Reach out to your Jewish and Muslim / Palestinian friends

I didn't get any impression of victim blaming, just one person expressing their own viewpoint. People are all different and some (maybe most) will appreciate a friend sending a message of support at this time, while others prefer to distance themselves and feel the conflict is no more their problem than any non Jewish person. It's useful to hear a full range of views and there's no need to go on the attack because someone has a different experience.

I don't want this in the U.K., the division and the finger pointing. I like this thread a lot and I note that at work the Jewish and Muslim networks have made a united statement. This is the right thing to do.

I feel sad that the girls had a go at their friend who has family in Israel making her feel bad but I feel incredibly moved by the muslim girl who stood up for her Jewish friend. They just resolved it quickly and moved on. This girls is from a very traditional British muslim family and has got all the right values. I know this is ridiculously sentimental but it will be one of my 'to keep' memories from the rollercoaster that has been primary school for my dc.

This is so sad and why I worry about how it’s affecting people all over the world.

I’m so sorry you’ve lost friends over this, although I’m also not surprised. I agree it’s not fair how all Israelis are being treated like they are the government, especially when they have just gone through a horrific attack. And I don’t believe all Jewish people should be expected to immediately renounce the idea of Israel.

PeacePumpkin

😢

My dc saw a group of children at school telling a girl with Jewish heritage that they support Palestine and that Israelis are murdering babies and children. The girl tried to explain that her family are very worried about some of their family but the group of girls didn't listen, they kept saying Israel is horrible and that they support Palestine, until the girl started crying. These were all friends of the girl, they had no sympathy at all, they were probably repeating what they hear at home. The Jewish girl walked away and another girl who is a headscarf wearing muslim went over to the group of girls and asked them to stop talking about it and to be kind. She stood up for her friend.

After my dd told me this, I had a proper cry and just thinking about this muslim girl, who is from a religious family standing up for the girl with Jewish heritage brings tears to my eyes. With children like THAT, there is hope. 💗
They are all year 6 dc in primary.

I have sadly lost a few friends over the conflict. Some people are so intent to "Free Palestine" that they refuse to condemn Hamas and say it is created and funded by Israel. The fact is, Hamas wants all Jews worldwide to he dead. Not condemning that is condemning me and my family to death.

I am pro peace and want Israelis and Palestinians to live side by side without an apartheid state. Every Jew I know feels the same way and does not support the Israeli government.

It is so frustrating that so many people are unable to separate the Israeli government from Israeli citizens. I am certainly not a representative of the British Tories, so why would an Israeli civilian be a representative of Netanyahu?

but she has posted lots of the articles about how nobody who hasn't posted support for Israel publicly can necessarily be trusted and how those of us who haven't posted something have lost our Jewish friends without knowing it etc, and I find that a bit harsh
I wouldn't want to be friend with someone with that sort of attitude, whatever their religion, nationality or affiliation.

Have you had people approach you and assume your feelings about the conflict and protests?
No I haven't. I had a few conversations that didn't go any further than agreeing that the whole conflict was very sad and upsetting for people living there.

I don't know anyone in my close circle of friends/family who is Jewish; I know some wider acquaintances. I have read articles online about how some people are feeling abandoned that people haven't check in with them, and that they no longer trust anyone who hasn't, even if (or maybe specially if) they are only acquaintances. They actively want people to say something and reassure them that they can be trusted. I have also read articles from people who have been checked in on, and who then feel 'othered' (and I mean just checking in to ask how they are, in the wake of the rising anti-Semitism) and feel that people are drawing attention to something about them that they wouldn't otherwise - a bit like people are now paying attention to them when they don't normally - one likened it to feeling a bit like a 'pet project' that everyone can suddenly demonstrate their compassion for so that they feel better themselves because they've 'done something'.

And if people are only social acquaintances, you don't know which of these camps they might fall in to. In my case, only one of the people that I know is Jewish has come out and said that they would like people to check in and that is fine, it's clear that she wants support - but she has posted lots of the articles about how nobody who hasn't posted support for Israel publicly can necessarily be trusted and how those of us who haven't posted something have lost our Jewish friends without knowing it etc, and I find that a bit harsh - I don't tend to post anything like that (I rarely post anything at all), don't make public statements about my support for causes, am aware that some people don't want it as per the other article, etc. So it feels a bit wrong to condemn people who haven't posted something, simply because not everyone uses social media that way. And in the case of this person, she specifically says that she wants people to post support for Israel or she can't trust them.

I'm sorry that you have experienced antisemitism as a result of what's happening @BlurredEdges Events in the middle east have come up at my work, and in a voluntary role, and I've been very careful to stress that what's happening is NOT just about religion and has a long and complex history. I am concerned that people in my community could be exploited and brainwashed by extremists (I work with some young and vulnerable people). I personally am trying not to associate myself with anything that could be seen as "taking sides". I'm absolutely horrified by what's happening and I feel the only way I can really help is by playing a small part in stopping it overflowing into my own community. That's probably why I'm a bit sensitive about the idea of people "reaching out" in a way that could be insensitive, though I completely appreciate that is not what the OP meant.

@vivainsomnia Have you had people approach you and assume your feelings about the conflict and protests?

It was easy enough to say “How are you?” to my friends and then “It’s so horrifying”. I said the same to Jewish friends as to Palestinian. Then they told me how they felt. They would not have said a word if I didn’t bring it up first. I didn’t assume anything about their feelings, just opened up the conversation. Because they are a minority here and many people will say nothing to them at all.

In the US many Palestinians simply say they are from Jordan. Once you get to know them they will share more. So I knew my friends have family in Palestine and deep ties there.

We should always reach out to friends who are having a difficult time, even if it's just to say we are thinking of them, but we must also not force them to speak/open up if they don't want to.
As it is I don't have any Jewish or Muslim friends - this isn't something I aimed for or deliberately set up, I just don't have any. We also live in a place where there are less than average number of Jews or Muslims, and to my knowledge there are no Mosques or Synagogues (though I assume the people of faith find their own ways to worship at home/meet in smaller groups).

that you are not someone with two Jewish parents who grew up in a Jewish family and community, and continues to be part of it. Who understands the reality of jew-hatred and how it never really goes away
You are correct about the former, incorrect about the latter.

And yes- unfortunately my family who were murdered in the Holocaust and in pogroms WERE 'forcibly defined by their blood'. It wasn't a matter of choice
So we're mine. There was a lot of trauma that affected the following generations but those who survived refused to let their blood, something they have no choice about defined who they were because they were many other things than just Jewish.

Your post has a strong hint of victim blaming and suggesting that we are choosing to be affected by this or that it's a psychological failing on our part
And your post has a strong tone of condescending attitude and that only your experience and views are worthy of acknowledgement, ie. expressing a lack of tolerance for those whose experiences are different to yours.

It's a sad mindset especially on this thread.

None of my non-Jewish friends have said that they assume anything about my politics, or that they see me as an Israeli.

They have all reached out to express their love and solidarity at the horrendous uprising of antisemitism in the UK.

I don't know one single Jewish person (and I know literally hundreds) who isn't deeply personally affected by this.

I don't know a single Jewish person who hasn't been deeply grateful for messages of kindness and solidarity from non-Jewish friends.

I'm inferring from you saying

the other one, which showed more Jewish blood than I expected.

that you are not someone with two Jewish parents who grew up in a Jewish family and community, and continues to be part of it. Who understands the reality of jew-hatred and how it never really goes away.

I am, and I can state confidently that EVERYONE has felt massively grateful to those who have reached out to us.

And yes- unfortunately my family who were murdered in the Holocaust and in pogroms WERE 'forcibly defined by their blood'. It wasn't a matter of choice.

Your post has a strong hint of victim blaming and suggesting that we are choosing to be affected by this or that it's a psychological failing on our part.

Hope you haven't used 23andme. I have
I have, the other one, which showed more Jewish blood than I expected.

I would never undermined those who feel aggrieved by what has and is happening, however close or not they are to it.

My point is that not everyone inevitably feels personally affected if they are Jewish (or Muslim). What is important is not to make assumptions based on our personal feelings. Everyone isn't forcibly defined by their blood and not everyone experience events with the same level of fear or anxiety.

It's good to show empathy but it needs to be appropriate and about the needs of the other person, and not about feeling good about ourselves for seeing ourselves as a caring person.

Surely it's not beyond most people to start a conversation with friends/close colleagues that opens up the possibility of understanding the stress some people are feeling but equally not ploughing on if they do not.

It is like being bereaved, a few people won't appreciate the gesture, lots will and lots will feel lonely, like the world is unstable and are looking for reassurance. A sensitive person would try to read the situation and not keep going if it doesn't look appreciated.

I don't express political views to these friends, but I do care they are stressed and upset if they say they are, and that's quite easily found out by asking them 'how are you at the moment?' If they say 'hiding from the news, otherwise my toe is hurting' then don't, if their eyes fill with tears as a couple of mine have done, keep going.

JSMill. You can follow standing together on Facebook. They also have a website www.standing-together.org

I'm not sure it's a great idea to assume what work colleagues are feeling about this. I have a friend who is of Jewish ancestry but does not identify as Jewish or feel an association with Israel. I have another friend who is Jewish but anti - Zionist. I think you are stepping into a minefield if you assume what people's views are, or start treating them as Israeli or Palestinian, unless they have made clear to you that that is how they see themselves.

I am Jewish, non religious. I lived in Israel for a few years and have a child and a grandchild in Israel. Between one of my children and the other child's partner, there are three people known kidnapped or killed by Hamas. One child also has a friend whose baby relative is kidnapped.

It is very close and it is very personal.

I am devastated and grieving. And on top of that, also having to see the waves of anti semitism, something that 20 years ago I thought was unthinkable in the UK.

I do not agree with the current Israeli government or how they are handling it.

A lot of people have sent me messages of love and support. I know that not all of those people agree with Israel's stance, but I do know that they care about me and those I love. And I also know that they understand that being Jewish and having dual citizenship, does not make me personally responsible for Israel's military policy.

I am very thankful for those messages and each one warms my heart.

I have also noticed the silence of those who claim to be good friends, know from the past how affected I am by what happens in Israel, and yet have not sent me even one message. I will be re-evaluating those friendships.

I genuinely don't understand this answer. It doesn't seem to respond to what I wrote. What's that bit about me overlooking many countries? Where did I say everyone has compassion? What is it that I haven't lived?