Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Divorce still at decree nisi after years, seeking guidance on pensions

83 replies

Ifallelsefails · 02/05/2026 22:54

We were married for 13 years when I left. - domestic abuse. 18 years later the divorce is still sat at Nisi, I'm the respondent. Family home sold & profit split 50/50. 1 child who is now 20, CMS paid by ex. He works for prison service - 35 years & counting. I worked from leaving school to 50 but then ill health struck & I'm on benefits.

He refused to attend Marriage Guidance Counselling towards the end of the marriage and during the divorce process he refused to attend mediation for finances. He's the sort of husband that likes to be in control of everything, his way. We did Form E's in 2012, solicitors involved on both sides, he wanted us to keep our own pensions but I wanted 30% of his to even things out. Nisi was granted in 2011 but he caused so much grief with contact & let DD down at every opportunity, 4 years in court about it - he just lied the whole time and I only realised the Nisi had been granted in the midst of it all, last year. I've been traumatised by him no end, we'll have been married 30 years this year.

He sacked his solicitor when I wouldn't agree to keeping our own pensions and that's where things have sat for 15 years, he's done nothing. We're both early 60s so I want this sorted and done with - it's abuse just doing nothing.

Has anyone been in this situation or can offer me any guidance please?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifallelsefails · 03/05/2026 16:22

Nat6999 · 03/05/2026 06:00

You can apply for the decree absolute but without the financial order either of you can make a claim against the other's finances. Your best bet would be to take him back to court for full financial disclosure, maybe receiving a court summons may focus his mind to the fact it would be cheaper to pay up than go through court again.

Thank you. At the time, when he abandoned negotiations & refused to attend mediation, my solicitor said it cleared the way to go to court but I'd need a barrister and was looking at £8K costs minimum, coupled with the fact that he probably wouldn't co-operate anyway, my solicitor said you'd just be throwing money away. He said he'd write to his pension provider and put a stop on his pension so he wouldn't be able to retire until he'd sorted it out - I don't know if this happened as my legal aid ran out & my solicitor retired. It was just left in limbo as my ex had all the cards.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 03/05/2026 07:46

It’s not set in stone that is correct.

However, it’s also highly likely op would be entitled to the portion accrued during marriage.
and it’s still really really grabby to expect a share of something you’ve contributed nothing to and not worked for two decades later

this thread highlights the importance of getting the consent order to stop people doing exactly this

zurigo · 03/05/2026 07:38

You need legal advice OP to sort this out, but since your ex has sat on this divorce, continuing to abuse you all these years, you may actually have a claim to part of his full pension pot, rather than just 10 years of it. His abuse might actually have a small silver lining, in that case!

Pandorea · 03/05/2026 07:30

You’re still married and there’s nothing set in stone that says you mightn’t be entitled to part of his pension accrued since separation. The court has really wide discretion to deal with assets on divorce. The reason not to apply for the final order before there’s a financial agreement is that if he dies you’d lose the spouse benefits under his pension. It sounds as if there’s nothing stopping him from applying though.
Assuming he still won’t go to mediation it does sound like you need to apply back to court.

millymollymoomoo · 03/05/2026 07:01

You’ll be entitled to a % of pension accrued during the marriage / not from post separation

very grabby if you expect a share of total
pot now 2 decades later after you separated

usererror99 · 03/05/2026 06:36

TBH I’d question why you wanted such a large chunk of his pension and who advised you to go for that when you only have one child and you were married barely more than a decade. You’ve been separated longer than you were married and it’s going to be incredibly difficult to value his pension as it was nearly 20 years ago! You aren’t entitled to 30% of what it is how he has another 2 decades of contributions into it.
just get the divorce finalised

Nat6999 · 03/05/2026 06:00

You can apply for the decree absolute but without the financial order either of you can make a claim against the other's finances. Your best bet would be to take him back to court for full financial disclosure, maybe receiving a court summons may focus his mind to the fact it would be cheaper to pay up than go through court again.

Swipe left for the next trending thread