dad went suddenly blind at 83: advice please on how to help him

Dad is getting stronger. He is happier because he sleeps in his own room with his own cosy duvet, listens to music he likes, watches his favourite programmes, and can chat politics and current events in a loud voice to his hearts content without worrying about the next door bed. I visit regularly and chat and do his exercises with him and listen to loud classics together- its a very happy time with a slow and gentle pace like having a baby.

But he still isn't eating much and is frail and survival is by no means certain. He gets nightmares from time to time. He still gets upset putting a spoon in his mouth (the memory of the breathing tube).

Mum, oddly, appears to have mentally abdicated. Having 4 sets of carers coming in at times which suit them has been very stressful and she feels she doesn't have control of her daily routine and she is also unhappy that dad isn't eating much. I dont know if her lack of will is tiredness or old age or both. I am not worried about dads slow progress but she doesn't see that there is light at the end of the tunnel so there are still dark times at home. Mum has found a lovely cleaner though, to help with the interminable laundry, which is nice.

11 round the table, pulled the crackers with dad, lots of jokes, loads of family photos, a brilliant time was had by all. No arguments for the first time ever. 5 course meal. Fabulous day. DC helped with the washing up.

Carers are a bit odd. They are meant to come 4 times but today only came twice.

Dad is fine though not eating or drinking v much at all.
Mum is cheering up and beginning to be more confident.

Wishing everyone a happy New Year!

The community nhs staff have been wonderful. The district nurse has been, the physiotherapist has been, the chiropodist is due.

The carers have needed gentle house training re wiping muddy shoes but have been pleasant and kind.

I'm glad I have had this week off though. Coping with the number of new people coming to mum's house (what with the various bed and mattress deliveries as well) would have been very daunting for my mother alone. We are also really really glad that while my dad was in hospital the family blitzed mum's house one weekend and decluttered the room he is now in. We feel very very lucky.

Christmas was very very happy. Though quite quiet so as not to disturb dad too much.
Mum and I danced in the kitchen.

We postponed the big family get together which is now going to be tomorrow. The venue has moved to mums house this year instead of mine as dad can't be left. The table is laid, the menu determined, three generations have all committed.

Just needs me to do the cooking in the morning......gulp. Dad will be in the next door room while we are eating, but in with all the music making and poetry and charades- if he can stay awake! Most likely he will nod in the armchair.

It isn't easy having someone frail at home. The help is wonderful but still, it means strangers in the house, and with them coming 4 times a day at unpredictable hours which suit them, its worse than the gas man. The laundry and ironing is something else. Even mum now knows how to operate the washing machine.
The kit (bed, hoist etc) occupies a lot of space. Mum got depressed yesterday because dad wont eat much, and we can see that his personality has changed and that he is in pain some of the time. But on the whole we are managing and he is managing and the district nurse approved of our medicines and 'nappy' cupboard so we feel reasonably competent.

Dear all
thanks to an amazing district nurse and ward sister dad is home safe and sound and sleeping like a babe in his own brand new hospital bed with its retro dorma country duvet cover (replica obtained from ebay).

Everything went smoothly- DD and I went to collect him, the nutritionist gave us a week worth of supplements, the nurses gave us bed pans and wee bottles, the pharmacist gave us medicines, the OT gave us exercises, the Drs gave us a discharge summary. The ambulance man and woman came early, Mum greeted him with sweets, DS helped her move furniture, the carer came after he had settled in to wash and change him and now all is well and the family have had the bestest bestest Christmas present ever. Thank you to all the NHS staff in the community and hospital who came up trumps in the end to nurture him to be well enough to come home. and thank you to all of you who helped me to keep the better side of sane whilst going through it. I'm afraid I cried like a baby when the phone call came at 1 o'clock just as DD came through the door back from sailing, to say he was coming home. There really must be a God.

It is true. Sometimes I feel surreal and as if this cannot be happening in this day and age in the nhs which previously I had thought generally got things right. But the extent of the neglect and the extent of the cover ups and the extent of the crossness when one dares to remonstrate has been a real eye opener to me. One thing is obvious: Consultants haven't got the first idea of what really happens on a ward.

echt thank you . Any suggestions for indoor flowers at home this Christmas?
I'm not sure if this thread does constitute a legal document. Its only really for me to moan when things seem really too much and sometimes I haven't even put the worst stuff down because it is really too horrible. Like the time in ITU when he bled from his neck line for days so that he had to have a 4 unit blood transfusion and we would come in to find blood oozing down his neck through his dressing day and night. Eventually the consultant stitched it up. After we told him. The nurses has said not to worry for 5 days. Luckily it was on his blind and paralysed side so he didnt feel anything.
Or the time when his drip was down in ITU for over 48 hours and he was on a frusemide infusion through the central line and his tongue the size and texture of a chick pea and I rang 999 to say he was dying of thirst before they resited the drip. (doctors had previously been 'too busy')
Or the fact that when cross they press on his fractured leg to hurt him.

I am off work over Christmas so will be camping out whether with mum or in the hospital . Cheery if you see what I mean. Will be so much nicer to have him home surrounded by the family as all the DD DS are home from uni. We live a few minutes away so if he is home the plan is for me to stay with mum and dad at night and alternate meals at home/dads which thrills the grandchildren.
Watching the nurses go off to their families is making me grind my teeth. i never thought I would think their break was undeserved but I do. The permanent staff are taking the NHS for a ride. The ratio of nurses to patients is excellent but they spend a lot of time chatting, esp this time of year. I think I am undergoing a personality change.

Anyway the tree is up, the food is in, the house is clean, the laundry done. No cards done, no presents bought, no wreath on the door as yet but there is a warm bright home for the DS and DD to come back to, and for dad to come back to at mum's home. I am shattered but reasonably happy. Dad looks well and that is the main thing.

Dad left in own urine. No urine bottle in sight. We were told that nurse had 'changed his pyjamas' . Nice, except that he was not wearing any pyjamas.

Came to find cheery assistant sitting on his blind side calling him a monkey feeding him gloopy Ensure. Dad sitting in own urine in tears all the while. Dietician had previously said no need to put gloop in Ensure. Thrush and blood pressure medicine still not prescribed. We were told that doctors were busy and medicine cant be prescribed till Monday.

At our request, sheets changed, clean pyjamas (which we had left on the top of the cabinet the previous day) put on, dad sat up in bed. In the end I put my foot down and asked them to call the doctor straight away to prescribe his medicine as I was very angry. Blood pressure medicine and thrush medicine arrived within minutes. Nurses go into office in a huddle to write up notes doubtless saying how bolshy I am.

All this is routine. Will be familiar to most who read this thread. Yes to iphone filming btw . Would have been very useful especially in ITU. We don't have an iphone though.

We plan to ask if we can take him home tomorrow. He can make do with a home bed till his hospital bed arrives after Christmas. The care package was put into place on Friday and the hoist has arrived which is the main thing. Wish us luck.