Just MC...Long haul, short haul, ranting, weeping, laughing all encouraged. Oldies and newbies very welcome

Hello all

Pollybloodyanna - I hope you get some resolution on your pains. I think we met on a miscarriage thread recently. Sorry to hear you are still uncomfortable.

Well, AF arrived yesterday for me. This is the first time I've actually been glad to see it. Although only 4 weeks since medically managed mmc I was beginning to think everything had stopped and was already thinking spose this is it, I never have a period again, it's all stopped...etc, etc, etc y'know the usual 3am sort of thoughts. Anyhoo, looks like I am still functioning so that's good and can start some serious SWI soon. DH has been warned .

Have been feeling really OK and together (well apart from the 3am thingy) until yesterday when a colleague said how I did the right thing stopping at just the one (I have a 23yr old DD) and at least I didn't have to deal with small ones now. To be fair she doesn't know I was pregnant and I was probably a bit hormonal but I very nearly lost it and started howling. Long deep breaths sorted it. Weird how little comments can set you off just when you think you're doing ok.

Lovely news liaghen66. What a fantastic start to the weekend!

I've booked to see a nutritional therapist next week. I just want to try anything to boost my fertility as I feel I am on limited time (43). Been keeping a food diary for a few days to show her (as requested). Started off very angelic with proper fresh wholesome food. Has gradually degenerated into OMG, did I really eat all that, I can't put that down. I'll let you know how it goes!

Here's to a better weekend all
x

Also wanted to say that I have only had the one pg, which ended in mc, and that's bad enough. So sorry that many of you have been going through the emotional wringer for a long time. I can't imagine how hard its been, but bloody hell, you are one bunch of strong, determined women (even if I'm sure it doesn't feel like it a lot of the time).

R - E - S - P - E - C - T to you all!

Apart from you Pollybloodyanna ... Simon Cowell??

Mind you, sometimes I think I'd go a long way to become a lady of leisure!

Good morning everyone, I hope Friday is a better day all around. And Hippy thanks for calling me a spring chick - I feel much more spritely!
Am feeling a bit down in the dumps today as at the end of my first week back at work (am at home today) I have come down with a storming cold. MOST annoying because if I ignore the fact that I'm in the WTF zone, right about now would be the time to do the deed.. and I'm thinking that nose dripping and violent sneezing is probably not the biggest turn on? Dammit!!! [angry, yet pathetic emoticon]

pollybloodyanna You little minx!!!!

Thanks Liaghen for such a comprehensive report. Isn't it strange that you didn't get preg for 8 years and then loads of pregs even when BF & on mini pill. Your fertility is definitely a bit of a WTF thing.

Anyway, I really appreciate you telling me all that and I am going to focus on your conception of dd2 - directly after your EPRC - hope you don't mind, I just find it encouraging.

You really have been through the mill haven't you.

There are so many people on here who have had numerous awful experiences. I feel a bit of fraud having just had my first MC at 43. But I know that's daft and I am entitled to be on here and grateful for all the support.

Nearly the week-end now ladies.

ps. Liaghen are you a MW or a doula?

Ohhh cowell... Something about his twinkly eye thing, and vast power.... Sorry, forgot where I was for a minute.... [embarrassed]

Malteser - good luck returning to work- can't imagine what that must feel like as a mw

postive day ended in tears... Sometimes the stress of being 'fine' and holding it all together gets you doesn't it? Went out with friends tonight and had a sob on the way home... Feel better now. Tomorrow is another day and even better it's Friday!

Ok I'm going to try and end the day on a postive note. Ladies although I'm on a temporarily enforced ttc ban I am hoping to see some new graduates added to the list before we hit March - only a few days to go so I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you all. Actually that's quite uncomfortable so I'll just send lots of positive thoughts your way instead!!!

Sweet 'Simon Cowell free' dreams to you all - unless of course you want a repeat performance Pollybloodyanna!

hippy I must ask my doctor about my pains - I wonder whether A&E docotor did something he shouldn't when he was fishing around my cervix with forceps

Hello urd, sorry you're joinging us here.

Liah, sorry you're feeling crap - I am also wishing for my period - never thought I would, but i just want to get to normal too.

Anyway, I shall mostly add to the sad mood - finding work very tough as the last time I was there I was going through all the scans/waiting to bleed before the miscarriage.

Dh and I also had a long discussion about swi. He is fine as long as he doesn't know it is swi, but I wish he would acknowledge that it is ok to swi and not just"see how it goes". I am too old to "see how it goes". grrr. But I seemed to get through to him, maybe.

However on the upside I had an erm dream with Simon Cowell in last night - maybe I'm ovulating??? (or mad)

We crossed posts liaghen.

Sorry you had such a crap day, how amazing that you fell preg so quickly after an mc. Can i ask did that go to full term or was that the other mc. Sorry to ask I just thought it would be very encouraging if you got preg straight after an mc and then all went well.

I understand you want your last pregnancy back. I so wish we could all just have them back - it's totally sh*t isn't it. So bloody unfair to have it all taken away.

I hope you soon either get AF so you can get on with trying or get a BFP - is that possible??

I know it must be really hard being in with people who are having terminations, but I guess we never know why someone is doing it. This experience has, weirdly, made me even more pro-choice. Every child deserves to be as wanted as the ones I lost. Every single one.

GP thinks shooting pains are to do with old endometriosis scaring. I had endo near to my pouch of douglas which is near to the backpassage. She thinks thay just rooted around a bit too much when they did the EPRC and disturbed stuff. She took a swab to check for infection but doesn't think I have one.

She was once again very encouraging and kept saying that she really thinks this was just due to the embryo not being right. She said i got pregnant quickly for my age (5 months/7 short cycles) and was positive I'd soon be pregnant again.

I wish she could give me a written guarantee. She is so lovely though and spent ages talking to me about how I was coping, how my kids were dealing with the loss etc.

I love my GP but not in a lesbian kind of way of course - that would really complicate everything with DH and ttc - (wink)

How awful to be in with people having terminations moofold, i just assumed everyone was in for the same reason as me.

Hope you all enjoyed the shortbread teddies - I'll get you some more if you're good tomorrow. Has anyone listened to my Michael Buble song yet - sorry if you hate that kind of music - I'm an old bird!

Keep your chins up everyone. (That's what my sis and I say - cos we're no skinny minnies

Hello to the new ladies, sorry you are here but I do find being in this company helps - hope it does the same for you. Feeling for those having a shitty time and those on a downer. Malteser - awful for anyone going back to work but yours I do not envy, you'll need to be so strong.

After days of being really blue I have picked up for some reason - Clareanna you might have something there about the ups and downs being related to PMT. Why else would you think you were finally getting somewhere only to be floored again days later. I am still in no mans land with this fabby WTF mark 2 cycle so who knows where the hormones are at.

Reading everyone's experiences of the NHS I realise I got off lightly - actually had decent care and at least given options. My awful experience was immediately before the ERPC. I had been ferried in with 7 other women of varying ages (16 - early forties). We were all put on beds behind curtains to wait for our turn. Then I heard the nurse speaking to the girl next to me saying 'so, you understand you are here for a termination today'. Then the girl was trying to make eye contact with me and I wanted to punch her repeatedly in the face. It just felt so unfair that our little one, who we so dearly loved and wanted, had no chance and was being wrenched out of my body. Afterwards I felt bad for being judgemental in case she had no choice but to terminate for medical reasons. Something about the way she was casually perusing her Ok magazine while I broke my heart tells me not though.....

Anyway, Viv - your passport story was ace and still chuckling at Hippy's description of the latest shooting pains!! Hope you get that sorted pal!

Mmm, fondant fancies and shortbread!

Muser, that's positive (though your whole situation sounds utter crap, thinking of you and hope things get better). Malteaser that also sounds rubbish. Realise I could go through the whole list of us saying things like that as we all have our own sad (and frustrating) stories, but think icedlemonmuffin has got it about right. I was quite impressed with the NHS about my mmc but know from previous experience that they can be utterly useless and thoughtless at times. Your GP sounds lovely (and useful) though CCBloom.

I went back to work today, literally two people knew why I was off, now seems to be soo many (as is always the way). Don't actually mind but can't stand the skirting round the issue and the sympathy without the real understanding of WTF has happened to us. Why isn't it talked about? Just want to shout 'I've lost my baby (and my temporary escape route from this hell hole) and I feel shite' but can't as the students would all know too... Someone at work who I don't usually speak to much told me today she is pregnant, about 2 weeks ahead of where I should be. She was very thoughtful about it and I'm not as jealous as I thought I'd be, more hoping that she doesn't have to go through what we (all of us on the thread) have. I may feel differently when she is visibly pg though

All this waiting to ttc horrible isn't it... and then when we do get preg again, it's more bloody waiting to get to a scan, to get past the mc date, to... Bollocks, I was in a good mood earlier today!

Quite a selfish post but I do genuinely hope things get better for everyone soon. In the meantime, may I add Galaxy to the mix? I am thinking red wine too... though possibly not at the same time

What a sad thread this is today. Here, I have fondant fancies if anyone wants one.

I am actually in a sort of good mood today. For the newbies who weren't on the last thread, I'm currently being treated for an ectopic pregnancy. Not much fun.

Anyway, after the methotrexate last week I had blood tests yesterday to check the drug is working. Called yesterday evening by the nurse saying my HCG levels hadn't fallen enough and they might have to give me another dose of methotrexate, but she would speak to the consultant in the morning and confirm this.

I then howled on the living room carpet as I really, really do not want anymore of this drug. It's awful. I am tired all the time. The 10 minute walk to the station exhausts me now. So the prospect of feeling like this for longer was hideous. Plus, another dose means instead of a 3 month ban on TTC I'd be looking at 6 months. Six entire months.

Thankfully, and this is why I'm in a good mood, the consultant has decided to leave it a week as I am very borderline. More bloods next week, if the HCG hasn't fallen enough again they'll reevaluate.

So that's the first positive in a month of misery. I'm now hoping my results next week are good. I want to get back to normal, I want to get back to work, and eventually I want to get that baby.

ps. Poor you malteser. I've always thought it would be lovely to be a mid-wife but had never thought how it would feel to have a mc and then have to go back to work as a midwife. It must be so much harder than hiding at a desk.

alba meatntatypie and all the others who are having a crap day. So sorry for you.

I think we all feel that we want to learn something from this awful experience and feel that we are somehow in control next time - ha ha fat chance of that!

I'm off to GP in an hour to discuss the fact that someone keeps shoving an umbrella up my bum and fandango - looking forward to that litle chat.

I've written down everything I want to say to the consultant once I get an appointment.

Was just nodding off to sleep at lunchtime and a little voice said to me - 2 weeks ago you were thinking of baby names and now your not pregnant - it woke me up with a jolt and made me feel pants.

I bought the boys shortbread teddys from the bakers and I bought a few extra for you guys - here you go .

Thanks Alba, just wish every woman in labour didn't ask 'have you got any?'. Prior to the MC just replied - not yet - whilst secretly screaming in my head I'm pregnant!! Now I'll have to stick with the not yet and really mean it. I know people mean well but they really don't think do they? I'll just have to hope for some quiet night shifts (...and pigs might fly). Lets hope my colleague who performed the TV scans not on duty too.....
Choccies all round then!

have sent dd1 into kitchen to make more choc rice crispie cakes......xx

thank you malteser, that's exactly what I needed to hear! And you're right, I've done well getting the checks done at all, I think I probably needed to burst into tears whilst with the GP but I was so focussed on getting what I thought I needed, it all came out afterwards instead.

Tough one on going back to work for you though... that must be really hard after only 2 weeks, I was bad enough after 2 weeks whilst able to hide behind my computer screen. Very very best of luck. And talking of it all coming out afterwards, I have found myself crying on the way home from work (even without babies around) - so some treats for when you get home might be helpful? Particularly nice bubble bath or your favourite drink? Actually probably both at once...