Am I unreasonable not to agree to his new child access rota

So basically he is going to stick to seeing his dcs 8 times a month but in a different schedule.
i mean, that’s already more than many fathers who see their dcs EOW with no weekday overnight. (Even though I agree it’s not a lot either)

And yes his change in job means he is going to have a 3 weeks break wo seeing tge DCs.
Now I’m going to play devil’s advocate there. If you were still with him, the situation would have been the exact same. I’d even gather it WAS the same when you were together (I imagine he was already working away like this then. Like offshore, oil rig etc…type of work?)
Children will adapt. They will cope with a change of routine. It happens. Parents change their work schedule, move. That’s all part of life.
You can’t have a go at him for having a new job. You might be unhappy that he isn’t getting a ‘normal’ 9-5 job where hed see his DCs EOW. But you’re separated now. It’s his choice and he’ll be the one living through the consequence on his relationship with his dcs. I feel you have to let that go

Im assuming you don’t work @Princess90x given you won’t answer the question. You don’t have any reason not to accommodate other than you don’t want to keep changing. As I said earlier 3 weeks without seeing him isn’t ideal but also assuming you knew this was a risk with the type of work he does when you had children with him.

Does anyone put the kids first in these situations? What's best for them?

What's the new message? I wouldn't send the one you posted on here as it doesn't move an thing forward. A mediator isn't going to agree that he should give up work, a court is going to want him to see the children as often as he can around his job. You need to be clear on why you can't accommodate that, you have answered any questions on her about what you want and whether this would affect your job.

I personally would try my best to ensure my child has a great relationship with their father

Your maths is wrong, it might help to think of it over a 12 week period as 2,3,4 and 6 all go into that - don't think of it as blocks.

However, it doesn't mean you shouldn't be annoyed at always having to accommodate him and change to suit him. Is it Impossible he have the kids when he's got work (like he's away on an oil rig) or could he have a night then and just work round it like everyone else has to do?

His proposal is not unreasonable. Just extend the 4,3,4 over the 3 weeks so he has them 12 nights over that 3 week period.

Half holidays when he’s not working is also fair.

and agree with others / you should clarify your work and his impacted this is as that would help determine whether you or he should make concessions here,

I wouldn't send that OP, why are you asking for forgiveness? Your not proposing an alternative option either? Im not sure what your ex can do if the is new rotation is mandatory.

I also don't see your point about assuming school holidays only meant the summer holiday. My ex keep our arrangement the same during the school holidays unless one of is taking DD away.

Is it currently

week 1 you 7 him 0
week 2 you 7 him 0
week 3 you 3 him 4
week 4. you 3 him 4

you 20/28 him 8/28
you 260/364 him 104/364 but potentially an extra 9 days in holidays (or 21?)

Is it proposed

week 1 you 7 him 0
week 2 you 7 him 0
week 3 you 7 him 0
week 4 you 3 him 4
week 5 you 3 him 4
week 6 you 3 him 4

you 30/42 him 12/42
you 260/364 him 104/364

You have them 71% of the time, he has them 29% of the time with adjustment for holidays

You need to think about what you want and what is best for the kids and go from there. Do you want 50:50? Do you want him to have them the whole 3 weeks when he is back? Does he use A/L to have them for longer? How much does each schedule affect your own earning potential? Are you trying to “make” him have a more conventional job? What would the long term financial implications of that be? What would the impact of more overnights with dad, but dad being at the office until 6 every day be?

3 weeks is both a long time to not see your dad and an entirely normal situation in the context of offshore work. Lots of kids have a parent who works away but the parent is dependent on the other parent facilitating that. Do you want to stop facilitating it and go to a 4/3 overnight arrangement? What if he agrees to that, still works away, and makes childcare provision on “his” days? I don’t really understand what you want the outcome to be. What are you mediating for?

I think you're going to end up having to do it anyway so up to you whether you force everyone through court or not. Discussing it properly through mediation seems sensible so all bases are covered that there isn't squabbling over school hols.

@Princess90x the question of whether you work and to what extent the new proposal interferes with that is highly relevant.

OP…you have avoided the question that has been asked MANY times in this thread.

IS THIS AFFECTING YOUR OWN WORK ARRANGEMENTS?

DO YOU WORK?

If the answer is no, then you will not win any kind of concession over this.

Please use full stops as these will help make your posts easier to understand

The question you haven't answered is can you accommodate this change or not?

Does he work a job ie rigs/shipping where he is away from home for the 3 weeks? Thats what it sounds like. I'm sorry your explanations are really difficult to follow I cannot understand what it is you don't agree to do you want him to have the kids more or less when he is off?
You cannot force him to take up access or a more equal split especially if he has a job where he is away for 3 weeks. I would look for a fair split with him having kids more in his home time and holidays as long as that works for you too. You can claim cms if you have kids more nights across the year

Oh, I agree.

With your own work schedule, can you accommodate the change? I don't know how mediation will realistically solve the issue. He won't be able to continue the two week pattern- with his work changes, he won't be in the country. I doubt court would expect him to either.
If he did change jobs and 50/50 was awarded (it would be at some stage) would that be better? What pattern are you proposing when he goes to the three week work rota.

@ClaredeBear ”I must say that trying to force him to look after his children when he doesn’t want/isn’t able to, doesn’t sit quite right with me because they deserve stability and shouldn’t feel as if they’re being passed from pillar to post.”

He’s the one who’s organising arrangements around work as though 5he kids are parcels. OP is the stable base that’s expected to just fit around it.

He currently has them 4 days/week when he is off, so his suggestion makes sense. Over the year it adds up to the same amount of days.

I wouldn't say please forgive me if I got that wrong. Just remove that sentence.

So currently, during his weeks off, it's 4-3-4. But you want to change that to 3-2-3 if he's off for 3 weeks at a time instead of 2. No it needs to stay at 4-3-4. You're thinking he should get the same number of days over his "off" period. But he's going to get less "off" periods because they're longer so he needs to get more days during his off periods to make up for it.

You can apply to have a 2 week period in the holidays, that’s perfectly reasonable but he might get a 2 week period back (although you say he won’t want that) . I’d say to go on holiday or traveL to visit family in my application.