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Elderly parents
Original poster

Emigrating and Dmil can't come for 2 years

111 replies

Mosman · 01/05/2012 20:08

And doesn't want to leave her pension, she'd loose 25% of it if she leaves the UK.
She's not in the best of health at the moment and on that basis alone would struggle to gain entry, but that aside its a long trip, she wants to travel in comfort which she/we could not afford but I think she wants us to pay for business class for her whilst we travel cattle class due to her arthritis.
We are definitely going but I'm quite cross with her that her bloody pension is coming before being with her family but if we left her behind what would happen to her if she deteriates is there any provision for those with no immediate family? What are people's experiences with social services etc please ?

OP posts:
besmirchedandbewildered · 02/05/2012 19:45

My word, have you had a bad day or are you always this grumpy straight-talking? Sounds to me like it is all about you.

Methe · 02/05/2012 19:44

Maybe she just doesn't want to go with you?

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:41

The easiest thing in the world would be for me to get on a plane and then listen to her complaints from 12,000 away both of us knowing there's nothing we can do to help her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:39

She hasn't got a life nulgirl, nobody fcuking likes her.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:38

In addition to the fact that she'll be up the creek if anything happens to her health wise.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:37

No I'm cross about her wanting a business class seat and her main concern upon breaking the news was "oh my pension" hugs money bags to her chest.

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nulgirl · 02/05/2012 19:36

Why would she want to move across the world leaving her life behind to be close to you when you don't appear to like her very much?

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:36

That's one way of looking at it or you could say we've invited her to live in our home, have 75% of her pension to spend on herself instead of paying bills and feeding herself and she doesn't have to be alone.
Hmm

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shushpenfold · 02/05/2012 19:35

Mosman - I may have misinterpreted your post but your comments about payment of air travel and of 'I'm quite cross that her bloody pension is coming before her family' does not sound like concern. Having said all that, if she does have only one son speaking to her, she may well come out to you once she realises that it's better to be with family than without (even if it is in a hot, super bug infested place!!Grin)

MortenHasNiceShirts · 02/05/2012 19:31

So you're moving abroad and you're expecting your MIL to not only come with you but then live with you in the new country? And also lose 25% of her pension? Hmm

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:31

Really ? It's more concern for an old woman who's pushed everyone she's ever had in her life out of it and now finds herself with just 1 son speaking to her and if he leaves I am concerned what happens to her.
Nobody else is.

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shushpenfold · 02/05/2012 19:28

You are moving, not her. Your decision to go, not hers. Quite frankly, if she wants to ring you up, unwell, from 12000 miles away, she can and then you have the decision to make. Don't slag her off just because her decision doesn't suit your new lifestyle. Sorry, but you are coming across as rather unreasonable and ever so slightly bullying.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:21

And it's all very well being her decision but will she be calling us up telling tales of woe and there's nothing we can do about it from 12,000 miles away.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:21

Well this is the thing, can she though if her health has deteriorated ? I just would like her to understand that the flight isn't going to get easier, her savings are going to dwindle if she keeps coming back and forth.

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upsidewide · 02/05/2012 19:18

It's her decision, she can always change her mind if at a later date after you have moved and come and join you more permanently (or part of the time).
Good luck with your emigration.

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:17

Actually thinking back, I'm not sure she doesn't want to leave it's more about it being on her terms which being old you can understand, it doesn't work that way though unfortunately.

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Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:14

I think you might be right and that's fine providing she'll be ok with her decision in years to come.

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shushpenfold · 02/05/2012 19:14

Erm, if I was 75 and had always lived here I'd be really hacked off if my dc was trying to pressure me in to going. You can make the decision to go but just because your MIL is older, this does not make her decision not to (which I suspect) any less valid.

upsidewide · 02/05/2012 19:09

I agree with Emsyj

Perhaps she doesn't want to leave the UK. I live overseas and my parents live in the UK. Whilst they like the idea of leaving the UK when it's cold and damp. I don't think they would want to live anywhere else.

Perhaps the pension thing is an excuse? REally all she wants to do is live out the rest of her life in the UK?

emsyj · 02/05/2012 19:04

Hm, am guessing it's a tax reason - if she's had the tax relief in the UK but then wants to take her pension income to spend/pay income tax on elsewhere then she might be penalised for that. Just guessing tho.

Do you think she just doesn't really want to go with you and is trying to come up with excuses?

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 19:01

I would mind but she's had 20 years out of the the pension, I think she's still up on the deal !

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emsyj · 02/05/2012 18:54

I have no idea what would happen if she was outside the EU - am intrigued though! I have never advised on pensions in payment where the pensioner moves out of the country - it's never come up for me in practice (or at least, nobody has ever felt the need to ask for advice about it!)

Interesting - must have a mooch around the teachers' pensions website and try and work it out.

mercibucket · 02/05/2012 18:33

I'm guessing it would be frozen

Original poster
Mosman · 02/05/2012 18:33

She's been told her teachers pension is not transferable, if she has that wrong that would be a huge relief she has also been told her old age pension wouldn't increase with inflation if she leaves the UK.
If that's wrong that would change things I'd imagine.
Thank you

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emsyj · 02/05/2012 18:32

Why will she lose pension? Sorry I don't get that. Am really curious, am trying to work out why she would lose out if she leaves the country and I can't fathom it out.

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