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Conception

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Original poster

coming to terms with stopping TTC after MC - lets support each other

29 replies

SarahMumtoAlex · 16/02/2010 10:13

Well, I don't know if there is anyone to join, but I'm hoping I won't be alone. I have a lovely DS who's 4 in April, and have been trying for a second for just under two years. I've had two miscarriages, concieved both times after about 6 months of trying. Now just finishing my 5th month after last mc. I'm 44. Between worrying that fertility and viability will only get worse with time, and finding the monthly disappointment crushing and reopening the wounds of mc, I don't know how much longer I can go on.

I haven't stopped yet, but I often like to try and come to terms with things in advance if I can.

I find that the idea of stopping trying casts a different kind of light on the grief of the mc's - I can't even write it yet. But I know that the pain of trying is getting too much.

So there I am. Anyone else in the same or similar boat and want support through this time?

OP posts:
DawnAS · 17/02/2010 16:34

SarahMumtoAlex, I am not quite in the same situation as you. I had one MC before conceiving my DD who is coming up for 9 months old. But for me, she is going to be an only-child aswell and that makes me sad.

My PG and Labour with her was traumatic and following it, I said that I would never have another child. As often happens though, the memories of the bad times fade and I now desperately want another child. But DH definitely doesn't. He didn't really want any in the first place, although he loves DD, but having her has just cemented his feelings that he doesn't want anymore and that he really only had her because I so desperately wanted to be a Mum.

Also like you, I'm grateful that I have had her, but I am also very sad to know that I won't be having anymore. I am nearly 36 and so time isn't really on my side either.

It is good that you have a plan and a timescale and although it is incredibly sad for you, at least there is a slight pain relief for your monthly emotional suffering on the horizon, even though the pain may never truly go away.

Good luck with it all. xxx

Original poster
SarahMumtoAlex · 17/02/2010 09:51

So I talked it through with a good RL friend last night and decided that I would give it till July when we're back from a big trip abroad, not tangled up with any birthdays and will ahve been trying for two years. If nothing by then I'll have a coil fitted again to stop me obsessing every month. Feel a bit better to have a specific date to work towards, but thinking of the reality is also daunting. I loved DS being little so much, it will feel hard to give up that possibility again. Of course I'm spoiled in having had one, and I know we can be a happy family as we are, but just trying to articulate the losses involved in saying 'I can't'

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahMumtoAlex · 16/02/2010 10:32

Hi DuellingFanjo Thanks for joining me. its such an ambivalent place to be isn't it? I really hope your IVF goes well, but I know how it is when you have to see the end of it as well. And there's so much 'you must be positive' nonsense around, it doesn't leave room for the reality of that ambivalence.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 16/02/2010 10:28

Hi there, I am interested in this thread as I am having one shot at IVF and then I think I will have to start coming to terms with not being able to have kids.

Didn't want you to go unanswered. So sorry to hear about your miscarriages.

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