Emigrating and Dmil can't come for 2 years

Someone rattle your cage madwoman? Yes, you NEVER see people posting on threads once they go over the MN 28 day limit

I would strongly suggest seeking professional advice.

Someone who truly knows and understands the in's and out's...

KW
x

Did you get bored and want to start the ruck over again, shellybob? Only ordinarily, people don't post on month old threads...

I don't think you could force her to do anything at her age Mosman, even if you wanted too.
My mother is 74 and used to come to California twice a year to see us for a month or two at a time. She is getting to the end of being able to do the long haul flights they are doing her in, and we are a lot closer that Australia. She's coming in October and then we should be moving back to her in 2013.
She has also found it more and more difficult to find medical insurance for her trips out, many won't cover more than 30 days and they get more and more expensive every year as she gets older. Last time it was almost as expensive as the flight.
US has an agreement of sorts with UK so UK pensioners living here get the cost of living increases, no agreement with Aus so they are frozen at the amount they get when they move. I believe it's the same for Canada.
You may want to rethink moving her out permanently, anything could happen medically and isn't Aus more like US and you'd be on the hook for the financial aspect of it all.

Mosman All I can say is that you sound like a saint, I can't believe some of the abuse you've had on here.

Good luck to you, I really hope everything works out for you.

Yes, you should now. Your dh should be dealing with her now the main decision's been made.

Mind you, people are more likely to grass on what they see as benefit cheats, though she's not what you'd call a typical one. Just be aware.

Hmmm, good luck. Is she willing to sacrifice that 25% now?

OP

Have you thought what would happen if MIL comes out to live with you and then becomes ill with (say) ALzheimers or some very debilitiating conditions. Who would look after her - would there be funding in your new country for this or would it fall to you and your family.

I would most definietly think that at 75 your MIL should stay where she is. 75 is too old to be making a new life on the other side of the world.

Oh Mosman, how can your dh expect you to support her as well? What does he say? Does he back you up?

Sexist I know, but it didn't occur to me that you were the breadwinner and paying for it all. I suppose because it was MIL making financial demands, I assumed those demands were being made on your dh, not you.

How on earth can you expect to have a good future in a new country with an extra adult who has such expectations of you? How is that going to work?

It raises your sense of duty to an exceptional level. Hats off to you.

Organize a spa day for your next day off. DH to deal with everything, absolutely everything, so you get a decent rest, and deep relaxation, or you simply won't last the course.

Have you got a job out there? Has dh? Have you got a house to go to, or will you be in a hotel, or what?

It really is important that you get some time off. Please make that your priority.

Oh Mosman that all sounds horrible. But without doubt ...leave her behind. It sounds tbh like they are abusing your willingness to provide. I would not financially maintain another adult....partner or parent in law.

(Nor would I expect to be maintained)

Have you not passed your medicals yet then? So you guys don't have visas yet?

If it's a tb cxr, the fags won't impact.

I thought you were in the middle of an employment tribunal as well?

When are you actually supposed to be going?

Are you sure your other work worries etc aren't just combining into a v stressful time and you are not overreacting?

If your marriage is in trouble before you even go, then you all really need to sit down calmly and discuss whether you are going to bother.

Usually the big new start just moves your existing troubles issues and difficulties to an unfamiliar location. You take your metaphorical baggage with you, as well as your literal stuff.

Emigrating is stressful, we all know that. But in this case I'm not sure you ave all sat down and discussed it rationally, it seems full of expectations and bitterness. All of the adults involved need to make up their own minds.

I wish you luck, and I hope it all works out.

Leave her behind, and tell your DH if he wants to stay with her he is more then welcome. Please do not take her with you for the sake of your sanity

Go, start a fantastic new life, send her a post card. Job done

Try to take a step back, take some deep breaths and look for objectivity. Trite, I know, but your posts show how stressed you are, and I think that if you an find half an hour to just sit and be quiet, it will help.

I do applaud your sense of duty and obligation towards your MIL despite her unpleasantness.

I'm glad she's made a decision and I hope it doesn't impact too harshly on your ability to settle into your new life.

You've ensured she understands the implications of her staying alone in UK, but does she understand the implications of her going with you? You won't necessarily be able to support her financially. Is she still expecting the top-up to her pension, for instance?

Your decisions impact on her

You seem to want everyone to fall in line with you and your thoughts. You cannot make her think the way you want her to. All you can do is decide your own path

OP - she is an adult capable of making decisions. Let her.

You are resenting her manipulation of you to pay for travel that you can't afford and pension top up.

Put it to her - this is the deal - it's her choice whatever she decides. Yes you have to accept living with the worry but it might be the best choice for her.

Accept her choice.
My 85 yr old neighbour lives alone. She copes and is very independent.