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I am deliberately not namechanging. This is ugly. Or going to be. (Division of assets after my parents pass away)

79 replies

QuintessentialShadows · 09/04/2012 23:33

I dont know where to start.
I am in my parental home for Easter, back in Norway.
My sister just left.
My father is wealthy. He lives alone, is disabled, mum is in a nursing home due to dementia.

It turns out that, it seems that my sister is plotting to get this house.

I told her in Christmas that long term, me and dh would not be opposed to moving back here and taking over the house. It is old, big, ramshackle, on three floors, many rooms, very awkward, and cost a fortune in bills. But it has space for all our outdoors gear and sporting equipment, can house a large campervan next to the garage, etc. The schools nearby are nice. We are a family of 4.
My dad would be devastated if the house "left" the family.

My sister is a single parent on disability benefits with one daugther, with ME (this is relevant). My sister has scoliosis and arthritis, and currently lives in the canaries, due to the weather. This house is in the bloomin Arctic.

I have just been told that my sister approached my dad after Christmas, after I told her we were keen to move into the house in future, that she wants the house and offered to "buy" it from him cheaply.
My dad also told me that my sisters daughter let slip this summer that the house was possibly worth 400k, according to her uncle (dads brother) and that they would help her get it for herself.

Another relevant fact is that 10 years ago, my sister, who could not stand our uncle, the last few months of his life started to pay him real attention. She never bothered about him before. Whereas I would always spend time with him because I loved him, and she told me she loathed him. The result was that he left her a significant amount of money in a safe deposit box in town, kept away from his will.

She is a cunning cow that will think nothing of walking all over me.
When I was a teenager, me and her went on a holiday to nice. I got a really bad food poisoning. She bought lots of books. She wanted to go to the post office, to send the books home, to ensure her suitcase was lighter. She told me that she would help me with mine, as I was ill, if her suitcase was lighter. She said we needed to go by cab to the post office, due to me being ill. She did not need me at the post office, she spoke fluent French. I was in bed at the hotel feeling awful, and she dragged me out and into a cab. She told me I had to pay the cab journey with all the books to the post office. Because I was ill, and she would have walked unless I came with her. On the way back to the hotel, she found another bookshop. And went straight in, to buy more books, as she now had room in her suitcase. She did not help me with my suitcase, but I paid for the cab fare to the post office, and for sending her books home.
She has a good full time job. I had saved up for 6 months, and had a summer job, to pay my share of the holiday and have pocket money.

Now she seems to be plotting to get the house. I dont know what to think and what to do. I told my dad today that Maybe it is best he makes a will, and stipulate that my sister gets the house, and make it fair. Because I know he is fair, and always have wanted to be fair to the two of us. I told him I only have one sister, and I dont want any relationship to be ruined by her plotting to get the house so maybe it is better if she actually gets it.

This was actually sparked by us finding a box of needlework after my grandma in the attic. She sat back and let me chose some the tablecloths, volunteering that I have the ones she had admired the most the following day when we found them, with dad present, making a song and dance about me getting the "best ones", and eventually taking my pile of tablecloths with her to Spain, "by mistake".

I am possibly not thinking clearly, I have had wine, and I am tired. But what do I do?

It is not about the house. She can have the house. I just hate that she is plotting and making intrigue to get it, behind my back, and with dad still alive and living here, after I have told her I would be keen to have it at some point in the future, thinking she would not be able to neither look after it nor pay its upkeep. I would be happy to not have it. I just feel that again I am betrayed. And I am sad that she appears to not give a shit about me, and that greed always seem to come in the way. Sad

OP posts:
hellymelly · 09/04/2012 23:43

Well this sort of thing is really horrible to deal with.( I saw dh's sister sneak out some laundry bags that had belonged to his Granny, when we were clearing her flat. I think she thought that we would want them and so hid them which made me really upset.) I think you are right and your Dad needs to make a will, but he really does need to be extremely fair and divide the assets properly between the two of you. Did your mother make a will before her dementia set in? Don't give up and say that she should have the house, especially if she just wants to sell it, but talk to your Father and tell him you would like to live in it- maybe it could be left to both of you but on the understanding that you live in it? I am lucky in that my own brother is very fair and I we can deal with this sort of thing easily together, but wills do break families apart, so talk about it now.

mathanxiety · 09/04/2012 23:41

Your dad needs to make a will. Today.

Get him to talk to a lawyer or whoever does this sort of thing in Norway.
Get it done before you leave.
If necessary, stay in Norway until it is all seen to.

Sadly it is too late for your mum as she is not of sound mind.

EduStudent · 09/04/2012 23:40

Oh heck Sad No idea what to say, certainly nothing helpful or constructive, hopefully someone else will be along soon.

SarahStrattonsEasterName · 09/04/2012 23:39

Ello Quint, nothing to offer but just wanted to say :( for you, and families can be an absolute mare.

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