Emmsy's weebles - enjoying comfort, support and mini eggs, onwards and upwards!

Monkey I so know what you mean about silly names for people I never call my DH or DD by their real names - I doubt my DD knows what her real name is!

VJay

I feel a bit better now for having got it all out. I hope you all realise how wonderful you are

Am just going upstairs to start packing for tomorrow but will be back soon x

ps Hi Gracie

4ever I forgot - a poo story for you and your DH. I had warned DH that Isabelle's poos have been a bit violent lately. But a few days ago as he reached to pick something up whilst changing her she kicked away the nappy and pooed all up the wall, on the carpet, a chest of drawers and down DH's t-shirt!! My DH stood there stunned and wasn't ready for the 2nd wave which hit a neatly folded pile of clean washing! oops!

Makes perfect sense VJay, that just about sums up how I feel.

Blue As much as I'm dreading having to pick up the star, take it along to the garden and talk to the people there, I just feel such a strong urge to go. I really hope it will help, and knowing that I can visit any time makes me feel a bit better.
I would love our boys to meet too That would be lovely.

I'm here too Monkey. Sorry not been around much, DH has been working really long hours - leaving at 6am and not getting home till 10-11pm some nights so not had time to post. I do lurk though as I can do that whilst feeding Isabelle, just can't reach to type.

Curly i think I need to learn more about this baby whisperer stuff, Isabelle just doesn't like naps during the day unless I feed her to sleep and then hold her whilst she sleeps.

Yes Barbie we all have bad days!!!!

"Funerals are not for those who have gone, they are for the living" that's so true curly. monkey - don't you think for one second that your didn't love your lost boy with every ounce of love you had, he knows that. I really hope picking up the star with his birth date, having something tangeable to focus on and visiting the garden brings you some stillness for the time you are there at least.

I would love your DS to meet my DS1 - they would get on like a house on fire .

Hi Vjay, Curly and Moon - I've brought my hot chocolate. I only have chocolate on days ending in a 'y'...

Curly It's the first cuddly toy he's ever shown any interest in, and has to go to bed with it every night. You are right about the funeral, I suppose the most important thing was that I got to see him and talk to him.

Moon I feel like he's always with me, I suppose we all do about our lost ones. It's a comforting thought.

Monkeysbum sounds adorable monkey. I love how kids come up with names like moo moo

It's really strange VJay but I feel like I don't want him knowing. From the minute we were told about the star garden I have mostly kept it to myself, I'm not sure why. This just feels so private. I don't want to ever have to take anyone there, it's something I need to do on my own, and I know dh will never want to go. It's not like me to feel like this at all.

monkey you were there for him. You gave birth to him my lovely. I have tears streaming down my face thinking of all the love you have shown for your little angel. Funerals are not for those who have gone, they are for the living. You are a wonderful mum, and don't ever forget it. When you feel ready you and your family can go visit your little boys star xxx

monkey you will always be with him, whether in person or not, you didnt need to be there to show him how much you love him. i am actually sneaking a few tears cuz its just so sad

Mind you he's always a monkey, but a gorgeous one. He's upstairs in bed singing to his cow Moo-Moo as I type

Curly, you even got a smile out of me! I make up silly names for those close to me, always have done... Never called mum and dad that, they were always something like martlebum or popsicle - ended up Mar and Pop. These names just come pouring out even when I'm at work with the kids, which is rather embarassing! Monkeybum is one of the many for ds, poor boy and he was absolutely being a little monkey on the day I signed up!

Girls, thank you so much. I just feel like my heart is breaking all over again. I haven't told my dad what the lady rang for - I can't get the words out. I managed to tell dh when he got home, and he gave me a massive hug.
I feel like I've let my boy down. I really wanted to be there for the funeral, but dh felt so strongly that he couldn't, but said if I wanted to go he would come with me. I couldn't have put him through that, and so we decided not to go and the lady said she would ring when it's been done.
I feel awful that I wasn't there, my poor little boy being buried alone. What kind of mother does that make me, letting that happen without me being there for him.
The star with the date he arrived will be ready on Friday, so I'll collect it next week and go to the garden. I am desperate to go.
Thanks so much for all your kind words, it does help, so much. You are all lovely xxx

monkey if u feel like talking, tell us about ds1 and why he's called monkeysbum

Big glass of white wine for me pls. I brought my duvet too

moon I've got chocolate icecream too. I think it will quite crowded in here tonight lovely so dig in x

blue you do have a lovely way with words

monkey my love, just hang in till tomorrow. A couple of days away will help I'm sure. Just cry as much as you need to tonight, we'll be here xxx

vjay i agree, blue has a lovely way with words, mine never come out quite how i imagine them to

monkey it is a sad day, i am free for hand holding too. like the others have said its very difficult to know what to say, and i havent been in the same position as you to know what having a lost lo buried feels like. trying to think on the positive side, at least you have somewhere to go and cry and talk, and know he is safe, i think that would have helped me. and its one tiny step towards moving forwards. i could cry for you it is so sad. big hugs to you and sorry but is it ok if i help myself to the ice cream