Deteriorating again in hospital

Hi Thea
Is your mum stable enough to move ? Just a thought and I'm not sure if it is feasible, but if she is going to be in hospital for a while is there any way she could be moved nearer to you?
Having been in your situation, my Mum was at one time, over one and half hours away, including long trip on M25, it was so very different when she was in hospital nearer as we could get there quickly and pop in and out to see her.
X

Hi thea. Some really good advice from nms- how would you respond to a staff member? This is going to be a marathon howver things go- one thing I've learnt the hard way is the need to have "margin" the luxury of spare capacity ( created by reducing work commitments and also earnings) which gives some space to recharge and is there for crises. Take care.

In which case think how you would respond if one of your staff came to you in similar circumstances and put their cards on the table.

My guess is that you would look to the medium/long term and decide that that constructive help now would pay off in the future. You would not want them tired, stressed, resentful and operating at lower efficiency.

You wont get the time back with either your parents or your children. In the short term you probably can't juggle it all. If you can acknowledge that in the short term you need to balance conflicting priorities, and find a sensible way to do it, it might help everyone.

Is there any chance of sitting down with your employer and discussing the situation and likely future calls on your time. From my experience and that of other's I know, a lot can depend on whether a particular boss has been through similar themselves. Perhaps you could consider reducing your hours, perhaps working one day a week less, until things are resolved, as well as agreement on what they can cope with in a crisis.

A day a week would give you time for your parents without eating into family time too much. I had four months of 5 hours round trips esch weekend when my father was dying. I was OK juggling a full time job and family commitments, but parents were one ball too many. If you are lucky and have someone sympathetic and constructive to talk to, you stand a chance of meeting reduced commitments to everyone and not ending up feeling that you are letting everyone down. I ended up completey drained, with a couple of health issues which could almost directly be attributable to stress.

Just catching up over here ... well done you .... again!

So pleased to hear, hope life starts to get back to normal soon.

Good to hear!

Well that sounds like progress. Hope you get a good night's sleep and things continue to go well tomorrow.

I hope that today is going better, it is really hard when you have a long drive to get to hospital, i used to have that several years ago. I was really lucky that my Mum then moved close to me a couple of years ago and so I only had a short drive when she was receiving end of life care in hospital, sadly she died last week.

luckily I had friends who were medical at the hospital, I found it a huge help that they explained and advised me and as I am not medical I did not feel that I had to act as both her doctor and her daughter. look after yourself, take time out to get a cup of tea etc, it will help you stay strong.
Thinking of you and wishing you all well.
X

I've been through the experience of not being listened to with a critically ill child and feeling so helpless. I'm horrified that this can be happening even with your medic status! I sincerely hope you are listened to today and your Mum receives the treatment she needs.
Thinking of you. Xx

Hope today is a better day.

I presume they are doing bloods every day. Are they showing deterioration or are they stable or improving?

It is hard to be by yourself but in some ways easier because you develop a way of managing it all and someone else being there unsettles that. I was the same with my DH. For me it was about controlling things- I am a bit of a control freak when I am stressed. But he loved my mum and he wanted to spend time with here and she loved seeing him- he kept her entertained and he was a bit of normality for her. For me he unsettled my emotional control of myself.

I would get DH to come with you, although he may defer to you about 'stuff' with your background, you will not be alone physically. I would take comfort from Dh being with me.

Hope mum has managed to eat a little more. (((((Hugs))))) and take time for yourself, even if just in a small way.

So sorry to hear this. Could you and dh just grab a coffee somewhere nice or a bit of a walk? This is a marathon-please look after yourself.

Just sending you some Mumsnet support, I know what it feels like to sit next to your mum in hospital, but it must be very hard when you are medical as well. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself as well.

Hope that she improves
X

It is so tough. I was in the same place with my mum this time last year. She had stage iv kidney failure, aortic stenosis and other less serious problems but which added to the overall picture. She had had problems every sixth months or so where everything would get out of balance, she would start retainng fluid which would putpressure on her heart andlungs. She was very anaemic because of. her kidney problems which caused further breathlessness and periodically needed a transfusion.
We reached the end point last January where everything just gave up over a two week period in hospital. I thought they would stabilise her as they had every other time but she had no reserves left and they just couldn't. They discussed palliative care with me- but had not given up quite on seeing what they could do. She died in her sleep that night.
It was so hard and I knew it was coming but never wanted it to arrive.
I do hope your mum responds

Aaaaaah. Gorgeous kids- and mum looks cool too!

I found the thread. (I'm on hayday) I'm glad your mum has rallied having family around her. If you need to be there for your mum, work will have to come second for a while. Make sure you make time for yourself amongst all the pressure to help you stay strong. It sounds as if you are doing a brilliant job fighting your mums corner.

Sending too. Look after yourself.

Hugs from me too .... lovely, precious photo. Glad you're taking next week off - you can't do everything. Crossing everything that this weekend won't be a repeat of last.