Divorce still at decree nisi after years, seeking guidance on pensions

@LifeBeginsToday It doesn’t take much research to understand marital assets! How they are divided is another matter. Not dealing with this is ridiculous and the lawyers need to buck up.

You need legal advice. People are telling you what they think should happen, and what they think is moral. The law is law not morals.

@Zanatdy In a divorce, ALL marital assets are on the table. She cannot pick and choose and neither can ex. They need to crack on and she needs a forensic accountant if he’s hiding anything. When you are not married, it’s entirely different and there’s no marital assets! What a partner does is up to them. If their pensions and assets are £ millions, they are not your assets. Within a marriage, they are on the table. You might have a generous partner but marriage, at the moment, affords better protection for most women. If you split, as not married, you get what you have and is demonstrably yours. This might soon be £ millions but many men do benefit from childcare when they aren’t married and can still walk away with far more money precisely because they didn’t do childcare and also keep all their money.

shocked by some of these comments. MN always telling women make sure you’re married, you are sacrificing your own career doing the bulk of raising children, working part time etc. So why are people calling OP a gold digger for wanting her share of his pension? It’s perfectly reasonable. The fact its carried on so long is on her estranged DH. This could have been sorted years ago. As PP pointed out, had it been paid 18yrs ago, and invested, it would have grown hugely. So why on earth is it fair it’s capped at when they separated. He should have sorted it out, so if he ends up paying more it’s all his own doing.

Are all the posters here different to those advising women to get married for exactly these reasons? I wasn’t married to my ex, but had 2 DC and he has recently asked me to ask my pension provider how much its cost me being part time for a number of years when kids are small, as he would like to put it right. I have never asked for it, as I know legally I cannot, but he’s benefited hugely from me picking up all the child rearing the last 22yrs whilst he went overseas to work and never had to worry about leaving early to collect DC, or having to say no to travel due to no childcare. Many women are affected by having lower pensions, and marriage is there to protect against that. So don’t get you all calling OP a gold digger. Please explain.

It sounds like you need someone to help find the value you would have been awarded 18 years ago, and then get the net present value of that amount in his current pension account - to not get more capital he has added in the years since you split but to get the benefit of your share growing in that same period. So splitting out the 2 elements.

@Ifallelsefails no fault divorce has been around for a long time now! You don’t need to accuse him of anything. Judges award pension sharing all the time! You are completely wrong and need to take strong action. I don’t think you can DIY so see a decent solicitor next week.

She hasn’t done anything to get anywhere! It’s down to a judge no matter what! I don’t think you are hearing me …

@Gonk123 In the circumstances here, after 15 years, a solicitor and probably a barrister in court will push this to a conclusion. The op has got nowhere! It’s obviously going to cost more but it’s worth it and much easier! If it was easy, the op would have nailed it 15 years ago!

Rude!
and wrong!
Acting in person v a solicitor just incurs costs. The law doesn’t change just because a solicitor is involved. All info available online! Just have to research it!

@Gonk123Did you read the op? This is 15 years of getting nowhere. It’s not just pensions, it’s complete disengagement. A better solicitor should get this moving and if it was easy, don’t you think the op would have succeeded before now? She needs detailed advice on how to stop hod behaviour. Judges can get exasperated by diy people in complicated matters where they are out of their depth. It’s so long now it needs someone who knows what they are doing - will bells on!

Just do it yourself. You sound articulate enough to represent yourself. It’s not expensive to sort out pensions. I think I paid £200 for the administration of a sooot to an army pension and nothing for the other one I got. His choice to split the pension deovisionnpresumably as it made him better off to keep the majority of his army pension. A judge will guide you through. Crack on with it. Courts can help with legal proceedings (not advice) but you don’t really need advice as a judge will decipher and they know the law. When it all comes down to it, it doesn’t really matter who said what - it’s just a load of fluff. The financials will speak for themselves.

@Ifallelsefails Just go to a very good solicitor who can push this forward!

If there’s not been a financial settlement then and huge disparity of finance can be considered and partially rectified. Pre marriage funds are now likely to be excluded.

Of course it is not a legal given but nothing morally wrong with trying to hoist him with his own petard.

That’s absolutely not the worst outcome which is possible. There is no guarantee op would be awarded 50% of pension accrued during marriage - equally it could if course be better.

one thing that is guaranteed is that op stands to get nothing if the divorce and settlement is not concluded.

op have you sought legal advice based on your current situation?

I would not self represent if it’s a lot of money. Also make sure there’s no other secret savings! All joint money should be in the pot and as it’s been so long and you aren’t any further forward I cannot see how self representing will get this moving. Someone used to dealing with obstinate men might. But if it’s only for £10,000, don’t bother.

My ex originally offered 37% of his defined benefit pension and tried to ringfence 5 years of continuous cohabitation prior to marriage plus 5 years of separation before he applied for divorce. Pension was the only asset to be split.

In a needs based case the judge can take the whole period into account. A divorce should not be finalised without sorting out finances. I actually filed a D11 form to block my ex applying for a final order before pension was sorted. I would advise that you do this before your husband gets wind of your intentions as at the moment you still have widow pension rights which would end on finalisation (decree absolute as was).

You can self represent so legal fees are not an issue. AdviceNow and wikivorce etc mean that this is far more possible now than it was 15-20 years ago.

We ended up in financial dispute resolution in court which means that both parties have to complete from E and get CETV and at first hearing the court may order an expert pension report.

We settled at second hearing with a 60:40 split in my favour. I have no pension and am at normal retirement age for the scheme and not able to work due to caring responsibilities so will receive my pension once the admin is completed.

Ex continues to work and accrue pension. Obviously I have no claim on that but pension was shared up until the divorce was finalised to take account of the widows pension I would have been entitled to receive which took into account contributions post separation. Otherwise it would be in my financial interests to file a d11 and stay married in the hope that he would die before me.

I suspect your H didn’t want a clean break and didn’t want to sort out pension. For control reasons. Without legal blocks he could have finalised divorce without a financial settlement but didn’t want you to be free.

So file a d11 with the divorce service and progress to FDR. Self represent. The worst outcome is 50% of time cohabiting/married pension share plus a finalised divorce. But a CETV will tell you what widows pension would be so that would be my bench line expectation of pension settlement.

Sure it might ‘serve him right’
but it’s not a legal given the yotal
pot now will be assessed. and morals /behaviour don’t factor.
post marital-assets
assets can and often are disregarded.
a % of pension is fair, what that % is is wholly debatable.

if he was obstructive then, it’s unlikely he’s going to roll over and accept it now. Op may end up in a very long drawn out, costly both emotionally and financially legal fight over settlement. That’s not say she walks away with nothing or simply caves, but should look to understand cost vs outcome probabilities and make sound decisions based on that

Some of us think it will serve him right if it is based on now rather than the date of separation.

My ex is also dragging feet on this so in the same boat.

What I'm looking at is how much I'm spending to finalise things. If you are racking up more legal fees than what the 30% is worth then you're spending it before it would come into your pocket anyway so it's a pointless endeavour and just dragging it out with no benefit to yourself.

You need to look at it as a whole picture including what you're paying to secure this money. I'd ask your solicitor if it's actually worth going after the 30% at this stage or if you're going to pay much more to get it than what it's worth. In which case you need to cut the losses on it and finalise so you can move on.

After 18 years I'm genuinely surprised that a solicitor isn't advising to do this as the legal fees associated must be substantial. I get legal aid and I know it doesn't fully cover my legal bills only reduces them.

Have you sat down and worked out the numbers?

Anyone suggesting you're grabby for looking for your entitlement to a percentage of his pension is ridiculous. That's money you would have been living off in old age when you can no longer work to make things affordable. Often women enable men to work harder and get a bigger pension pot in the process in the understanding that pot will also benefit them eventually. In my case I provide sole care for our child now and it's highly unlikely I'll meet and marry someone else after what I went through so my long term security was severely compromised by the ending of my marriage and my exes behaviour. That's why pensions are included in divorce financial settlements. It's not grabby its practical. But if the costs to secure it outweigh the value of the pension percentage then it's utterly pointless to pursue it.

@Watcher2026 It’s not advised to not have a financial settlement. That does keep the door open for future claims. It’s best to have a financial settlement and a clean break. Clean break doesn’t mean no pension included. All money from the marriage is considered and apportioned.

I’m not a lawyer, but at this point I would imagine yes, he can just divorce you too. The divorce process and the financial agreement are not actually that linked to each other. It’s entirely possible to get divorced and not get round to do the financial agreement ever, or until much later.