How to be ready to separate

As you have obviously been talking about the why, you need to now move to the when and how

Fo you have kids? If so, how do you plan to split parenting?

What do you plan for living arrangements - cohabiting or sell house, one of you buy other out?

Do you have pensions, savings, other investments to consider?

Can you agree financial split between you, or need solicitors?

Hopefully you both have family and friends to support - it’s not an easy time

Can you both afford to live on your own?

Are you sure this is what you want?

You provided no context - children, the house? Maybe neither but you need to make that clear when asking people for what would otherwise be random advice.

Does she have any idea you are now at this stage? What are the issues and is there any chance for mediation or counselling?

Would you have to sell the house to buy 2 smaller ones or could you buy her out?

Settlement will depend on length of marriage. Get together details of all money, savings, pensions, house value etc and get some legal advice on a fair split

How would you split childcare if you both have busy work life? Unless 50/50 there would be maintenance to pay until age 19

Is your child mid GCSES or college/apprenticeship? Could be a tough time for a separation, do they have any idea?

Lots for you to think about

Op have you read John Gottmans work?

Try seven principles of making marriage work. Then 8 dates. Read it apart and then again together. Best relationship books out there. Also fight right by Gottman.

Gottman counsellors are available if you can afford it.

You don’t hash out your issues, you understand that most arguements will never be fixed. You look at how to make bids and repair. At why you got together in the first place.

Read all his stuff - it’s excellent.

Good luck!

What parts are missing and can they be resolved ? Does she know it’s at this stage ? Will she feel the same?

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It sounds like you've made your decision that you're finished with this marriage and your child is nearly an adult, so that's reasonable. I'm guessing the part of the relationship that's missing is physical, but that's your business anyway. It's nobody else's place to say you've not tried hard enough, or that your reason isn't enough, or that your feelings can be dismissed. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and even then, sometimes its time is just over. You don't need to justify your decision to anyone except your wife. She deserves to have her questions answered honestly if it's possible to do so kindly. If you can't answer her kindly and in a way that supports her self-respect then hold your tongue; it is not taking the moral high ground to "honestly" say hurtful things.

You need to handle yourself with integrity and be financially transparent. As it's your decision, be prepared for the possibility that your wife will be very upset. She will need time to process.

You have one 16 year-old, so no childcare needs unless they have a disability or major health issues. Have you been staying for years until you felt your child was old enough to handle it, or is this just the way it's worked out?