To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

hisses

Hello FancyALittle!

Dont be scared, but most of us (at least the ones without babies in their tummys) are in fact not TTC. This is where we go to rake over discuss the many reasons not to have a baby, while sniffing the air for the whiff of hormones and keeping a beady eye out for Mother Nature clutching our withered ovaries....

I think this is absolutely a right on the money dithering issue anyway LST. And vent away as long and loud as you want. Knowing how upsetting it can be when DH starts one of his passionate usually drunken anti-baby rants, I can totally feel for you.

It must have crossed your mind that you're storing up a future of "LST, your baby's crying" etc. from DH - that's something that really worries me. But it would be hard for your DH to pull that one off, considering he quite clearly signed up to it.

Lots of people report that their men got on board from the scan - maybe Mr LST will be one of those.

Hello FancyALittle - hey, HP I've found us a new dithering recruit already!

FancyALittle not sure how much you have read, but while some of us are now in the BFP group there are others, such as myself, whose Babyometer swings madly from red to amber to green on an almost hourly basis.

How long have you been contraceptive free? (Note I didn't say 'trying' )

Seems like an appropriate place for me. Hello. My name is FancyALittle, I'm recently married and I'm not on any contraception. And I'm a bit nervous.

Oooh, cross posted with LQ!

LST sorry to hear it. I cannot add anything to what HP SP has so beautifully put, and nor can I really relate to it in my relationship (me and DH are just as bad with dithering as each other.)

I guess it's always going to be a massive shock of adjustment for both of you and the fact that your DH doesn't have the pesky mother nature and her equally pesky hormones fiddling with his thoughts can make things more one sided - at least for now.

At least he can share this with you rather than ignore it and it become more of a wedge. That certainly counts for something!

I do know quite a few men who haven't been keen but when the time came, were fine if not brilliant. I have no reason to think it would be any different with you and your DH now. If nothing else, this baby (or babies) are a part of you and he loves you that much he married you - that must surely count for something...?

Confused, really sorry to hear about your Grandad. Grandparents are amazing people to have around, like no-one that you ever get to meet these days. Sending you a big hug.

Wow LST fab news! Sorry to hear its not been a great morning, hope things are better this evening. I know that what you mean about disagreements things taking the shine off of things but i am sure that your DH will come around, its just a big thing to get your head around. And you're right of course there is lots to think about, but just take it day by day and let it sink in!

HP wishing you lots of luck with your various appointments and hope its positive for you.

YTD sorry to hear about the your car accident, really hope you're taking it easy just like the other ladies have ordered. How are you feeling generally, have you reached that blooming phase yet? I am wondering if it actually exists, although touch wood I haven't been sick for the last few days!

Not much news this end, my boss has asked to see if I can reschedule a hospital appointment next week as we have an all day team building thing. I have had to squeeze in to the overflow clinic as it is. If i go to the appointment at 9 I would hope to be up in town by lunchtime for the afternoon sessions. If it was the normal BP & weigh in it might be easy to shift, however its to discuss all of my results and the blood tests appeared to have been a bit skewed so far. Am I being unreasonable?

We went into John Lewis over the weekend just to have a pre-look-look at all the baby stuff. It was quite overwhelming but glad we did it as I kind of know what to expect now. I had to sit down with a strong cup of tea and a cake afterwards. Still pleased to report I am losing weight, slowly but steady.

Also another one of the original reasons for dithering was my job; over the last few weeks have really confirmed that once I come off of maternity leave would really really like to do something else. so i guess this has all helped me make up my mind with the rest of my dithering. Thats actually quite a lot of news from me!

I can't respond to this properly (and am mindful of commandeering the thread - with non-dithering stuff at that - over all this) but just want to say thank you very much for understanding and hitting the nail on the head exactly.

I really feel for you re. the tainting of the whole thing (and feel the same) - there is this underlying feeling that it's the fact that we have a choice now that makes things so hard, and while that's good, brilliant, wonderful - it also complicates things and takes away some of the wonder of it all, and forces us all to think so bloody hard about it all. But hopefully the fact that you and DH are converging, perhaps, and really understand each other's position, will make for a much better relationship between you when the time comes - I think people's relationships suffer when it hits them like a train in all sorts of ways they didn't expect. Hopefully this goes for all of us (i.e. this won't happen to us because we're deliberating, I mean!).

Even sitting there in silence for what felt like minutes, this morning, and making ourselves talk at least a bit about things was good for us, and I think will help.

And I suspect that if that's what you decide, the newborn baby will still feel untainted and new and special for you both. But maybe that's my hormones talking...

It's just one of those many things that has to be endlessly negotiated and renegotiated, post-feminism, I suspect - all to the good, but hard work!

Anyway, quite enough blather - off home to see what the state of play is...

PS. yes, am still being ridiculously cagey too even though have outed myself obviously enough many times on here to any reader that knows me in RL!

Oh dear, LST, what a shame to have tears before breakfast

I dont know what to say. Its so great that despite your own concerns, you feel excited, and of course its going to be hurtful that the old discussions are back. And yes, we can all relate to how DH feels, thats why we are all here instead of surrounded by three ribbon-bedecked blond bobbed children, knitting interesting yet educational toys for them to play with. But the fact is, you didnt get pregnant from an accident after too much booze, you both went in to IVF with the understanding that it may result in a baby. And the BFP surely puts completely different slant on everything, so reflections too soon on how having children wrecks your life should be placed quietly to one side, or at least toned down a hell of a lot.

In a teeny way, I can relate to how you are feeling, as all the rows and worry and anger that DH and I have gone through over the last four years regarding this baby issue has left a permanent mark on me, I will always look back and feel that no matter what happens, it is spoiled a bit. Tainted. No Hollywood memories for me at this point either, just very unpleasant, emotional and yet somehow clinical discussions. Urgh.

Anyway, back to you. The situation now is what it is, and it may take some time to work through it, but hopefully soon he will come to terms with what this really is - in my opinion, a miracle that you have achieved through trusting your heart over your head, and he is lucky to have you and that wee-soaked double line.

(PS: I wish I could tell you where I work, and see how close contact we have been, but internet paranoia holds me back)

Slept better than I have for ages (not that that's saying much) last night! Bit of a rude awakening this morning, though - DH being very quiet and distant. Had a rather painful conversation with him - he actually said last night that he'd expected to feel a bit happier than he did with the news (I'm not sure I needed to hear that...) and he's finding it hard to adjust, shall we say - all the feelings about it being a massive conspiracy and that it's pointless having children (and that it ruins a perfectly enjoyable life) have risen to the surface in his mind, I think.

I do acknowledge these feelings, as I've talked about at length before. I don't blame him for having them. I'll probably have them myself many times, probably daily, at some stages. But at the moment I've been surprised by how unequivocally happy I am about it at the moment, at least and was really sad this morning that he doesn't share that (or even a little tiny bit of it). Really scared it's going to drive us apart. So a few tears before breakfast...

Never mind, am hoping it is just adjusting and he'll start to feel a little differently (maybe the scan, or at least the later one, might have an effect?) - all being well, of course (am touching wood like crazy at the moment that things will continue - I know it's not a given). He did say he would be 'supportive' and 'well-behaved' over it all - which sounds very dreary (and I really don't want him to feel like it's a burden) - but better than the alternative, I guess.

The procedure wasn't in the main hospital, hp, though I do go occasionally (at least onsite) as am doing my MSc project with someone there. It is weird that we may well have passed each other at some stage! But there's a clinic in a leafy village out of town where it all (IVF-wise) happens now, in a strange manor house type place.

Thanks, Seagreen! Sorry to be another deserter.

OK, off to contemplate being 23 years past the ideal physiological age to have children (according to La Stoppard in confused's article)... Hmm.

We may have to actively recruit....get your canvassing outfits out, ladies, we need some badges making and balloons to hand out. We cant be the only ditherers on MN?!

Interesting article, C, very interesting. Kind of sums it all up, doesn't it? I'm halfway through and my favourite quote currently is...

?It?s not that we?re becoming obsessive, it?s just that we know more.?

Obsessive? Moi?

Will be back later to discuss the article and also any possible plan to recruit!

Just in case there are any ditherers left - helloooo??

No, there is Suerock as well.

Im still excited for LSTs big news . Are you still floaty this morning?? And how much sleep did you get - not much, I bet! I'm glad your DH was ok with the news, maybe now he will get fully on board, if it does take a BFP for men to really 'feel' it, like we have been speculating about. The first scan will be awesome, for both of you.

(Also, without drawing too much attention to the location thing, I find it weird that we may walk passed each other and not know!! Did you have the procedure at the main hospital? Just wondering....).

so much going on on the thread! and here was i thinking there might be two new messages, or five!
confused i am SO sorry to hear about your grandad. < hugs >
LST WAY to go!! SO pleased for you.
i wonder- are HP, confused, amanda and i the only four left?
< looks around, doesn't seem to see anyone else >
i need a stiff drink!
right and on that note let me run off to bed. long day tomorrow. may not be posting much next few days- travel yet again.
take care, girlies.
< wait a minute! "girlies"! did i just say that! >

Ah, okay then!

Night!

Hi lovely people,

I'm touched/pleased/tickled that the northerners are cracking!

Sorry to disappear but DH came home (!) and then got an impromptu text from some v. dear friends who were in Cambridge unexpectedly. So had to go and sit in the pub with them for an hour, drink 0% alcohol beer (don't bother...) and decaff coffee, and not tell them - though I was grinning in an insane way the entire time, I think, so they probably guessed something was up (that and the uncharacteristic lack of pints - did have driving as an excuse but the decaff coffee probably did it!). I didn't want to tell them in part because they announced they were getting hitched in September so didn't want to steal their thunder. It was also fascinating as I was on the 'other side' in some sense when they were complaining about children on trains - not that I didn't agree with them, but suddenly thought, eek, I'm (possibly all being well) in a v. slightly different camp now...

DH was not overcome with joy and enthusiasm, but I wasn't really expecting that, but he was fine, and has said one or two things in a nice way which suggest he's taking it seriously and is ok with it! I could have wished for a slightly more Hollywood emotional conversation, needless to say, but it was alright (and I've been bouncy for the both of us - wasn't expecting to be this excited, actually). He also did cook me a very nice dinner (even with two kinds of vegetable, which is quite impressive for him!) so as good as it was ever going to be, really (and don't take that the wrong way - that's pretty good).

I know (in my head, at least) that this may all come to nothing and there's a long way to go yet. I'm trying to be a bit realistic. I'm sure YTD and lq can tell me there will also be a lot of stress ahead as well - I know no stage is a picnic. The early scan for IVF mums is 35-40 days, so after we've got back from the trip we have at the end of next week, so won't know if it's one or two for quite a while (unless the severity of the morning sickness and symptoms tells me!). But allowing myself to be happy and excited today.

Oh god though, I'm now totally up s**t creek with this exam!! Really ridiculously unprepared. Hope I can get my head back into gear tomorrow.

OK, going to love you and leave you but thanks so much for the lovely sentiments and excitement on my behalf. I am watching and waiting for the next candidate... (Quite understand if you're all back to red tomorrow, of course!)

Hope everyone has a good week and there's good and positive news for hp at the doc's, and for your grandad, confused. xx

Just that it brings it all to the 'surface' when someone really gets a BFP. Don't worry, I'll be back to normal in the morning!

Off to bed, yay, another Monday to come!

And what exactly do you mean by that?!

So chuffed for LST! I reeeaaalllly am!

Yes. I think revision has gone out the window too. It would for me anyway!

I hope she is having a lovely evening and DH wasn't too surprised. I bet the revision went out the window!!

I'm sleeepy.

And can't stop thinking about BFPs and babies now after all the excitement.

Okey doke.

I'll be loitering while telly watching although doubt we'll be hearing much more from LST tonight.

But hopefully will tomorrow!

Yes, I think I am!

Have to go and watch a film now, but will check in later.

Jesus.

I've heard it all now!

Bit of a delay as laptop is being slow again and also meant to be peeling carrots (but this is far more exciting!)

LST sorry to talk about you as if you're not going to read this, but I now realise I was quite nervous on your behalf. I think you have been such a star with the IVF sessions on your own and so on and also very realistic. I know you're officially out the woods post 12 weeks but it seems to be looking good so far.

HP are you as choked up as me? (and no, I'm not pissed!)

I'm still here.

I think she is telling DP as we speak. This is BIG news.

Ahhh, sod it, Im ovulatory and very hormonal....hurrah for babies!!

How'd it go with DH? I guess I am actually more likely to be talking to myself now as you'll be busy breaking news about twins (sorry, couldn't resist!) to your DH. Drinking for two anyone?

You know, you say you don't feel any different but I have heard that was the case with quite a few of my friends. Some do as soon as they know they are pregnant though so maybe the symptoms may hit you big time tomorrow! And will you care? Will you hell!

We've kind of gone of subject and are now on lighter and happier things but wanted to thank you for the kind and thoughtful words re my grandad. It is so horribly sad. We don't know as yet about the type of skin cancer he has, and it may be something relatively harmless but we'll know for sure in the week. However, he's not in the best of health anyway so how long he'll be with us is anyone's guess. C'est la vie I suppose.

Anyway, I think our latest BFP makes for far cheerier reading. Anyone around?

HP we have three BFP's on this thread now so you'll have to be fourth

OMG!!

I log off for a few hours and look what happens!

LST you would not believe how utterly delighted I am for you! I have been wondering when you'd crack and test but also didn't want to bring it up, especially in case you already had. Oh, this is WONDERFUL news! You star!

Am going to have to open a bottle on your behalf!

Am guessing you're telling your DH now... eeek!

Back in 5

xxxxx