Husband not looking for somewhere to live after I asked to separate

If he is abusive and unsafe around the kids call the police and persevere with women's aid.

In the UK you could also apply straight away to the court for an occupational order to have him removed if the court agree he shouldn't be there. Do some research to see if your country has similar.

There are other domestic abuse services than Women's Aid. It's clear that you and your daughter are experiencing domestic abuse.

www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#find-additional-information-and-support

There is a list of agencies here.
https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/womens-aid-directory/

You don't seem to be in the UK, so our advice may not apply.

What did the woman you spoke with advise? Did she not help you because she knows him?
Don't give up, stay strong.

A solicitor will just answer her questions and tell her likely outcomes and how much money/ legal process she will need to achieve various options. They won’t take her under their wing and give her personal advice. And it’ll cost the best part of £500

If she contacts the police/social services and they remove him from the home because of the violence and the family being scared of him. She could seek one. As I said this depends on how the police deal with the situation and if they feel justified in asking him to stay away, which depends on what evidence/story OP tells them and if he has previous etc none of which we know.

You are being abused OP. I cannot believe the responses you have had so far. You really need support from a domestic abuse charity to deal with this. Please get help.

@MillyHilly99 you need to report the abuse when it happens to Police. Each and every time. Punching holes in the door is abuse. In fact, go down to your local station and ask to speak to someone about what has been happening as it may be coercive control.

They will then arrest him or help you get an occupancy order so he HAS to leave the property.

In the meantime, prepare the house for sale. Get estate agents in to estimate and take pics. Get things moving.

If he still refuses to leave, go to court. Get the sale forced by court.

Don't cook or clean for him or engage with him otherwise.

the police can’t stop someone going into their own home without a court order.

i agree, contact them, but it’s not necessarily going to be a solution or even make a difference

OP, can you tell us which country you’re in? People may be able to offer more specific advice if they know that. 💐

Can you move someone else in? A woman I know got her big ( in all senses) brother to
move in. The soon to be ex husband’s abuse stopped immediately.

With this update OP, you should report to the police. Tell them that you and the children are frightened of him and that he watches porn in their presence. They will be able to advise you how to get a solicitor and how to report to social services.

Or you can tell the school and they can help you but do it quick before they break up for the summer holidays.

If your children are younger, you can tell your health visitor or you can even tell your GP. All these people will be able to help you.

Tell them about the abuse and the porn, not so much the moving out as that will require specialist advice.

That is truly awful that he is watching porn in front of your daughters. Truly awful. He should go, absolutely, but if he won’t, please protect yourself and your children and get out. Then see a solicitor re selling the house later. Your safety is paramount here and you’re vulnerable now you’ve indicated you want a divorce. Take care, I wish you all the best.

See a family specialist solicitor and tell her everything op. My exh was similar and I got a non molestation order to remove him from the home. There is help out there don’t loose hope.

Unfortunately, the OP has left, as some of the posters were too hard on her. This woman has English as a second language and is a victim of abuse. This is a horrible situation to be in, and we did not make it any easier for her. While many people offered her constructive advice, it might have sounded too complicated to her in her particular situation. However, some others basically started bashing her for wanting her husband to leave “his own home.”

I think people do not realize how important this site is. For a lot of us, it is a lifeline, the only place where we can voice our concerns and feel safe. We need to do better as a group in taking care of people who come here for advice.

OP, if you are reading this, I just want to say I am sorry you did not get the support you needed. I hope you will find it in real life and that your situation will soon get better. Take care. Hugs!

Don’t leave OP! You gave incomplete information in your first post and people are reacting to that.

If he is a safeguarding risk to your children (I’m guessing he’s not their father?) can you speak to the police?

Is he on the deeds of the house or just the mortgage?

You need legal advice, not Mumsnet!

Speak to the police and a lawyer! It sounds like he coerced you into adding his name and is financially abusive. Talk to a lawyer asap!

Speak to rights of women and see if he has carried out enough abuse to get an occupation order or similar

It’s irrelevant if his name is in the deeds or mortgage. It’s his marital
he and he has as much rights to reside there as op

ss I stated much further upthread, if he won’t leave voluntarily the only recourse is to successfully win an occupation order.

so op needs to start divorce - can be started online
start financials ( form a)
see a solicitor about lodging an occupation order claim and whether the Barbie high enough to do be successful
possibly also seek non molestation order too ( and can only practically be successful if there’s also an occupation order)
seek child arrangements order

op can Google and research these herself as well but I’d advise a solicitor here too ( often I’d advise keeping to a minimum but here k think it’s really necessary )

@MillyHilly99 you are no longer a team and he was absolutely awful when you were a team. He will be worse now. You need to get the divorce rolling and get the financial aspect sorted. He sounds like an awful man.

You are going to need to drive this. You will sit in that house waiting for him to leave until your hair turns grey. You are in charge of sorting this out, he will not do you any favours.

You need professional help. Get back in touch with Womens Aid today and tell them everything, as them for the safest way to proceed, and for signposting to other agencies, and take their advice. Contact the Police and report the violence. Get yourself a solicitor and get the divorce underway. Get three valuations from estate agents and choose one and get the house on the market.

I'm presuming you're not doing this because you are scared for your safety and that of your DC. If this is the case, and you can afford to, then get yourselves under another roof. You can't do this blind, you need professional advice, find it and take it.

You need to report/document any abuse. Doesn’t have to be just physical

Are the daughters his?

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. It sounds like getting legal advice sooner rather than later could really help you understand your options regarding the family home, finances and the next steps.
Sapphire Solicitors are well worth speaking to. They provide expert support with separation, divorce, family law and Residential Conveyancing, so if property is involved they can help with both the legal and conveyancing aspects. Wishing you and your daughters all the best.

I’m so sorry you and your daughters are going through this. I was in a similar position three years ago. My husband was unemployed for many years, he was abusive and by filling in an online form to the police he was arrested the next day. I contacted NCDV. They helped to arrange an occupation order for six months, I had to go to court for this. The police involved social services who arranged a DV worker. The police put in place a non molestation order for six months. I then remortgaged the house to buy exh out. The divorce with a solicitor took six months to complete. The social worker can arrange therapy for yourself and your children. Can you take these steps? It’s difficult but I promise you and your children will thrive in a peaceful household ❤️

Surely OP can just call the police on her h for the watching porn with DC around issue?

Pls call the police and you can have him arrested OP. If your first post had started with this, you would have got very different responses to the ones you got initially which upset you

Ofc , you do not have to leave the family home when you have been paying full mortgage etc. You can divorce him and all of that, but first thing is to get him behind bars away from any children. It is illegal his abuse of them

The children wont be removed from your care if that is what you are afraid of re involving the authorities

Other option is leave tonight with the DC and go to a refuge, they can help you sort next steps financially. and help with getting a divorce. There are BAME organisations as well alongside Womens aid. Please call them. Be brave OP and keep posting on here, we are here to hold your hand through this