To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

Back now...

So, they are both coming Easter weekend. Last time they came he was okay once my dog was also around (dog was on a long walk with DH and man we're doing the Order of Service things for the first day) but the first day he was here he spent half his time sulking - sulking as we walked rather than went in the car, sulked as we wanted to look in shops etc. Realise this is a bit dull for a child, but we had spent the morning doing things he liked and now it was our time. That was my argument, and also I think he needs to realise that not everybody revolves around him. So there, humph! My friend has a lot of guilt over him being 'an only child' which I really don't think is a big deal. I wasn't an only child and, actually, my sister and brother drove me mad and we didn't play together much. Also, he has heard he is 'an only child' so much he plays on it and also seems to think this means he has to be entertained constantly (and he is.)

Anyway, feel disloyal for writing this even though it's anon so will stop.

Hello all,
Been quiet this weekend as had a friend of DH's staying. Am also now MNing on the sly as have another friend here and we are doing the Order of Service for his wedding (may get to that shortly.)

LQ sorry to hear you are feeling low. I would guess that the pregnancy hormones can exacerbate things that are stressful etc and make you feel even more low than you would otherwise. It also sounds as if you do have quite a bit to contend with work-wise (I can't recall how much detail you've gone into already re this, and also understand if you don't want to.)

YTD so, the intial feeling ropey was nothing compared to this?! Yikes! Fingers crossed it is not too long lasting.

So, we have the first scan of a Ditherer Baby - I am really excited on your behalf! Wow! How much could you actually make out? I am guessing it was a head with miniscule (oooh, am having flashes of green as I type!) arms and legs and a big pumpy heart! And do the print outs look like Hayley's comet? I can't imagine how it must be to have the first scan, but would guess it is very emotional. A friend of mine said the same, she's not that soppy generally either, but blimey she was when she was scanned for the first time (from what she said.) Also, now the baby has hatched (in Jan) she say's it's wonderful. Hard work but wonderful.

HP SP I hope you got your application in and good luck wishes are coming your way.

So, plans for the Easter weekend, as HP asked about a few days back. I have a friend coming, a friend I love dearly, and her 9 year old son. The son, I have to say, gets on my nerves a lot bit. This is one of those rants posts that I may read back on in years to come and cringe at my ideology and stupid ideas but bear with me... I feel as if one of the roles of a parent is to teach your child to be able to cope without you. I think they need to learn to be independet and to think for themselves, and while being in full knowledge of how much they are loved, also be able to stand on their own two feet. I also know that children are capable of a lot more at a very early age than parents often think (I realised this from working at my friends nursery - with a bit of help, two and three year old's are more than capable of putting their coats and shoes on, clearing up mess etc.) My friends child, who is nine remember, does NOTHING for himself. If he is cold he says 'mummy, I'm cold' and my friend jumps up and gets him a jumper. If he is thirsty, he tells her and she gets him a drink - etc etc. He isn't bratty, but he does seem to take for granted that other people do the running around. When he stays he leaves a trail of debris where he has been and I asked him several times to put his wrappers in the bin and so on, and he looked at me with shock and horror. And then said 'mummy can do it.'

Bugger - friend coming downstairs. Will be back in a bit

Evening all,

Quick post as am staying with family and would rather no-one caught me on here...not that Im ashamed of you all, you understand, Id just rather meet up with you all in a cafe on a railway station dressed in a 1940s suit a la secret love affair.

But just a quickie to LST to say all the best for the start of the procedure, you know we are all rooting for you, your chucky eggs and DHs best, strongest swimmers. And no matter what, we are all here for you.

Better go, just nearly had interested parties asking what i was up to on the lap top!!

Take care all. PS. Am quite green at the mo. And firmly in elevated temp luteal phase.

HP-SP

Hi all,

Hope you're feeling better, YTD (I guess you might be as it's afternoon) and that the intensive sickness (or any sickness, come to that) doesn't go on too long. I guess you have to see it as reassuring in the sense that it shows that everything is 'normal' (small comfort, perhaps, and easy for me to say, I know). One thing that scares me about pregnancy, childbirth and perhaps the whole parenting thing is that it seems one has to drastically redefine what 'normal' is, of course. But it's worth it. Just read some of your recent happy posts and those of lq!

Ditto, lq, although I know it must be hard to battle against something that is presumably hormonal to some extent. Work situation doesn't sound like it's helping though - sorry you're going through that. Just think about your scan and try to forget the other stuff.

Well, today's the day I start my 'down-regging' injections! At long last. I'm waiting to do them in the evening as that's more likely to be a time I can do them regularly. Am itching to get at those needles, strangely enough. Sure that will change when the injecting actually starts. Not to mention the side effects. Just finishing a course of antibiotics today (probably said this above?) for my tooth abscess so hoping the two don't interact badly in any way. Hopefully reasonably good timing as at least I'm stopping the antibiotics. Of course [sorry, TMI!] have a nice dose of thrush (hoping antibiotic-related and so short-lived) to put me in tip-top form for the start of treatment!

Actually am not too bad at all, don't listen to me - still feeling calm (by my standards, at least) and happy after doing my 10km run yesterday. And DH being quite a model husband at the moment, cooking me dinner last night and doing selective house jobs today (very selective, natch - updating the playlist on our ipod/kitchen stereo rather than, say, cleaning the loo - but one takes what one can get!).

Sorry to hear about your career worries, hp and Suerock ? I know quite a few people in your position (most of our friends seem to be science academics at one stage or another) and it really sucks. It?s one of those things that sometimes make you want to run the country (science funding should be increased massively ? we?re not exactly going to be able to rely on our heavy manufacturing industry in Britain any more, are we?). Obviously running the country would mostly be a crock of sh*t but just occasionally I fantasize about it!

OK, really should be doing some work. Waves to confused and Seagreen and anyone else I haven?t mentioned.

Thanks YTD, glad to hear your MS is a bit more restrained!

I have another weapon to add- its probably part of the feeling poo, I feel awfully down today. Just can't seem to shake it. I reckon its to do with the work things, I really thought I would be going back next week but things are just not organised at all and having heard back from my boss it appears that they aren't even 100% sure what my role will include anymore. How's that meant to make me feel, stress or no stress.

I feel like I want to go back, I want to move on with this but the last communication with work has pretty much thrown me back to square one. I am so pleased I havent told them about my pregnancy yet as I would hate for their fumbling around decision making to involve my pregnancy - not sure if I can quite believe it but am sure that would make me feel worse.

Sorry to go on, I know you are all coping with a lot at the moment.

Thanks SeaGreen

All is quiet on the Western front..is everyone ok?

..and congratulations

BRILLANT!!
the first Ditherer Baby has been sighted!

Long but hope worthwhile post.....

SeaGreen will have to see if I can find that column online - I usually get the standard on the way home but with not currently travelling into London I do kinda miss it.

Ah thanks for that YTD, makes me feel a lot better and like boobs won't fondly be called flopsy and mopsy in the future.

Well I did something almost a bit naughty today but am totally thrilled and couldn't wait to share with my MN buddies. After much deliberation between DH and I we did decide to go for a private scan and the appointment was this morning. I was concerned that I wouldn't see anyone until mid-end April and even though I could prob have bumped my midwife appointment fwd the hosptial do not have the equipment to do the early ultrasound so I have to go to Kings and they will really only do it if you've had a major prob (luckily i haven't) but was concerned about implantation etc due to endometriosis and being told for years that it was so bad I would probably not be able to conceive naturally.

Anyway, all this blurb is leading up to the fact we went for Private scan today- and we saw our lovely little bean and its heart beat pumping away!!! It was amazing. Its really put my mind at rest in someways and I know there is still a way to go until we are in the clear but it was nice to hear everything is in the place it should be and measurements, heartbeat etc etc are all 'normal". The biggest grin ever!

We came away with 4 pics, and the lady that saw us was ever so nice and understanding. Ah.....one very happy Lizard

the free evening standard this evening had column by laura craik that you would find interesting LQ - she had the same experience at m&s!!
have i just outed my location?

Evening ladies

Wow your jobs sound so interesting! HP good luck with your job application

My news for the day....I gave in and bought some maternity bras. Nipple pain was driving me nuts so I headed off to mothercare. There is a hell of a lot you can buy wrong there. I ended up with 2 non wired bras. The fitter lady told me right off for a wearing a wired bra. What can I say about them - they look like trainer bras! None of them with sparkles either to match the hotpants! There were a few maternity swimsuits on sale too but I am trying to restrict myself (and my bosoms!)

Back to watching question time....

HP SP - on point 4 above- check this out- zoggs the cat swaddled!

Ok, A change of subject to more cheery matters. May I suggest:

1. The bringing of my arm down?
2. Juices?
3. Plans for Easter weekend?
4. Dressing our pets up as babies to see if we feel greener?

Well, good luck with it all. Both of you.

Arm has gone white and tingly.

Academic nonsense = all of the above, and much, much more. I suspect that Suerock and I would write essentially the same essay!

Writing grants brings in the money for the research to happen, and it is very tricky. You have to come up with the ideas, no mean feat when thats what everyone else is trying to do.

Hence the current CV writing.

That is such a shame to have to spend more and more time doing grant and admin when you've worked so hard. Re your job application - what do you mean by less academic nonsense?

And finally, have you still got your arm up?

I could write an essay on this topic and can get exceptionally boring on it

It boils down to people being expensive, as HP says, and to a huge fight to continually be the best

Mainly because after one or two (or three, if you are lucky) post-doc positions you have to show your commitment and start getting in funding and moving towards being an independent researcher. This means more and more grant writing and admin, and less bench work. The pressure is immense - generate data, be in the lab, publish quality papers yet write grants and network at conferences.

If you try to stay as a post-doc (which would be my ideal solution) you may become too expensive to employ, as group leaders want to spend as little on salaries as possible. There is very little middle management in research (or at least, medical research).

Why does the fun have to end? Is it as the jobs aren't there or for another reason? I know nothing about this field, if you haven't guessed!

If I leave it will be with a heavy heart. Ive worked bloody hard to get this far (yup, including my doctorate, in answer to your question, Confused). And there really isn't anything like planning and executing a beautiful, challenging experiment.

But the fun probably has to end at some point, and that time may be coming for me.

As for babies....if Im going to move on, better to do it sooner rather than later, I guess. If Im not going to do the baby thing, I might be more inclined to stay in research, to fully commit to it.

In answer to HP's question, sadly yes. There just aren't the opportunities in my field there were a few years back, and the job market is completely swamped. I don't know whether to join the scrum, or, as HP so elequently puts it, bow out gracefully. Hence getting preggers right now might help me decide on that one.

Things sounds far more interesting than doing it on computers. So, are you both doctorate's?

Real experiments in a lab with things rather than just a computer. I can't begin to describe how fun (some of the time) and frustrating (most of the time) it is!