Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

18, single & desperate for a baby?!

82 replies

PrettyCountryGirl · 26/05/2010 18:34

Hello there Mn,
I'm really hoping someone will be able to offer me some advice.. I'm an 18 yo singleton and I'm absoloutley desperate for a baby, I know I have my whole life ahead of me, but I really feel as though I'm ready to share my past and future experiences with a little one. I am aware that having a child is a huge responsibility but ever since I misscarried at 23 weeks when I was in my early teens I have had this constant empty feeling that is becoming even more unberable.

Has anybody got any advice?
Thank you in advance, x

OP posts:
HurleySatOnMe · 26/05/2010 19:04

Won't you join me on the sofa with some popcorn catinthehat?

skihorse · 26/05/2010 19:03

I was 33 before my head was straight and I'm currently now pregnant with my first (at 36). I can honestly look back on my life and say that I would've been a horrible mother until that point. I didn't start my therapy until I was 29 so you're YEARS ahead of me already!

Original poster
PrettyCountryGirl · 26/05/2010 19:01

Skihorse: Thank you so much for the advice, I am still in councelling for lots of different reasons, this being one of them. As for "getting my head screwed on" that would be a blessing.

HSOM: Yes, this is real I'm fully aware that is what my future children deserve, but having the capability to act upon that awareness is not as easy as it may seem.
I was having sex because It was what I thought I had to do to be with the "in crowd" and after being sexually abused I didn't really know any better. Sad, but true. As for being a cocky 18 year old, I'm glad that I got all of that out of my system before I actually turned 18.

Catinthehat2: What do you mean?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 26/05/2010 18:49

I'm really sorry that you went through that. I would imagine that you are grieving and it is probably quite normal to want another.

But.

You are 18.

Do you have an income? A house? Support?

Babies are not easy. They are expensive, they are exhausting, they take all your time and attention. They HAVE to be your first, second and third priority (and I'm not talking triplets here , I mean ONE baby is no 1, 2, 3 priority in your life!)

A baby will not fill an empty feeling. The empty feeling will still be there only you'll have an expensive exhausting little person who will depend on you to be strong and to care for their every need as well.

I would really urge you to think again. To get counselling and to wait to start a family until you are financially secure and are in a strong relationship. Being a single mother is the hardest job in the world. You think you have a hole now? Feel isolated now? Try being a single mother!

A baby will not magically transform your life into all things wonderful. (not that babies aren't wonderful ) but all that is wrong with your life will still be there. It won't fix you.

Wait until you are older and until you are in a better position emotionally and financially to offer a baby a stable life - because it's not about what a baby can do for you, it's what YOU can do for your baby!

catinthehat2 · 26/05/2010 18:41

There must be more to this story PCG.

Maybe you could dripfeed us if you feel able?

HurleySatOnMe · 26/05/2010 18:38

If this is real then listen to me.
You have your whole life ahead of you. Your future children deserve a stable mother and to know their father.
If you miscarried at 23 weeks you will know that giving birth is no picnic.
You need to sort out any hurt from the previous pregnancy before even thinking of having another. Why on earth were you even having sex in your early teens?
And your past experiences? Who are you trying to kid. I well remember being a cocky 18 year old, thinking I knew it all. I knew nothing.

skihorse · 26/05/2010 18:38

I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriage - that must've been incredibly difficult for you.

As far as advice goes, I would suggest you get some counselling - you've probably already had some but it would make sense to get some more. Nobody, but nobody on this planet whether alive - or to come, can fill an emptiness in the soul - nor is it their responsibility.

I know what it's like to yearn for a baby, but I really would recommend getting "your head screwed on straight" first.

Best of luck to you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread