To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

YTD...?
Where are you?
Come in, YTD!

Yup! I'm with you on those points!
DH knows I am on here but not to what extent. And I'd like to keep it that way as this is such a wonderful place to be self obsessed brain dump.

Didn't realise you were out the closet with your DH though! How did that come about?

Same as me, DH now knows I lurk here, but I dont ever really want him poking around and figuring out the extent of my interaction. This place, and you lot, have helped me so much in the last 10 months, and being able to write openly is a big part of that.

Thank you. I think we share the same viewpoints. I have nothing to hide, and therefore will hide nothing. Being furtive is far worse as DH may 'dicscover' something he wasn't aware of and then things could escalate.

I believe you need to keep some of yourself private too, although there aren't many things that I do keep secret from DH. He knows also that I go on MN but I have not offered much further info as I don't want him to become curious.

The only way forward then is to carry on doing as you are going - be a bit firm and be open about your contact with S, whilst at the same time being mindful if DH has experienced jealousy in past relationships. Openness is always the best option, then things dont get misunderstood or blown up out of proportion.

(although I do actually believe that even in a couple, you are allowed a part of yourself that is private, and not to be shared. Hence why I am on MN!!!)

I am with you re the relationships and everyone has some form of 'past.' DH's previous relationships seemed to have teemed with jealously and I have always said to him that I think this is ridiculous - as he would if he met me at 28 and I had never had another relationship before him.

And, yes, what you said is fair, about us having a connection. However, if you saw us in the same room you'd never think it.

I cannot control how DH feels and also refuse to not see S or even hide things to do with S as there is no need to. There is a need to if we are up to no good, or even have the potential to, but we don't.

As for Porches, Cosmo and two day parties? No! I'm not a celeb! At All!

Cripes. The thing is, people come with a history, baggage, a past - whatever you want to call it. Sometimes its just a couple of dodgy relationships and a bad weekend in Brighton, sometimes its a bit more than that. Clearly you and S have a connection, and although the relationship ran its course long ago, that connection remains. In fact, its probably why you stayed together long after the end of the romantic relationship, is that fair?

S, and you, are going through a hell of a time, its no wonder perhaps that the past is getting an airing. Trying to juggle three peoples feelings about all this is tough. I have no experience at all, other than to suggest that you cant control how DH feels about you/S/the past, beyond reassuring him that its all done and dusted, and only friendship remains. He may always feel uncomfortable, but what can you do?

(also, Cosmo bride, Porsches, two day parties - are you secretly a celeb??)

Exactly. However, I don't think DH thinks I would cop off with S, but I do think he finds our relationship a bit weird.

To explain, me and S split a few years later than really we should have done. We got on famously blah blah blah but NEVER had sex or did anything other than things with all our mates. We were also each others' mates. Best mates.

However, when we did split, S went into a bit of a decline but I don't think that was really due to me, just the fact that he was on his own and also, to paraphrase, everyone ended up chucking him in the end. He drank far too much and took too many drugs and so on and then ended up in a weird almost sex free relationship with someone 22 years younger. The weekend I met DH he was there, it was a 'party that wasn't a party, it was just drinks' which lasted two days.
The Monday after this 'party' I met S in the pub where DH was picking me up (in his Porsche as it happened, but I didn't know this at the time) and S made some silly comment about how he could now see why I was meeting DH (although, obviously, he wasn't DH at the time!) However, DH is still going on about this as if it was the epitome of rudeness.

I love S a lot. I don't fancy him at all but I love him, his friendship, and he is a MASSIVE part of my life. And always will be - my mum has said the same.

Not sure why I gave you an edited autobiography but thought I will. Think it's helping me.

There is loads more I ought to add to paint a full pic but will leave it as not sure if it's either needed or appropriate.

Bugger. You must have either shown him the text or at least told him what it said. Two options:

1. Ignore the issue, dont respond if DH mentions it again.

1. Be really open and talk to DH about it, with usual reassurances and being light hearted etc etc.

After all, nothing has happened, you havent done anything, it was S that sent the text, and (bless you) you actually showed it to DH. Hardly the actions of someone on the verge of an affair, I would have thought?

was in the front room watching the tv with DH and that JL ad came on. DH then said, semi sarcastically, 'oh look, it's you and S's favourite ad'.

What the did I say or do on Friday night when pissed? I have a horrid feeling I showed DH the text from S, which, now sober, isn't great. At all. I know DH finds mine and S's relationship a bit weird as he cannot relate to it - he has never remained friends, very good friends, with an 'ex' (I hate that term, by the way) - but I have never acted any differently about S in front of S as there isn't really anything to hide. It would seem more underhand, in my opinion, if I did behave differently. It's his problem not mine surely? But, I don't want it to be an issue either.

Feel a bit weird.

No. If it was from that website I would be ignoring you. However, as you are human and hence writing a report, I don't think the scenario's from the website can apply to you.

Is that a technique from the website

Alright, alright, Im doing it, mutter mutter....

GET ON WITH IT HP AND THEN YOUR TIME IS YOUR OWN.

Oooh, get me being so stern!

SeaGreen we based the majority of our training on this lady. A lot of people have mentioned the Dog Listener man to me as well, but, just watching one episode, I found him far too Americanized and cheesy - or at least the programme was.

Very true. My attention span is approx 0.87 milliseconds at the moment as well.

Ooo, a butterfly

Boring things always do. They'd be less boring if they were interesting.

This report is taking three times longer than it should

I am a bit curious too, if not bordering on worry. That's the problem with this regular posting business, when someone doesn't it seems cause for concern.

YTD, just wanted to say that I hope you're okay one way or another. x

Shit. Not YST, clearly. Im an idiot.

Also, I have been stalking checking up on YST. She posted on Thursday 22nd that the scan was the next Thursday, but then didnt mention it in her post on here on Thursday night, And I checked out the 'First Time Frolickers Grads' thread, and they are starting to wonder where she is as well. I hope everything is ok.

Just FYI, I dont usually stalk people around MN! You are all free to come as go as the mood takes you without me donning my night-vision googles and black stake-out outfit. Just a leetle bit concerned that YTD is ok.

LST, thats really great news! Keep growing, little double yolkers!

Well. Im back doing my report, hopefully for the final time.

Bloody brilliant news! Delighted to hear it, LST!

SeaGreen, went to bed at the pathetically early time of 9.30 last night so didn't see your posts from last night till now. Bit busy at the moment (actually only logged on to see if there was any news from LST) but will be on-line most of this evening so will post any interesting dog stuff if I can remember or locate it.

Re the abuse cases, please don't tell me any more as I find stuff like that too much and can't get it out my head for days. Thanks!

5 pre-embryos still alive! So they're going to risk taking them to blastocyst. Embryo transfer probably Weds (all being well). xx

confused do paste dog stuff if interesting!

heard about two abuse incidents recently that made my blood boil.

oh jeez just saw that! thank GOD. i could never have lived that down on facebook!!!