to ask does your ex contibute towards school uniform?

Have just spent an eyewatering amount on uniform / new trainers / football boots / school shoes for my two and they are both off to camp next week as I have to work. DS2 (12) is in adult clothes - size 8 feet! so not cheap.

Ex pays CSA guideline amounts but doesnt contribute anything extra towards uniform, summer camps, childcare etc. He already feels he pays far too much as he also has to pay 1/2 our school fees bill. Fortunately I earn enough to keep us all afloat.

My ex pays maintenance a bit more than CSA say £65 a week. He had dc's from lunch on sat too teatime on sunday every other weekend. I don't ask for any extra money as his mum is in charge of his finances (he's 44!!). DD goes into year 5 this year so I'm going to start saving for her high school uniform now by putting £2 a week in a tin. DS starts college in sept I pay for his bus pass monthly it's over £200 my own dad offered to help pay for it but I said no.

Some so-called fathers re real charmers aren't they?

deemented I think that would just about cover the beer you need to calm your nerves!!

Down here you get a uniform grant - worth £40 - when child goes to secondary school, and when they are about to go into year 10. Again, another £40.

Which doesn't cover much at all.

The school jumpers - which are compulsary at DD1's new school - are £22 each!!!

I have just spent £88 on football boots and trainers for DD1 (admittedly there were 2 paits of trainers) I feel weak!

I am civil with DSs dad, but do not get any maintenance from him at all, so am responsible for buying all of his school uniform. His dad does have access.

I am not in communication with DDs dad, but get £40 a month child maintenance from him, but will be responsible for paying her pre-school fees and buying her uniform. Her dad has no access (through choice).

If I thought I might get some support towards school uniform, I would ask for it, but I doubt it would happen.

I don't get uniform grant here either.

My exH left me when DS1 was a baby and I was pregnant with DS2, so almost 20 years ago. In that time he has, grudgingly and not reliably, paid the amount asked of him by the CSA (which hadn't been reviewed for over 12 years until recently) and not a penny more. He will stop paying anything at all very soon, when DS2 goes to college. In the early days, he actually tried to pass his payments off as birthday gifts etc. for DS1 by writing a check made out to him which meant that I couldn't get a hold of the money.

Even now that DS1 is at uni, he has never so much as offered to buy a pencil never mind anything else. Nor will he contribute anything to DS2 going to college. Even when I was a single parent with 2 kids living under the last Tory regime, he wouldn't help with a thing. Still, he frequently left me with nothing while we were married so that he could go golfing/cricketing/to the pub with friends, so I never expected anything else.

Uniform grant here is 40pounds per child and you can only get it if you are on IS/JSA

Depends on what the maintainance level is I think. If you match the amount given and add on the child benefit and tax credits and its not enough to cover the chids food/clothes over the year then YANBU to ask for a little extra help.

However secondary school doesnt come out of the blue so costs dont have to be budgeted for just in the month or so before.

Most places do not get uniform grants no.

I think it is ludicrous to suggest that a childs absent father should not contribute towards their childs uniform just because the mother is working.

Lucky you! I suppose there will be some poorer families at your DDs school who will be struggling with the price of the uniforms. That's up to them to take up with the school though.

I'd rather just get on with it, if I could afford the uniforms then I wouldnt bother asking ex-H for a contribution. As I said, my DC's relationship with their dad is more important to me than money.

But if it's bothering you that much, then ask. Ypu seem pretty sure YABU, so you might as well do.

I would love to ask exH to pay for school uniform, however as the situation stands at the moment my response to the idea is to laugh hysterically!!!

If you feel able to ask than ask.

No, I pay for everything. He pays (now, he didn't for months) what the CSA say he should, I don't ask for extra when there are extra expenses.

I don't know if that's U or NU, it's just how I do it.

This is completely unacceptable of school...government guidelines are clear that uniform policies shouldnt disadvantage poorer families .

School stipulates that you have to buy a jumper that costs £16? You cant just go to Asda and buy one the same colour with no badge on it? School would appear to be the unreasonable ones in my view.

I have high expectations of ex-H as a father, and in general he's not too bad. I dont think that paying for uniform and seeing less of his DC would make him a better father.

XP1 gives maintenance and buys Ds1 and Ds2's school shoes and sometimes trainers.
XP2 gives nothing at all! But only sees DD1 and DD2 once a month at a contact centre.

Manshape has a 12 year old son with his ex and we will be buying some of his uniform. We'll probably get him some shirts and trousers, and socks, pants and a decent pair of shoes. Probably stationary as well. This is as well as the £50 p/w that he gives her anyway.

We are now having regular access to him and have had to provide him with a whole new wardrobe for when he's here as the clothes his mother sends when she does are only fit for the bin quite dingy looking.