To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

But I do eat a lot of veg if that helps?!

(I get a bit lost when trying to reply to a few at once too)

Confused - sh!t sorry, that's it - I've given it away that I find it massively confusing to keep up with threads!

Hi All,
More sneaky posting at work as I couldn't hang on till I got home to find out how HP's spot is doing.

Sorry to go off on a me-me-me (well, more than usual) but, HP, I think we have something very similar going on! Admittedly, mine isn't regular - so irregular in fact that I have brought it up in passing when seeing a doc or similar, but it doesn't make it any less horrendous. Apart from one time, when we were inconveniently trying to pack our tent and stuff up at the end of a festival, it has only ever happened at night. I am going to be a bit graphic here (which I would never do in RL!) so others may want to look away... Going to the loo certainly does help but I remember when I used to get period pains and going to the loo helped then too. However, the pain is in my bottom half but does feel more like the front bottom half than the back, IYSWIM, although that may be as I am comparing it to period pains as I am not sure what else it can be. As for the screaming levels of horribleness, it's very close to that (I tend to be more of a pant and gasper than a screamer, perhaps?!) Am now going to Google fissures (ugh) and similar and see what it comes up with. Actually, I might wait till I go home... What did your GP say, and is there anything else they can explore for you? Yours sounds far worse than mine in terms of regularity, mine is a mere 20 mins of it every few months which is bad enough so poor you having it a lot more. Will be interested to see if coming of the pill makes any difference at all - hopefully it will but in a good way! I used to associate it with happening about a week before my period, which would make sense this month too, although I am not sure how they can be connected if it is a bowel thing rather than a gynae thing - do you know?

YTD sorry to hear you are feeling slightly red and fed up. I hope you are feeling more chipper this morning after an early night. The first few months are meant to be the toughest aren't they? A friend of mine used to get home from work at 6.30 and be in bed for 7pm every night for her first three months - and then have bags of energy for the subsequent three months. Does your DH have similar tolerance levels for mess as you? Mine doesn't, his is far lower than mine which is one of those bones of contention millions of us seem to have, Still, he is far better than my previous boyfriend (S - the one who is ill) who is absolutely revolting and also oblivious to mess.

LST - cheers! We try not to drink in the week but this doesn't always happen. Like you say, if someone comes for dinner or you meet someone in the pub (and, lets face it, where else are you likely to meet them if it's after 5pm?) it involves booze. It's my besetting sin too. Not that I am a ranging drunk, I hasten to add, but I do drink more than I really should.

LQ - hope you manage to change your appointment! Also, I am not veggie, it's HP who is!

No wonder you feel red, poor sleepy YTD. Forget the house, DH can sort that out, get yourself off to bed for some rest and possibly a saucy dream.

I guessed the next few months might be weird, cycle wise. Bit surprised it started so soon. For those on the edge if their seats, The Spot hasn't got any worse today

YTD thanks for that, you come to the rescue just in time! Sorry to hear you are feeling crappy at the mo'. My morning sickness hadnt been bad at all until today - it was there as soon i woke up this morning. Then later on this morning I was horrified by opening up the fridge to make a cup of tea and was almost sick into the fridge after i spied a pack of beef mince (sorry confused I know you're a vege) and that was it, was almost sick into the fridge!

Ok will wait for the actual appointment letter to come through the post so i have it to hand when I call.

Evening all

Gosh LST listening to you talk about drinking over dinner actually made me feel so jealous. I miss red wine. There - i've said it!

confused interesting pain - hmmm, I wonder what it could be?
Wondering if any of you would like to offer some words of advice - i've found out today that my 1st appointment with midwife isnt going to be until 19th April (yep that long away) by which time I will be (counting on fingers & toes)12 weeks exactly. Was kinda under the impression I would see someone before that so now I am wondering whether to have a private scan next week (8 weeks). Its to see if everything is ok so far really as I didnt quite expect that I wouldnt be seeing anyone for this amount of time and from what they said on the phone today I dont even think that the 12 week appointment will include a scan. I know that the scan doesn't prevent anything bad happening but it just might stop me from fretting until mid april? Any views?

Thanks

Day 9: heavy spotting. Which is a bit grim (apologies). Anyone else have that after coming off the pill?

Confused, I was interested to hear about your mystery pain. I have exactly the same thing, have done for about eight years, but every month, for about four days when I am in my week off the pill. It is shockingly awful pain, think screaming levels of horribleness, I think it's from my bowel (as going to the loo helps) but the pain radiates through my entire lower half. Two months ago the pain was so bad I fainted. I've been to the GP and they think I have a fissure but are not sure if that causes the pain given it's association with my pill-free, bleeding week. That's one of the reasons I was worried about stopping the pill, as I don't know whether it will make the situation better or worse. Anyway, hope that wasn't TMI, I'm blushing as I write this as I haven't told anyone apart from DH and GP. But your pain sounded quite similar to mine. But mine makes me think that maybe I could cope with birth!!

Have two episodes of OBEM to watch, wonder if DH fancies it again!

I'm under no illusions about my drinking - I'm not an alcoholic, and I have cut down to very little recently, but it's definitely my besetting sin, and I do love it. Doesn't help that our whole social life revolves around dinners (which seem impoverished without wine - however wrong this is) and the pub. Living in a university town, we've perpetuated the student lifestyle in some ways (though thankfully not others) - that lack of distinction between weekends and weeks which means it doesn't feel bad or inappropriate - in fact is totally normal - to go out in the week (which also means we work a lot at weekends, on the other side of the coin, but that's not particularly healthy either...).

Anyway, am being sensible at the moment and the running is helping, though it's rather a painful way to do it as I'm not doing enough training so won't do more than stumble round...

In fact was supposed to be going for a run now but chained to my desk trying to finish an overdue essay - grr. Anyone else bored witless?

I am writing this at work so don't have previous postings in front of me - apologies in advance if I forget to mention anything or anyone!

Seagreen so sorry to hear you're so fed up. Like the others, I am guessing it is largely job / cash related. Realise it might not be the first place you want to visit at the moment, but we're all here if you want to let off steam. x

LST glad to hear your mum and dad seem to be coping really well. I think you've got it right not smothering them with calls, especially if you don't call loads and loads anyway. It may magnify things and also, perhaps, make them start worrying about the effect it's having on you too. Desperate times with the running, eh? I think that's a brilliant plan though to enforce sobriety when you need to the most (as I am starting to wonder if we are similar in our penchants for the odd drink!)

As for what LST was saying about pain I'd like to add my two penneth... I have broken my arm, as well as had my appendix out and both were, not surprisingly, horrid. However, I cannot remember the details of how it hurt, just why, so hopefully it would be the same with something such as childbirth. However... I occasionally, about three or four times a year at most, get this pain in the middle of the night. It's like a very acute period pain and wakes me up and I have to go sit on the loo, bunched over. This pain is so horrid that it can actually make me feel slightly sick and also quite breathless but thankfully it doesn't last longer than about 15-20 mins from start to finish (it builds up and then fades out so only about ten mins or less is really bad.) I have mentioned this once to a nurse who said it is probably ovulation as that can hurt, and I have also later mentioned it to a GP who said that it certainly would not be ovulation as I was, at the time, on the pill. She said it was more likely to be bowel related (although, as I said, it felt more period pain-ish than bowl-ish.) The reason I am sharing this with you (and theories to what it may actually be are welcome!) is that when it happens I always think of childbirth (even in my pre-dithering days) and wonder how on earth I'd cope. I would have thought that something that made you do all the things I described, horrid as it is at the time, would pale in comparison to labour and that, frankly, scares the shit out of me!

I watched OBEM last night and found it grimly fascinating as always

checking this works as cutting and pasting from a doc at work (and last time I tried to do that it didn't and I had to re-write it)

Hi all

Seagreen - I managed to completely miss your post. I'm so sorry things are so awful at the moment. Presuming as HP did that from what you say it's at least partially job related. Really hope things get very much better soon. Feel free to vent whenever you want to on here. Lots of good vibes over the ether (and a stiff drink).

I think my Dad's ok - I've decided not to smother them with calls at the moment, as things are as normal as they can be until he has his next treatment and as far as I know he's getting on with all his usual pillar-of-the-community business (this sounds sarcastic but isn't - he is doing really worthwhile and unglamorous things for the community, bless him).

Don't worry, lq, I am doing this for me, and also having the usual doubts very much for me. I'm now addicted to OBEM, even watching the old episodes on Iplayer or whatever it is, and completely petrifying myself about the prospect of labour, distant as it still is. Did anyone see it tonight? I feel a bit better after seeing Penny tonight, who while obviously having a bloody awful time, seemed to deal with it very well in the circumstances, and didn't have to be cut or mauled too much. (Obviously they edited out the 12 hours of agony she went through in the middle there so it's not exactly a true picture...) It was scary seeing the first episode though - I may (or may not!) have other good points but I am not the stoical type that they were talking about, and have never really been in pain (of any kind - no appendix, no broken limbs, nothing), so despite being almost 20 years older than Sam (was it? the young red haired one who had her mum and partner Ed in with her, anyway), I suspect I'd be just as panicked and hopeless-right-at-the-beginning as she was. I haven't watched that one all the way through though so don't know how bad it got.

Anyway, I think that on balance, despite being scary, it's more reassuring than not, though as YTD said a while back, you sort of see what you want to, by and large!

Really sorry to hear about the spt, HP*! I really don't think that's a well-known side effect of coming off, or not a long term one, anyway. It's probably the stress of the decision... Think of the dreams as a happy compensation (possibly? supervisor fantasies, even strictly in the unconscious, probably rather a mixed blessing!).

I'm not starting any of the drugs yet, probably around 26th March or so, so I'm in a charmed limbo at the moment. Am getting a 10km run in on the 27th before I start to feel properly weird so hopefully that will keep me a) sober and b) healthy beforehand, at least. (Desperate times call for desperate measures!)

Anyway, have a very early start tomorrow so better get to bed. Thinking of you, Seagreen (and Suerock if you're reading this) - we're all behind you. xx

Sure it's fluke - promise! I very rarely get them too but when I have can be really horrid. Get some tea tree on it and it'll go soon enough.

Still not had dinner so back when I have as lots of posts to catch up on.

Don't worry, Ive had a good poke at it and its really red and angry now. No human intervention will cure it, I will have to leave it to my immune system. I hope this isn't the start of a spotty future, I'm 32 FGS!

Fruit then!

I only eat veg (vegetarian, remember!)

Eat more veg!

In middle of making dinner, but back later with proper post (if you can call my posts proper...)

Oh, SeaGreen, what a sad post. I'm sorry everything is going so badly - you don't go into many details but I assume that you are being made redundant? Without knowing the ins-and-outs I wont say too much, but I hope things improve quickly for you. When things are crap is it hard to even think about the baby issue, as your energy has to go elsewhere. Take care of yourself and hopefully there will be some light at the end of your tunnel soon.

LST - how is your Dad doing? Sending all the best. And are you dosing up on the juice yet? Hope its going ok, especially with the injections.

Right, you lot. A word. Whats with this bloody monstrous spot that has ruptured on my chin? I can only conclude that depriving me of my pill has resulted in Hormone Spot. I can count on one hand the number of icky spots Ive had in the last 15 years. Grrrr.

Also, yowzers, I can totally join in on the sexy dreams discussion. In the last four nights Ive had three sexy dreams (and one nightmare), involving inappropriate people (supervisor, anyone?) that I don't even fancy!! Coincidence or Hormone Dreams?

Honeypetal CD8. Spotty and dream-sexy.

Hey LST glad to hear that your mum was sounding good, I think that will give your dad a boost too.

Also no worries about your conversation with your SIL. There is something in what you said - about being a great auntie, helping your sister out & this being good for everyone- it just made me think a bit - about you and what you want. The thing is, I think that you have a right to dither, its the same with making any big decision in life (this one possibly the biggest with most responsibility). although you may find it hard and get frustrated with your dithering, thats just something that you have to go through. The dithering is just weighing everything up and trying to make the best possible decision. So although you say you could decide not to have children, which is still your decision to make, try to make it for you as I am sure that you would still help your sister and be a fabulous auntie even if you had your own kids.

To be perfectly honest-we were dithering (hence joining this lovely thread) trying to work it all out, make sure everything was right and then it just happened. we decided not to dither and to ttc for a very short time, then I thought, oh no all the rubbish at work and then one night of no contraception and here we are! And although it was a massive shock, I am really pleased, thrilled and I know this is what I want. So now even if something didnt work out with this pregnancy I still know now I would like to try again, because my mind's in a different place now.

Sorry for all of this whittling on, i just saw your post this morning and felt worried for you. Just take your time with it.

seagreen thank you for your congrats.

confusedthanks for your sympathies! Yes its daily mail but a bit worse. Even without being like Alf Garnet its her negativity that gets me too - today it was like the sunshine and conversation got sucked out of the room when she came in!

Woohoo, HP!! Good for you. It must feel like a big step, but there are other methods in the meantime and it's a step in a certain (the right?) direction without committing you too much.

Thanks, folks, for your very kind words (and hugs) re. my dad - it's really great to feel so supported. My mum sounded much better today which helped a lot - part of it is worrying about her as she is quite fragile emotionally in general.

Hmm, confused, sounds grim. There's nothing like a bad party for making home seem sooo attractive! Hope it wasn't too awful. We stayed in last night and watched the West Wing which was great! (Not that I should feel virtuous as I went out and drank two nights in the week - not too heavily but I'm sure I shouldn't be drinking at all, or barely, in the run up to starting the injections.)

I had a long chat to my sister, who is having a really tough time - she's back at work teaching in a really rough school 3 days a week with her son in nursery, but he's constantly ill from bugs he picks up there, and then they get what he has but much worse, so she's been quite ill on and off, and always full of cold, since before Christmas. I think it was in part to make me feel ok about the prospect of IVF not working, if it doesn't, but she was more or less saying 'it's not that great, having kids', in fact they have found it quite hard going recently. Part of me thinks - perhaps I should just leave the whole thing be and just be a great auntie and help my sister out loads, which would be good for everyone. Anyway, no time to dither now - I'm not really, but it does give you pause for thought.

Err, sorry, YTD and lq, perhaps this isn't the most encouraging thing to post right at this moment. Don't worry - hopefully I'll be where you both are soon myself so I'm not ducking out, honest! And I'll be delighted if I am - it's just I'm still a ditherer at heart, probably always will be.

OK, time for bed - totally knackered at the moment - though definitely definitely not because I'm pregnant! (Haven't found a need for the condoms this cycle, if truth be told - we're both working like maniacs and DH is still on funny hours because of jet lag so we're not always even in the same bed!). But will heed your warning, confused - it would be ironic (and difficult) to slip up at this stage. I think they scan me before I start the first injections, anyway, so I think they would see if there was anything to report, so to speak, but at this rate that's a fairly distant possibility!

Night, all.

LOVE the new 'confused' emoticon btw!! does it mean confused that you should now be doiordonti

Hello ladies. My travel plans continue apace, and meanwhile my world is crashing about my ears. Suerock my sympathes are with you! make that empathy. LQ , congratulations, I realise in my haste to read the thread I didn?t congratulate you before!
I have been avoiding all sorts of baby related stuff. Or if I read it, I?ve cultivated this mental distance now. i saw one episode of One Born Every Minute but i feel sick watching too much of something now when i don't know when i can do anything myself, so am doing the vicarious enjoyment of baby related stuff thing in small doses. Earlier, it was a ?good fun, and am hoping to try this out very soon? type thing. But now it?s a ?I don?t know when and there?s no point thinking about something that I might not be able to do for many many more years?. Hope I?m able to sort through the sh*t before my ovaries curl up and die! I?m sorry to be such a downer and to sound so bitter. it WOULD be that life would go all effed up just around the time that i would have liked to have a kid. it's complicated. maybe, just maybe, against all hope, things will go all right again.
I?m so, so thrilled for you YTD and for you LQ. am enjoying your journey through your posts.

Just about to sit down and watch a film with DH so haven't been able to fully catch up.

I do want to send a full Internet hug to LST and send my best wishes to your dad. Like everyone says, thank goodness it's been caught early and fingers crossed for a speedy return to health. And good luck with all the IVF medications, I think you are very brave and comitted to put yourself through injections and the rest of it.

That party sounds crap, Confused. Bloody hell, I was in bed by 10.30 last night, no way could I stay up until 12.45! I know, rock n roll!

Better go, the film is starting.

Oh. Was there something else?

I totally didn't take my pill.

Oh dear, your in law's sound horrendous! My former boyfreind's mother used to have stupid views (think Daily Mail) and that used to wind me up, but they weren't on the scale of your in-law's. Agree, keep that SIL away from your child!

DH's family are just dull. Very bland and very dull, and his mother constantly 'frets' about everything possible which is both draining and irritating (I mean, what on earth would she be like with a real problem if she's like she is over trivial things.) Still, maybe I ought to count my lucky stars as I may have got off lightly!

Confused Ah your post has made me laugh! I know exactly what you mean about going to souless family parties...have just come back from my MIL's house and DH's family are frankly strange - even he says it!

Love your DH's comment about him not doing that for his bday - yes inappropriate but hilarious as he was drunk and it was the truth!

Re the comment about people asking you about having kids, totally agree - other than v close friends & you guys on here I hate it when people ask & assume that that's what you will be doing next. In fact, I think its quite rude to ask depending on who's asking.

I need to rant about my in-laws so here we go...FIL & MIL are ok, a bit "victorian" i would say, very old fashioned views practically perching on prejudicial views and my SIL who is an out and out racist and doesn't like disabled people "frightening for children" and ugly people "just pointless". In case you were wondering no she is no oil painting but worse she is a teacher. Oh joy. So part of my parenting issues will actually be trying to keep my kids away from my SIL. Sorry for the rant, but it really gets my goat.