30s TTC - Our BESH GussetWatch Ever, With Guest Star Joe Mangel!

Aries - it ain't over til the little metal bastard actually bleeps. I still reckon you're updiffed.

Lasagne! I want some right now.

Ooooo, food chat!

Roast a chicken with a lemon up its arse & have with rosemary-roasted new potatoes and green salad? Never fails. And lemon posset after! Easiest dessert in the world.

Have dealt out the violence by proxy, laydeez and the fucker is suitably chastised. Even brought me a cuppa tea in bed this morning. Thanks for the lovely words .

Pol - thanks for the cider. I trust it's proper blow your head off scrumpy? Yay. I too am windburnt after the weekend - it was a real howler wasn't it?

Have manaaged to get up and start work without puking but it was a close run thing. Brown string is developing nicely (*HB, you should patent that as perfect description). I guess one good thing about it is that I've had a droid without the customary boob agony. Onward BESH soldiers...

Mother arrives this afternoon What can I cook that doesn't make her more ashamed of me?

'this bitchslaps'???

Just popping in to say hello and goodbye again. Don't panic, its not for good (you'll not get rid that easily I can tell thee>. Had a lovely time in Cornwall, avoided sickess bug (hoorah!) and got wind sunburnt. We are off tomorrow for a week or so in Dorset where I may or may not have access to t'interweb.

Aries NO NO NO to the brown string. And give MrAries a smack round the back of the head from me. He sounds like he has taken a leaf out of TG's book - 'oh you didn't really expect to be pregnant this month did you?'

I am off to bed, I am blimmin' knackered, but enjoy the cider and have this bitchslaps from me.

Oh Aries, that's rubbish. Hope the wine is good but preferably without the puking.

Do you think we can run a course to send men on of 'things not to say'? They all seem to manage to put their feet in it sometimes.

oh aries I'm really sorry. Mr Gin is good at being similarly tactful and supportive. Big smooches to ya.... and a bottle of spirits of your choice.

He's not really a wanker. No, he's really not. It's just what he knows about women could be written on the back of a postage stamp. Despite being married to me for eight years.

Oh, I dunno. Why not? everything else round here's up the spout at the mo...

Oh I am drinking the wine. But can you get implantation bleed fourteen days after ovulation?

Pisces - the brown string could be implantation bleeding, you never know. Genuinely. That was the only diffed symptom I had early when I was.

But drink the wine anyway... and I am cross at Mr Pisces on your behalf.

Well ladies, end of day 33 and nadda. It is officially my longest cycle, like evvva. Feel not pregnant, feel not droidful, feel not nothing except like must eat and drink everything in house by midnight or be damned.

Oh Aries. Here, have another bottle. I've got loads.

Oh Aries, me duck. Don't despair. I know that gusset-checking feeling only too well. A bottle of Soave will do the trick - if nothing else, as a PESH once said to me, it might defy your body into diffage.

Am speechless. Just told Husband, who laughed and said, "Never mind, didn't know you thought you were". When I took issue with that and mentioned that I thought he was being rather insensitive, he snapped and is now not talking to me. Am literally speechless. And am getting fucking pissed. Going to drink an entire fucking bottle of cheap Soave. Nice. Hope I puke on him.

Meant the metallic taste.

Anyway, have been to loo. Am on verge of being completely gutted. I can detect brown-string-ness. It never just appears. I get a day or so of taunting.

Oh I think you're allowed to lick coins whether you're diffed or not

What about the licking coins thing? Don't have that. See?

Hmmmm...I believe received PESH wisdom is that they didn't have many symptoms during earliest diffage. Veiny bangers are loads later shorely?

And implantations bleeds can fuck off as well. No indicator at all. No: I remain defiantly optimistic, so there.

Well as long as she brings some decent food and cooks a lot, I suppose she can stay a few days.

I'm prepared to delay the POAS, but am apprehensive about droid turning up during her visit. However tomorrow is Day 32. Last month was 32 but sure I didn't ov. the month before I definitely did and it was 29 days. Here's what I do have: late droid, weird sicky-hungriness, mucho tiredness, a small amount of creamy gunk. Here's what I don't have: implantation bleed, sore boobs, fiery nips (tee hee), veiny boobs, cramps and everything else there is. There's a real boob theme there isn't there, which puzzles me as I usually have the hurtiest norks in the world in the week before. Have been taking starflower oil though. Maybe it's made a difference.

Looking at list, the againsts are more than the fors by a long chalk.

Nope, scrap the IL. Just the M (visiting).

Sorry, am being a thicko!

"MIL"? Mother in law?

Don't, Aries. Simply DON'T! Too early for this cycle anyways. And I had a period last cycle. Mind you it was a bit lighte.... NO!!

No brown string yet. It tends to turn up CD17. Got my appointment for dildocam (crikey but this bit of the NHS is fucking fast) but I shall be in a business meeting at the time, and whilst I have dark suspicions that some members may have entertained brief fantasies of me in just such a situation, I thought best to re-arrange...

How you feeling 'bout MIL?