I despair, I wish I could just not care, but dear god give me strength

Honestly I would never have realised how a UTI could affect an elderly woman until I saw my Mum. She really was like a different person. My friend works for SS and she said they get calls saying that their Granny has got dementia overnight. They then tell the person it is probably a UTI.

Oh love .

My parents are going through very similar with my grandad (86). He has been in hospital for 5 weeks now, they have fixed what was wrong initially but he really isn't on this earth no more. He has gone down hill so rapidly. We went to see him on Sat and whilst he knew who were and he did have a brief discussion with DH about the rugby which was on the tv in the next bay, he thought he was back in North Africa in the war, he then thought we were all on a "vessel" at sea. I just had to agree with what he was saying . He has just shrunk so much and he is now this little old man who is not able to stand without lots of help. SS are now involved and my family had a meeting with them last week. He will not be going back to his own house .

Keep strong and keep fighting Kbear xx

Very glad to hear that things are looking a bit more hopeful. That's good news.

Kbear - hang on in there..... We had similar situation with PIL's in Norwich and us 3 hours away, with tiny DS. My DH an only child, so it all fell to us to sort out.

My Mum came up with some sage advice when I was wringing my hands in utter despair which was... Just wait for something to happen. It WILL happen, and THEN the wheels will start to turn in your favour - ie someone WILL actually take notice of your/their predicament and something WILL happen.

Sounds like Peter the A&E doctor could be your link.

You get through all the childbirth and early years, read the books, feel the worry - and then its time to deal with your parents or PIL's... and where's the self help book when you need it, eh?

Good Luck. Be Brave - and cry to whoever you think may help your cause.

Oh sweetheart, never realised you were going through all this. Sounds absolutely horrendous. Speak to you later

oh kbear, but you must not stand in the way of proper diagnosis, treatment and care.

My parents had also been married 50 years, but had to be separated for my mum to get the care she needs.

Not all hospitals have proper facilities for geriatric psychiatry!

Visiting them in two places wont be for ever!

Kbear - I just can't post all jokey and positive and also supportive the way some people can .

My posts always read not the way I mean them to .

But I wanted to say that this thread ,your posts ,are really useful ( tho of course I realise awful for you ) and an education .

What I've learnt is that you have to be incredibly forceful ,assertive ,pedantic and on the case all the time -wot hebiegebies said .
I had to move in and live in the hospital to get my mum sorted .
It wasn't easy and actually I think I sacrificed my son's AS grades as a result .

But it worked .

It so shouldn't be necessary ,but it is .

I hope all goes well today, thinking of you.

Kbear, glad they seem to be listening to you. Well done. And yes, you do need to be firm and over rule your MIL. Good on you.

I've spent the best part of the last fortnight with my late DF's friends and is something almost all of them have started using regularly. One could almost say it's gone viral with them, but they're not that sort of generation.

Kbear hope it will do something to retrieve your in-laws' and your peace of mind.

Thinking of you today.

Good luck today kbear. You are a Godsend. Your family is very lucky to have you

Good luck for today Kbear.

good luck today Kbear

my heart goes out to you, as with many others on this thread, partly through sympathy and recognition

will log on later, hoping for something positive for you all

Luck wished
You are a great daughter in law, they are lucky to have you
Sadly we have found with elderly relatives, they need a supporter with them 24/7 to get the care they need. With Granny we took it in turns to sit with her. Thankfully she had a large family as it was exhausting

You're going to be there ( even though they'll say you're not allowed and won't want you to be ) when the docs do their rounds ?
I found I had to be ,only way to get any sense out of the professionals .

Got your tin hat ?

Hi KBear, sorry I missed your posts on Saturday as I was busy. Just to say I've worked in hospitals (maybe you could tell!) - even on weekends! Hindsight is a wonderful thing of course, but I should probably have posted when you mentioned the bladder infection and dehydration that each of those two things can send a rational, completely sane, balanced and wise elderly person completely bonkers. Totally loopy. And with both combined, well ,that's even worse. It sounds like what happened on Saturday (and just putting two and two together) lunchtime was that they were short of beds and wanted to discharge whichever elderly person had the most simple looking pathology and could walk and feed themselves. Although if I'd been on duty on that ward, I'd probably say that a patient who had been confused and refusing medication the night before was probably unlikely to be significantly cured the next morning, such that I could send her home. That didn't seem logical for them to want to discharge her but then it wouldn't surprise me - worse things have happened, so to speak......anyway, I'm glad you stuck to your guns and refused to let them discharge her.

I think it does sound as though she is septic still, given her mental state today. I'd also be curious to know how much fluids she has actually managed to drink in hospital? It can be notoriously difficult to get an accurate picture of this in elderly patients' wards - they are supposed to measure how much the jug gets emptied, but cups of water often get spilled, tossed in the sink, placed on the wrong tray by patients or staff, etc. Only reliable method is for someone to sit with her and write it all down. I suspect she is still dehydrated if she had refused medication the day before. Repeat blood tests on Monday or Tuesday might give an indication of whether the dehydration is improving.

Hope you and DH can both get as good a rest as possible. It's quite a strenuous week ahead with all the meetings, questions and assessments. But no, they mustn't discharge either of your parents in law until they are truly medically fit and both have been assessed by an old age psychiatry/psychogeriartric/elderly mental health professional first.

Just seen this thread, and want to say I feel so much empathy with you, all of you who are dealing with this, esp kbear.
I looked after my mother for many years before she passed and it made me crazy.
I was so tired and stressed and overwhelmed.
She was a love, funny and so, so kind but bloody awkward in her last years. She was so funny and heartbreaking when she got a urinary infection, she would say the wickedest things, so out of character.
But I cried so often trying to get her to eat or do as the doctors suggested.
She had COPD and used inhalers. Well I say used loosely, just put it in her mouth and hoped for the best.
Sorry I'm rambling, it's Mother's Day and I miss her though I wouldn't wish that she had lived longer.
I am an only child and had to deal with all the professionals. Be very nice but very firm and show the stress and strain you are under. It is so hard, and to be honest, harder with a MIL, you are amazing and very big hearted
Good luck tomorrow will think of you xx

Glad you've had the weekend without as much stress. I hope this all works out well for you, your family and MIL?