Ex wants to live far awaynfrom the kids and I
I don't know what to do. Ex initiated break up 3 months ago.
He doesn't want to live near us (minimum if an hour away) as he doesn't want to be an 'on call dad"
Bit of background
- we have two kids aged 18 months and 5 years
- out 5 year old is autistic and needs help with a lot of daily activities emgmnewting and getting dressed. She is physically capable but heavily demand avoidant. She gets very anxious when she doesn't have autonomy. E.g. her dad had a plan to take her to the zoo (her favourite place) but she wouldn't go because it felt too pressured and because I wasn't also going.
- 5 year old going through school avoidance and I'm getting lots of assessments for her as she's just not coping. I see a difficult future ahead.
- taking both kids out together as one adult is very difficult due to safety concerns - 5 year old has run off in car parks a number of times with her dad. I am hypervigilant but he has untreated ADHD and is not on the lookout for this as much as me
- He is also saying he wants to only visit in my house
- He is staying he still wants to be involved and will stay over in a hotel several days a week nearby) and be around on weekends.
- I will be the resident parent doing all nights (both kids wake a lot in the night) and getting ready for school (which is a nightmare and my daughter needs one on one focus to get her dressed and out the door, handle all the emotions etc).
- when I ask how he thinks our oldest one to one needs will be met he just says "well they won't will they"