How did you arrive at a decision to have a baby?

I had a whole year where every fibre of my being wanted a child. Once dh agreed we got onto it and ds was conceived immediately.

Half way through my pregnancy I started to wonder what on earth I was doing, and had to remind myself that if I hadn't got pregnant I would still be walking around yearning for a child.

i fell pregnant by accident but we decided to keep it

I think I'm a bit unusual here. I have definitely made a conscious decision to have children.

All my time growing up and through my twenties, I didn't want kids. Not just didn't want them but couldn't stand them. I didn't know how to interact with kids, couldn't bear to be near a screaming baby, was very very anti.

DH always wanted kids, and from watching him with them I could tell he would make an excellent father.

People told me that my hormones would kick in at 30, and I'd start wanting kids. 30 came and went, and I still didn't want them.

But then some of our close friends started having kids, and I started spending more time around pregnant women and young babies. I found it hard at first, but I gradually learnt how to interact with children. And they gradually started to not be so scary.

At the start of this year, I sat down with DH and had a long chat. He said that we should not have our own kids unless both of us wanted them, which I agreed with. But I said we should be sure to do our research, and make sure that the decision to not have kids was the right one for us, rather than it just being the default choice. So we've been really making the effort to see our friends with young kids more and more.

Then in May this year DH's father died. Watching the way the family came together to look after my Mother-in-Law (DH has one sister) made me really value the family a whole lot more, and I changed from "I could probably live with having children" to "I actually would quite like them".

So I've bought some of the books, I've done a load of research on the web. I hate hospitals and pain, but I don't think I'm going in to this with rose-tinted spectacles at all. With my best friend due to have her first in a couple of weeks time, and my sister in law due before Christmas I'm getting a lot of exposure to the good and bad things about pregnancy, and I'll shortly be learning a whole lot more about small babies too...

Now I'm just hoping that our fertility is OK, and we haven't left it too late to start our family.

Hugs to all,
Artoo.

I think I was about 13 when I knew I always wanted children. In some ways, I guess that's why I've ended up with a H, rather than a dh, but my girls are my life.

I think like most I always thought I would have children.
After dh and I got engaged I became really broody and stupidly (well, maybe not!) I discovered those baby programmes on Discovery Health. I was hooked and it made my broodiness worse!

To top it all off I ended up working in a Mothercare store for a while which completly finished me off and after that I was desperate to have a baby!

Having said all that dd wasn't planned but we weren't preventing it IYKWIM. Needless to say we were shocked but very very happy.
Before conceiving I must have worn red tinted or almost blacked out glasses, never mind rose tinted. I saw myself as a glowing, glamourous pregnant mummy who would be able to anything and everything not a pale, ill mummy who could barely walk and lived in smelly tracksuit pants for 9 months.

But looking back I cherised every minute of the pregnancy and early days with dd as I know I can never ever get that back.

we didn't - we just lost the rhythm

With the first,because I had promised dh (wh ohas always been far keener than I on marriage and babies) that I wold have one before I was 35. I was 33 and we had been together for 11 years.With the second,because i knew dh wanted another.

That isn't to say that both aren't an utter joy and looking back on the time before being a mother I seemed to be only 1/2 alive.

I've had enough now though.

With my first (planned) pg I spent the first six months of knowing DH (we got engaged after just 5 weeks) convincing him that we should have a baby, and to start trying straight after the wedding.

The next 6 months before the wedding were spent trying to reassure him that although there were twins in my family it was unlikely I'd have them..............and that it takes most couples several months to concieve - so we'd have been married at least 1yr before we had a baby to deal with.

• I fell pg straight away and DS1 was born 9 months after the wedding (well not exactly 9 months - but people still do the maths LOL).

I guess in some respects we did go into it with 'rose tinted glasses' - but we had no access to all these glossy M&B magazines, no programmes on TV about having babies and the only close family either of us had with young children at that time lives at least 1000miles away.

DS2 was an entirely different story........lets just say it only takes the once (but he's wonderful and I wouldn't "not" have him for the world)

My daughter - 7mths now - was an accident but I knew I'd want a baby within the next couple years anyway, so she just came a little earlier than planned!

Peachyclair, did you have hyperemesis after the first pg? I had an awful time too, in and out of hospital for months - I'd really love a second child but I just can't imagine putting myself through that again.

I don't feel I made a decision to have a baby, although of course I did (4 times actually!) For me, it is more of a decision to not have a baby. I am not very maternal, did not like babies as such or even young children, had practically never held one, and I have a debilitating phobia that I know prevents many people from even contemplating pregnancy and parenthood, but despite all that, to me, a baby was just the natural course, just as I regard getting a job, finding a partner, going on holiday, buying a house, etc. All of these things are, of course, optional, but it has never occurred to me not to do them.

I fully understand why many people would not want children or why they would delay having them (I was 30 before I was pregnant with my first) but, having had children, I do feel it is a life enhancing activity and one I would not like to have missed out on.

We both wanted a family, so we started ttc as soon as we got married. Six months later, DD was conceived. By that time my biological clock was on permanent alarm and hitting snooze or trying to turn it off wasn't working, so I had no 'trepidations'. DH didn't either. But he's also a man .

It's funny, I'm v optimistic, but also a huge worrier - very strange combination!

There are certainly some on here who need it, HM!

Everyone gets fed up of my terminal optimism, hate to be the other way though!!!

Perhaps I should bottle it and sell it online?!

LOL, Lizita - at least you went for my first option and didn't call me terminally stupid

JessicaBumpsMummy (sp?)- hey I didnt resist it the first time, so snap our histories!

ds1 - total surprise

ds2 - wanted to have small age gap between ds1 and next baby so had a time limit. decided two wouldnt be much more difficult than one so went for it

ds3 - we were both feeling broody, and happened to be at a friends wedding in a v romantic hotel. they sold red wine in half pint glasses....et voila!

i admire you lot that managed to supress the broodyness at 5/6 months - i couldnt - hence i am now with bump!

With Jess, I have always been maternal and always wanted a baby. Had only been with my now DH for 3 months when he said we could try for a baby. That was August, and i fell in october, we got married in december.

Jess was born following July and by xmas i was desperate for another.... i fell pg first month trying in january! Roll on october!

Yeah that definately would have made a difference, I bet you had a whole heap of anxieties on top of the hospital thing. I think if, when you are ready for your next one, you plan it all as much as you can you will find the whole thing much more enjoyable

With my first, I didn't think about it until I was actually pregnant and once I knew there was no going back i just had to do it. I felt better about it the second time when i had a planned caesarean because i knew exactly what was going to happen and it was all over in half an hour, no labour, just in and out. I think in a way you get to a point near the end of the pregnancy that 1) you are so fed up being pregnant you'll do whatever it takes to get it out!! and 2) the excitement of having your new baby kind of wipes out any fears. They are definately worth it!

THere's not any reason why you couldn't have a home birth though, lots of people do. You coulkd even hire a birthing pool!! THey're meant to be brill!!