets very overwhelmed and passes out so its safer if she doesn't. I am single mum with 2 dc and work part time. I hate my life, I am very depressed and sometimes I wish I could put her in a home but she wont bloody go!! My dad is also now very ill, not sure how much longer I can go on.

Denial and anger are quite common, I think. My mother exhibited both when my father was ill.

scrabble, is this denial? DM was quite angry with DF when he became ill. It was as if she felt he was leaving her. She also pushed us away as she did not want us to see that she was not coping.

DH just rang MIL. He asked if GP has been in touch as FIL has Parkinson's dementia and has been shaking her. She said they are coping and DH should stop bothering the GP, stop interfering. It's so frustrating as she is blocking all attempts to give them help.

It’s all gone quiet over here. Waiting for referral for home visit from memory clinic and hoping to stave off any more crises in the meantime. DH needs to tackle the GP about all sorts of loose ends/outstanding issues but he’s away at the moment with work.

Learning to live with the fear that the next phone call could be another problem.

Well done on 35 years (and do call me Monica).

My baby was (obviously and naturally) the Best Baby Ever, but things became so much easier once they could communicate (which makes me question why I like teenagers, since their communication skills are sometimes conspicuously lacking!)

Yes, it is. I don't think my mother has lost cognitive function (although I have occasionally glimpsed things that make me wonder) but there is so much toddler-like behaviour, including terrible tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants as soon as she wants it.

Teenagers get a bad press. I like mine.

Isn't it like reverting to being a toddler. Few two year olds show much empathy. We are reverse parenting. I dread the end stage dementia and incoherent sounds and total dependency.

But then I was a pretty rubbish mother to babies. (It is a wonder they survived.) I enjoyed parenting teenagers more.

Yes, old age seems to make many people more egotistical. In fact, that was behind today's exasperation - my mother's insistence that everything has to be about her all the time (and then bending the facts so that it is). And breathe.

How many years have you been married? Was this a significant anniversary?

Hi, Sandwich. Thanks for asking.

As it happens, I've had another exasperating encounter with my mother. I'll feel less bad about it later, I'm sure, but at the moment I want to get into the Halloween mood and scream!

So, MIL gets sorted out by the hospital and discharged and SIL returns from her holiday. DH's phone rang this morning and SIL said she thought MIL was having a heart attack and did he have the GP's phone number. She said she'd texted him half an hour before but not had an answer! DH went mad and told her to call an ambulance, as you would. MIL is apparently OK, not heart attack at all, but five hours in A&E for DH waiting to be told that. Not content with neglecting MIL over the last three years, which all came out a couple of weeks ago, SIL's carried on. Turns out that in her capacity as self-appointed full time carer, she doesn't even have keys to MIL's house!