To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

welcome, twosofar , and hello, amandacooper !

ooh must try out new emoticons!!

I'm with confused on this one, on all the points.
i love this thread, it's a very comforting haven. not to say someone else could not have felt it going in two directions, but for me this thread has become more a gathering of people who talk about a lot of things, and less a thread where we only talk about dithering.

Hi all,
Quick post before bed.

LST, while I can see the thinking being two threads I am not sure if it would work. I guess I am talking for myself, well of course I am, but I love our thread and the fact that we talk about many many other things on it.

Ridiculous as this may sound, I feel as if I have got to know all of you in various ways and while we may never meet, and don't even know our first names, it's like we are friends as such and I wonder if that would come to an end with two threads. I suppose I am worried that two threads would make it harder to follow a constant and it could develop an us and them feeling, albeit a mild mannered one.

On the minus side, I have not picked up on what LST and HP SP may have picked up on and perhaps if I had things would be different.

Answers on a postcard please!

Twosofar I think you might want our thread: "waiting to TTC part 2" rather than this one if you're desperate for another baby but have to wait. There's a few people in that position on there. I always read this thread but don't really post in it (that could all change when we reach the point where we can TTC, at which point I shall probably lose my nerve lol).

I'm posting really to say HP I suppose with the benefit of hindsight, this was always going to happen. It happens all the time on MN - you get friendship groups that are drawn together by being at the same stage in the parenthood journey and then gradually some of them progress to the next stage while others are left behind.

I think maybe the answer is a new thread for ditherers (I still hate that term!) and you could still post in here as well but you'd have another thread to post in as well - imagine that lol! I do see myself as being on the first step on the parenthood journey that will ultimately lead to motherhood, even if I'm not very green yet and DH is uber red! I'd like to have another thread to dip into as well, I'm sure a lot of people would.

I'm a bit of an interloper so sorry to but in, but this may be the place for me??

Vital statistics are - age 38 have 2 DS's DS1 was 4 in March and DS2 is 2.6. Live in London.

Situation is as follows: I have always wanted 3 DC's as has DP. I feel that time is of the essence.. I want to have another one while the boys are still young and I'm still in the zone.

Problem is that while boys were young - 2007/2008 and I wasn't working, we were poor as church mice which was a bit depressing. Since I've been back, albeit part time, we have money in the bank and can afford holidays/treats/to get the washing machine replaced etc. Just nice not to be struggling

DP is worried about his job to the extent that he was downstairs watching films at 2am this morning as he can't sleep due to the stress and he called in sick today for the first time in 10 years because he just can't face it. I have never known him like this.

So basically the idea of another baby, me not working and possibly (God forbid) him not working and being skint again is so no what he wants and yet I can't get past the idea that I really REALLY want another baby.

DS says not yet but when??? How long should/can I wait? I fear that if we put it off, it will get put off forever and I'll have a huge baby shaped hole in my life.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I just stick it out and see what unfolds?

Sorry for lengthy post

Thanks LST!

Will respond to your mail later as off now - but hold that thought!

SeaGreen - the links you posted took ages to load on my laptop so got confused as to which was which. My fave is the stripey bedroom - the first one - and the eclectic one!

Anyway, am off (from work) now - later!

Hi there,

I have to confess to being a little bit with hp in feeling uncomfortable about posting re. very red thoughts and the general horrors of childbirth, child rearing etc. (a theme I'd hitherto warmed to!) with pregnant ladies among us, while being delighted for them of course. But it was the feeling of being at odds with those having children around me (not in terms of personality, just in terms of immediate experience/ situation) that got me on here in the first place. Of course now I'm also part of the issue, of course, in taking the thread in an 'active TC intervention' direction rather than a 'dithering, still deciding whether we'll ever do it' direction, so I perhaps don't fall into the initial constituency any more either. But don't (ever) want to leave!

I have a partial solution - but is it too divisive and would it ruin everything?? Don't know. I was wondering about a splinter To TTC or not thread ('To TTC or not to TTC: Beta'? 'To TTC or not: the Red Days'?), where we can go to express red thoughts, weigh up the decision to conceive, talk about the very real reasons not to do it etc., while still (speaking for myself at least) staying here on this one - if I'm allowed - and participating with joy in the ongoing news of YTD, lq and anyone else who might join them. Or would that just ruin the lovely warm vibe of this thread? YTD, lq just as welcome on the other one, obviously, especially if they are feeling red or ambivalent about their situation. I'm talking partly to hp of course here, as well as everyone else, and she may already have gone... hp, are you out there? [echoes down empty corridors]

I don't know, maybe that's a non-starter.

I really want to emphasize that I mean absolutely no criticism or disrespect to those who are preggers, nor any lack of interest in your pregnancies (it's of special interest to me at the moment, believe me!). We were waiting with bated breath to see who would be the first. It's just more whether the thread is now doing two jobs that aren't entirely at ease with each other. I wonder if we can have our cake and eat it with two threads in our name?

Thoughts please - but understand if people think this is a bad idea.

Oh as an aside - so pleased to hear about S, confused! That's really great news.

Whoopeee for being officially pregnant! It also must be nice to have someone all excited about it - I think I'd be demanding the world stopped turning if it was me!

So, do you have lots of basic tests first and then go back a few weeks later for the exciting bit scan?

I hope the weekend goes well too. It's hard when you love your friend so much so want to be as accommodating as possible but at the same time get irritated to buggery by her son! He is also at an age where whatever the adults are doing it very interesting to him indeed so tends to loiter about. Also, if mummy is busy quaffing wine she can't be arsed arguing with him to go up to bed so he is about for longer. Oh well! Hopefully it won't actually be that bad and both me and DH have actually got it all out of proportion.

Thanks to all who've said it's great news re S - I delighted myself and, while you don't know him (or me properly in many ways) it's great to hear you acknowledge it too.

LQ and YTD get squeezing those pelvic floors!

Everyone - am not likely to post from Friday as people here so will be back with you on Monday / Tuesday. Happy easter!

Aww, HP, please don't feel you have to go. With an open forum like this, there's always the possibility of cross posting, or missing a nuance in a disjointed conversation, or simply not being able to read body language or voice tone, and we really don't know each other at all! And I think all of us on here understand that. I certainly don't/wouldn't get upset at any posts.

But if you feel you need a break from MN and discussing TTC and continually analysing everything - then I'll completely understand, and I'm sure you'll find all or some of us still here dithering along when you feel like coming back.

confused - great news about S

HP, I hope you're getting the message loud and clear!

YTD, I didn't realise you could have bladder problems before you've hatched, I thought it was just after! Did your friend who was telling you that she is no longer wetting herself know you are currently pregnant? (Is she the one who had the little boy?)

So glad its the Easter weekend! I think it'll be a busy one but hopefully not too much. I have lots of activites for my friends little boy planned for the day and I'll then use this as a reason for him to go to bed when he is told without getting up every five minutes and pretending he us upset (usually about his dad - personally, I think this is bollocks, he just knows this is a sure fire way to get mummy to let him stay up). If we do things to entertain him then we have done our bit and can have 'adult time' (if that doesn't sound rude!) at night.

At least, that's the plan...

Just realised OBEM is on 4oD! weekend here i come! have consistently managed to miss all but one episode so far.

aye aye- can do without the TENA!
HP i agree with LQ- the funadamental nature ie that we are ditherers hasnt changed- some of us are on this side of the fence and some of us on the other, and some plain astride the fence and hoping not to fall off! but we all love to over analyse and torture ourselves anyway- which is why we are on this thread in the first place! and somewhere down the line the thread has also become just about sharing thoughts- and not just red, green and amber ones- and i love that.
confused- am un-pissed again - but dreading a lo-o-ong day tomorrow.

HP just wanted to back up what the others were saying especially being in the same position as YTD, I think its great that we can all come on here, different walks of life, varying different levels of greenness and let me say that even more self despite the up the stuff state sometimes I have thought crikey, what about x, y & z all of the reasons that I was dithering in the first place. Those are pretty much still there but I guess its how you deal with them. What brought us all together was the "dithering" and the fact that we all analysed everything to bits and still do...that's the people that we are. So I don't think you are going to offend anyone at all if you are feeling very red, its ok because thats how we all supported each other in the first place.

I think we call all unite and agree that NONE of us wants to be wetting ourselves like YTDs mate - crikey why do people tell us these things?!(rapidly squeezing the pelvic floor as I type)

Ooops!

Confused manages to piss off someone else while telling HP not to worry about offending people...

Perhaps I need to stick to simply posting inappropriate dog links!

Fair enough but I actually think you might be overthinking things.

Nobody would feel angry for you for feeling a different way, and that's from red to green, than them.

Even those who are TTC or, say, LQ last night wouldn't mind. This, and I believe it was you who may have first said this, is the thread where anything goes. Anything. Which is why I also post about S having cancer, for example. (It's like me now not feeling as if I can post about that as YTD's dad died of cancer, or LST's dad has just been diagnosed.)

And, while we're on the subject, I like having a working pelvic floor too! (Sorry LQ and YTD...)

If you do go, and I really hope you don't, you'll be missed!

Besides, I still have a sneaky suspicion you'll be number 4 (YTD - 1, LQ - 2, LST - 3 and HP SP - 4!!!)

Shit. I can't leave without explaining myself a but better, so hopefully no-one thinks I'm being a complete bitch!

I think you are all lovely, and have been rocks for the last six months, and I want everyone to be as green as they feel on any given day. You all have every right to be green or red or amber. And I am SO delighted about the dither-babies, couldn't be happier for you. What I am worried about is posting something along the lines of 'feel super red, babies are rubbish and I feel like I would be chucking my life away if I had one (a baby, not a life)' and the next post is someone worried she may be miscarrying or is struggling to conceive. I would hate myself for that, and have never, ever wanted to upset anyone accidently with my dithering (so I stay away from most of MN, as people get pretty angry with the indecisive).

So perhaps a break is in order. This is not, repeat not, a flounce, I swear. HP-SP is not the flouncing type!

C, that's awesome news, fantastic - as always, sending all the best.

Brief change of subject.

Post from S's blog (who's got cancer) He had a scan last week and has just got the results. In his own words...

"Reduction in liver and pancreas mastis. Bone more pronounced on the scan, but this could be scarring caused by the treatment. Long and short is that the treatment is working and I should continue with the next 4 cycles of chemo. He suggested plan A for the 3 months after chemo - ie piss off and enjoy myself.
A happy consultant with an even happier patient.
:-D"

Whooppeee!

Exactly! Looking into things properly, even those who are now upduffed aren't truely and constantly green! Blimey, even though LST is now injecting herself in preparation for IVF she is still also dithering!

In fact, if I may be so bold, one could say that someone who's just come off the pill and who's DH, after months of the subject being a catalyst for a row, is now saying if it happens it happens is possibly more green than quite a few of us!

Hmm, YTD, our lack of progress is almost impressively bad!

And, HP, if you read back on my posts, on Monday I was very much red and then Tuesday I was madly badly green.

If that's not chopping and changing, I don't know what is!

Also, I have ideas about how I would bring up a child as I have worked with loads of children so it's inevitable you get ideas (rather like I did when working on a wedding mag, even though I couldn't see myself getting hitched.) It'd not from spending hours pondering the subject, trust me!

And ignore Seagreen, she's pissed