Giving up TTC - how easy is that?

We have been TTC for a year, but we now have to give up properly for work reasons. Unfortunately, I think that by the time we could start TTC again it will probably be too late, but for now it is good to focus on all the things that we can do.

I know it seems "normal" to have two children, but I think there are lots of advantages to being an only child (financial ones, parents have more time for you etc.). I am an only child and, while I would have liked a sibling occasionally when I was younger, I am glad that I didn't. The only thing I can't understand is how close some people are to their brothers and sisters, that's the only difference I think there is between only children and those who aren't.

Hiya
Been TTC for 2 1/2 yrs after (since DS was 6 mnths). Can't face stopping trying, but hate the disappointment every month. I have had 2 EP, so I am obssesive about POAS as I have such a high chance of EP again, I need to know ASAP so I can get scanned. You ladies are so brave to get rid of baby stuff- I want to cry at the thought! I have read so many "hope" stories about people with more m/c than me ( am on 6!!) and still manage to have a baby. Love the idea of eating cake to stop from POAS! WIll be trying that from this month for sure. Should be able to hold out till at least a week late, still in time for scans in time!

Ok I am having another bad day as another friend has announced her pregnancy, just had unprotected sex once (sigh). And I can't feel bad because she had a terrible time having her first and so of all my friends she does understand what I am going through, but still I shed quite a few tears in private.
Can't concentrate on work either which is not good.
Also AF due this weekend and am willing it to come early so I don't get my hopes up.
Hope everyone else is ok.

IfAtFirstUDontSucceed - I am SO sorry for your loss, that is awful. I had a mc in Dec and as I approach the due date I get more and more depressed. You are young, I am 34, so you have so much time left, if you want it. I don't know what to say or suggest. I have a medical issue that seemed to be brought on by the birth of my daughter. Where I used to take comfort in people telling me everything would be alright, I no longer do, now I just want to slap them. And I suppose that just shows where I am at, I used to believe that I would have another, now I don't. I guess I am on the path to giving up. You will know, if/when the time is right.
My DH and I keep lining up lovely holidays that we would not have been able to do if baby was here but we are also mid (protracted) sale of property so that keeps preventing us.
I don't know what to say but I send you and your husband my love - it is shit and only those going through it, or have been through it can possible understand.
You just do what you need to. xx

Your posts have brought tears to my eyes.

DH & I have been TTC #1 for going on 3 years. Had an early MC in February, so that has delayed any potential fertility treatment that we had lined up by another year (at the docs recomendation).

Every month is like another kick in the teeth, I'm 31 and DH is 37, so we're not exactly young.

Several times has DH uttered the words "giving up", but immediatley retracts it.

Is it possible to give up??? I couldnt imagine it!

spacefrog - thank you for your kind words. I totally understand where you are coming from and I too am attempting to do that.
All the people who we used to speak to about having another we are telling it is over and we have stopped. And we sort of have, I ran to the loo after sex last week to get rid of everything in the hope that would stop me obsessing.
I can't bring myself to get rid of DD's stuff just yet and I probably never will get rid of her clothes as I am a terrible horder.
I also treat (spoil) her too, I will have to reign that in before she becomes one of those terrible rude children who expect everything they desire.
I am currently in the process of accepting that it probably won't happen and we have stopped talking about our children and only our daughter. I am in mourning of the family I thought I would have, and once we have got through what would have been the due date of our mc in a couple of months then I think things will start to get better.
I am glad to hear that you and your DH are able to laugh, that is where my DH and myself must get to.
It is nice to have you to talk this through with and I really appreciate the support, thank you.
I will strive to care less

Feel better after that - thanks

Hello Everyone
Sorry I have taken so long to write anything I am having a bad week. A friend, who I guessed was pregnant ages ago confirmed via text on tuesday and guess what I am not happy to have given up hope. I slept for 2 hours that night in tears the rest of the time and have been all over the place since. I am incredibly happy for her but so very sad for myself I do really truly want another one. I don't know what to do, I am on drugs to help me manage a medical problem in order to get pregnant, but the drugs make me feel sick. I just don't know what to do, my mum started to talk about an article she read in the paper about how there has been a big increase in people experiencing secondary infertility, all infront of my brother - we are close but not that close. I told her I didn't want to talk about it. Then she hugged me later and told me how thin I was and I said yes I am and that is all I am able to control at the moment. I am SUPER sensitive.
Sorry this is all about me I appreciate that I just had to let it out somewhere as can't in RL and couldn't find a more appropriate place in MN.
SillyTillyBilly - I do know what you mean about having a 10 year old and a newborn but that would mean another 6years of trying and for me I just can't feel this down for that long.
Spacefrog - whilst you missed out on a chocolate brownie I am impressed by your positiveness. My AF is due on my DH's bday so I am going to have to get a grip and enjoy the beers rather than drown my sorrows!
Sorry have been very self indulgent.
In answer to the OP - how easy is it to give uup TTC - in my case really bloody hard!

Going back to the original post - I do think only children can be happy children. There is more money around for them, more time for them and friends can be better than siblings sometimes anyway in my opinion! I'm just not ready to make that decision to stop trying. I think the important thing is to tell them when they are older how much you wanted more so they don't think they were the reason you stopped at one!

You could be me writing that post! I have only had one month where I really felt happy with one child and thought I am not going to actively try but then the disappointment that came with my period was huge anyway so I have gone back to not kidding myself! I refused to chart for 9 months (on the logic it was more likely to happen if I wasn't analsysing eveything and relaxed more) but actually feel happier now I have gone back to charting. I know I want more and I know I have to be patient. As you say there are days when my daughter is playing up when I wonder how I would cope with more too.

You are right though - whatever happens to all of us we will get through it. I have a wonderful daughter and I know som many people haven never managed it once. I am lucky, very lucky but still get down too.

I don't think 36 is too old. I tried asking my DH what he thought was too big a gap and he wouldn't say a limit. Sometimes I imagine myself with a ten year old and a newborn and the ten year old is all motherly. I think it could work but it wouldn't be easy. There are pros and cons at all ages.

You take care

Hi SillyTillyBilly - I think it is very hard to stop TTC. I go up and down all the time. In the build up to period I convince myself I might be pregnant regardless of how much sex I have had. Then, when period comes I feel desperately sad and depressed for about 5 days, convince myself I am not going to try next month. I even thought about using contraception this month so I would avoid the ups and downs but DH doesn't want to in the hope it will happen.
I feel the same as you I too have a wonderful DD, well not always wonderful and it is those times when I think, do I want 2. But the reality is I do, I am very close to my brother and I want that for her and feel desperately sad that she won't have that.
I guess we will all stop trying when we are too old, or our DD's are too old to want a baby around etc.....For me 36 is too old, I have 18months til then. Then DD will be at school I will be back at work properly and the baby space in our family will be smaller - I hope anyway, that is how I get through the darker times.
Whatever the eventual outcome for us all we will get through it. I keep thinking about how much more we can afford for our DD if she was the only one. In terms of when she is older, helping out with uni fees, step up on ladder, blah blah blah. Plus hope to get another bite of the baby cherry if she has kids! God I will be that dreadful mother moaning at her to give me grandkids!

Hopes dashed once again! Grrr. I am so happy with my daughter. Why can't I just accept that? She sleeps through the night, uses the loo, eats what we eat, 'helps' out with jobs and I manage to work a bit too. Another one would bring chaos to the house! Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why can't I stop trying?

I have been trying almost two years but it feels a lot longer! I've really got my hopes up again this month but no doubt they will get dashed again - someone slap me please!

I think you are all doing great. Enjoy the choccie brownie You are all a great support for each other.

Spacefrog - you are doing well.

Spacefrog - I don't know what to say apart from I am sure I'll be feeling the same way in 3 weeks time. I hope you are rewarding yourself with lots of bit of cake.
Well done on getting rid of your DD's baby things, I am going to attempt to do that soon. Not quite ready just yet though.
I can't get it out of my head too and am actually finding it really hard at the moment, I spend a lot of my time in tears.
My mother asked me why I didn't go for IVF last week and I wanted to tell her to f off, then she told me to take a year out from trying. She just made me cross, none of her business, but that is the problem people do think it is their business. My DH's family are very lovely but are overly sympathetic, I just want to be treated like normal. I wish no one knew.
wannabe thank you for your words of encouragement I do know that in a year or twos time it will all be alright and we will be over this and I will no longer want a baby in our family.
SillyTillyBilly - it is not that I am not TTC it is that I am hoping TC but no longer think it will happen. I think the only thing that will help us all is time. Sorry you are going through this too.

Oh girls - I know how you feel. I have times when I think I am happy with just the one but then every month I get my hopes up and then cry. I so want to stop trying but can't. I pray/hope/believe that one day it will happen either naturally or by IVF. People look at me as if I am mad - 'you have a wonderful child - be happy' etc but the desire/need for another one is sooo bad. I really hope you girls manage to show me how to stop TTC as right now I don't see that as an option. Sorry this really isn't helping you guys who have made the decision to stop. I just feel your pain and currently deal with it (or fail to deal with it!) in a different way. Let me know how you all get on. My only progress is that I no longer POAS unless I am actually late and even then never with CB digi as the slap in the face reading 'not pregnant' is harder than the lack of a line!

Love to you all

Hello and hope I can offer some words of encouragement. as I am years on from stopping ttc.

I came off the pill five years ago to ttc for a second child and it didn't happen for us either.

After about eighteen months we decided to give up and resign ourselves to just having the one child. Like you it was hard, because my ds was conceived after us having tests and deciding to give up after the results were given (I got pg the month we had the tests) so I suppose subconsciously I thought that if I gave up again it would happen again - it didn't. But for some time I did wonder every month whether it would/could/had happened and I did occasional pregnancy tests. My situation was not helped by the fact that the month I fell pg with ds I had what I thought was a period (more than just a bit of discharge, it was actually some quite heavy bleeding) so every month when I had a shorter period I found myself wondering whether I was actually pregnant.

I too didn't give up contraception "just in case it was meant to be" and probably also because I couldn't bring myself to actually close the door iyswim.

We're actually five years on now and in the past eighteen months or so I've actually started thinking that I'm not sure I'd want another baby as my ds is getting older, more independent, and I find myself looking at other people with more than one child and thinking that I don't envy them the bickering/fighting/hard work that having more than one child is.

I'm still not using contraception - not because I still hope that it will happen but because after five years I'm positive that it won't happen so I see no point in shovelling pills down my throat for no reason...

I do have glitches, a close family member announced she is pg last week and the urge to have another baby hit me like a brick and has been with me for the past few days. But some friends talked a bit of sense into me last night and I know that I won't be pursuing it.

I haven't done a pregnancy test since August 2008, and even then I only did one because I had a uti and dr suspected it could be an ectopic.

What I would say is just relax. Thinking about possibly being pregnant won't make it happen or not happen - if it's meant to be then it will be. But you will find that as time ticks by you will find yourself looking at the pg tests less and less.

Good luck

Spacefrog - what a brilliant I idea. I am going to do it too this month. My DD will be thrilled she LOVES cake too, we will be two fat and happy things.

I agree time will take our minds off it. Plus once all my friends have finished being pregnant it will make it easier too.

Hello Italiangreyhound - sorry to hear about your failed IVF.

I've been not TTC for a month now, though that doesn't mean using contraception, well partly because it seems like a waste when clearly we don't need it. And also, well you never know right.

So we also happened to have sex on a fertile day and my period was 4 days late, which it never, never is & I could have sworn I saw a very faint BFP on Saturday. However, period did come and now I feel even more sad.

Seems like I can't stop TTC very well either.

Good luck Spacefrog with your not symptom spotting this month.

Hi Spacefrog Thanks for getting back to me. Yes, I will meet you here this time next week. All the best. It is interesting you said 'she' when talking about a baby! Any reason? We have given up but I know I am not totally giving up, I have got a Zita West conception tape to listen to, to convince me that it will work naturally after years of assisted conception that did not work! AAAAGGGHH!

See you soon.