how do you know when to get power of attorney?

SSD, as everyone else has said, you need to get this in place BEFORE your mum loses her faculties. (Not saying she will, but she might...) A power of attorney can only be granted by someone of sound mind. You should look at a Lasting Power of Attorney, which will remain valid even in the event that your mum becomes mentally incapable (ordinary powers of attorney lapse on mental incapacity). You might find this a good, plain English explanation: www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/472?gclid=CNeAvJGYqawCFcod4Qod3mQTAw

Thanks for the advice. I think we will have to start being more pro-active as we cannot keep on like this. We are prepared to help with costs but not pay the full amount as we cannot really afford it. Jetgirl - younger b-in-l is a selfish arse so I definitely do not mind you saying it. SSD don't want to take over your thread just wanted to encourage you to get PofA asap before it becomes much more difficult and more expensive.

Isla - I agree with readsalot; my dad has no idea that he is not capable of dealing with his own affairs, though talking to him you wouldn't necessarily know that he had a brain injury depending on whether you catch him during his more sensible moments! He has very severe memory problems as a result of his brain injury which is why Mum is going through the Court of Protection to become his court appointed deputy. She hs various letters from his doctors stating his incapacity to deal with any of his own affairs and has been able to use them to change his mobile from contract to PAYG as he was racking up huge bills by phoning us and begging to come home from the unit he is being treated in, to phoning us to say he needs to stay a while longer as he has lots of work to do.

It is not easy, but if you have a good solicitor, they will guide you through it with minimum upset.

Isla - I think you should seek some legal advice. As far as I know if an individual will not grant POA but is unable to manage affairs then the court can grant a "guardianship" order. This is the case in Scotland but I would think there must be some similar provision in English law. A guardianship order has to be regularly renewed which means going back to the court whereas POA is continuing. Why don't you post on the legal thread and see if anyone can advise. The other place I have found useful is the moneysavingexpert website for thsi kind of thing. I agree with jetgirl re your bil ! Certainly worth keeping records of how much you're spending so you can recoup against anything mil leaves ! All this sort of thing is very draining and it can feel really overwhelming.

Isla, that sounds awful. In my dad's case all interested parties have been happy for my mum to go ahead with the application. She was.told that anyone who did object would incur the court costs. Is it worth seeking proper advice over your mil's situation. Your bil sounds like a selfish arse, if you don't mind me saying!

I agree with what others have said. My m-in-l would not allow us to have P of A as she said she was managing fine. However, she is no longer able to manage - almost blind (only a tiny bit of peripheral vision), very deaf, and in the early stages of dementia. She is in a Nursing Home and cannot sign direct debit forms to pay for this or for other bills. We are now in the position of paying half the cost of the home every month (b-in-l number 1 pays other half, £2000 for each of us) and our savings are dwindling fast. We also have to pay her phone bill as she cannot understand about paying it and she refuses to get money from bank to pay us back. Also there are other things she needs from time to time and we end up paying for those too as she cannot sign cheques or use her bank card. I am seriously worried as we have saved hard for our old age and now our money is going fast so goodness knows what will happen to us in old age. Other b-in-l will not agree to us going for welfare/financial guardianship as it will affect "his inheritance" he says. He pays nothing towards her keep at the moment. We are in an impossible position.

Hi ssd - POA is definitely worth arranging sooner rather than later. As others have said it needs to be granted so if you wait until your mum is no longer able to deal with her affairs it will be too late. My mum is similar to yours - doesn't have dementia but just can't cope with paper work/bills etc and I do all of it for her now. We arranged POA a couple of years ago and it is worth having for when you are in the situation when your mum isnt able to be present - she may be in hospital for example. If you google "office of the public guardian" you'll find the website and it explains everything - I think you're in Scotland like me so it is slightly different up here. It does need a solicitor to arrange but it is money well spent.

I have already discussed this with my parents who are still working, in their early 60's, healthy etc etc. We are planning to get it all sorted within the next 2-3 years - long before it will be needed - so as to be prepared.

ssd if you are already experiencing difficulties in dealing with your mothers affairs without her present, think how much more difficult it could get if/when she can't help you deal with it.

The friend I mentioned above is getting SO stressed as she's an only child,& it's the family home she is selling so it's not just a house & she is grieving losing her Mum to that god awful ALzheimers so its really spurred us all on.

I'm like you, my mum & I are close & I know what she would like & she trusts me that if she was ill I'd do what I know she would want. However if you can wave a bit of paper under any stroppy officials nose it is SO much easier! My sister & I will be joint POA so there will always be 2 of us to make any decisions.

Sorry ssd, I wasn't being snippy. My parents help me out too!

I meant if social services get involved, start doing financial assessments etc, and it gets to a point that your mum's Mental Capacity is in question - they could put two and two together, make five, and end up having concerns that they would be obliged to investigate. It could be very distressing for both of you. But if you have POA and solid, documented instructions from the solicitor it will protect you both.

We're looking into this with my mum-you don't have to use a solicitor but if your parents affairs are complicated then it might be wise.

My mum has been on the directgov website & got all the forms, we've discussed it in detail & she has documented her wishes.

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We were thinking of doing it anyway but a good chum of ours is currently in terrible trouble as she didn't for her mum & now she has Altzheimers & is in a nursing home & the chum is having to go to court to prove Mum is incapable of sorting things out. She needs to get POA so she can sell Mums old house to pay the care fees, currently standing at £20k & is being hassled weekly by Essex county council for the money.

DH has been looking into getting power of attorney with DBIL for his mother. It does cost quite a lot via a solicitor - there's a fair bit of paperwork involved - but works out far cheaper than not having one and then having to deal with the Court of Protection if the person ends up unable to deal with their affairs and is without a power of attorney.
It isn't necessary to use a solicitor as you can obtain the forms from the DirectGov website and fill them in yourself.

Sorry, I mean legally, not specifically

What's her condition / diagnosis?
The thing is, as she's an older person, even if she doesn't have a cognitive impairment now, she may develop one, which will throw you all into a whole load of bother if there's no one specifically appointed to deal with her finances.
If she's helping you out financially, and you're dealing with her money, that leaves you wide open to allegations of financial abuse. I really would recommend getting advice from a solicitor to protect both of you.

Definitely sort while you can. My mum has had to go through the court of protection as my dad (only 63) suffered an acquired brain injury earlier this year which has left him incapable of being in charge of his own affairs. It's horribly complicated paperwork and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. POA is much simpler to sort and needn't be so costly.
AgeUk will be helpful.

We did it about 8 years ago for my mother, despite her being of sound mind at the time. My father was on the cusp of being incapable when he signed. The solicitor came to the house when he was on one of his 'good' days.

We were told it is never too soon to arrange this. Even for me and DH, now, naming our DC.

my mil sounds very like your mum. she has just given up with trying to organisebank / financial stuff. she does not have dementia but simply can't understand the letters etc. when she was in hospital last year it was a nightmare, they wouldn't even let us pay blls for her with our own money at times!
DH got power of attorney this year.
it cost us over 400 pounds so i wish we had used the age uk charity - they do do it cheaper.
if she is happy do it asap - our slow lawyers took about 6 months to do it anyway - bit like conveyancing needs constant chasing!