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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Really desperate to start ttc, but DH wants to wait...

27 replies

CuppaTee · 13/04/2010 16:49

Hi all,
I've been browsing this site for a couple of months, but this is my first post. I'd really like your thoughts on my situtation and I hope I don't offend anyone..

I've been married just over 6 months, but have been with my DH for 12 years, I'm 31 and am proper desperate to have a baby.
For various reasons DH and I didn't live together until we got married and he is using this as a reason not to start ttc in that he wants it to be just us two learning to live together for as long as possible.

A well-meaning friend of ours who has 2 children under 3 advised us to wait at least a year once being married because you never get that time back. DH really took that on board and so wouldn't consider ttc until later this year.

We've had a few heart to hearts and he allowed the 'start date' to move forward to July now which is good, but I've been tracking my cycles and I've discovered that my possible fertile days in July are when DH is away, which means chances are nothing will happen til August.

So, I asked him to move it back a month to June, as I so want as many chances as possible as we'd love 2 children and I'm scared that the closer to 35 I get my dream won't happen.but he's not having any of it. He doesn't want to deal with a ttc me, pregnant me, etc yet.

I'm so frustrated and resentful and I don't really understand his insistence on refusing my request, it's so upsetting as everywhere I look there are babies, pregnant friends, family who keep asking when we're going to have a baby.

I'm also convinced we will have problems conceiving (for no known reason for me - I have regular cycles and charting is saying I'm ovulating, but DH smokes/drinks loads and that is a real worry) as that would be just my luck.

I think I'm really looking for someone to slap some sense into me; and help to cope with the huge desire I have to be pregnant, to have a baby, to be a Mum, and living with a DH who is making me wait.

Can anyone relate at all?

If you've read this far thank you!

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 13/04/2010 17:19

Well I don't think your problem is waiting till August, your problem is that your dh isn't ready to have kids yet.

I know you want a baby - but you also want a marriage that works and you need to wind things down a bit. It really sounds like since you've been married you've been on a baby expressway and if I was your dh I would probably be thinking where do I fit in - except as a sperm donor.

Stop charting - you know roughly what your cycle will do - that's all you need to know. Reflect that you are 31 not 35 and you do have plenty of time to have two kids. Gently encourage dh to drink less and stop smoking - that's going to be better for everybody. Most of all - just try not to nag about this for a few months. The more you push, the more he WILL pull away.

minipie · 13/04/2010 17:12

Can very much relate - though I'm a year or so behind you age-wise and broodiness-wise. We got married last year but have been together (and living together) for ages before that. I think mid-2011 would be a good time for us to TTC (if I'm honest I'd like to start before then but mid 2011 is my compromise). DH on the other hand is not keen, would like to push it back, basically he seems to think late 30s would be a good time... I have explained biologically this is not a great idea and also that dammit I'm not prepared to wait that long.

August this year is not that long to wait, I know it is difficult, and I guess my hormones aren't screaming as much as yours, but try to think of it as giving you an opportunity to do all those things you won't be able to afterwards...

Do many of your friends have DCs? If so, can you get your DH to spend more time around them? My theory (based on my not very scientific survey of one) is that the more exposure DHs get to DCs the more they get used to the idea and even warm to it. Also if they see it as a "normal" thing for guys their age to be doing. Of course best if he gets to see them when acting sweet rather than crying/covered in sick

Don't fret too much though about your fertility. I think everyone who wants to TTC but can't has that fear. Statistically though you are likely to be fine. Do see if you can get DH to cut down on the smokes though (maybe use moving in together, brand new fresh home etc, as a reason, rather than babies).

Bit of a rambly reply but hope that helps somehow!