Morning all.. Weeble here.. Thanks for all being lovely.. Im a right old state after saturday night, it was so traumatic scary & horrible, its taken me right back after daring to feel nearly brave last week.. Of course most importantly thank god little baby hopeful is ok, but that fear of phoning the number in the maternity notes for 'bleeding over 20 weeks - contact delivery suite immediately' & hearing the midwife say 'oh you had better come in right away so we can check you over' left me a sobbing mess expecting the worse, not knowing whether to pack a bag, digging out sanitary towels that Id hoped not to see again for a long time, knowing that just 3 weeks would make all the difference.. Not knowing when we'd be back home & worrying that the bedding was still in the wash if DH had to come home on his own, the thoughts that go through your head are crazy.. Mainly I just kept thinking if only I was 23/24 weeks..
Anyway we got a cab there & it was so eerie being there so late at night, I felt sick walking through the doors to the delivery suite & could hear little newborn crys, the waiting room had a few happy looking men in watching match of the day & when I walked to the desk all the lovely midwifes looked really concerned & were like 'oh this is the 20 weeker'. I kept saying to DH please let this be like a trial run & let us be able to come back in a few months time for real! Poor wonderful DH was trying to be brave but was s*ing himself like I was, he was amazing as always.. Anyway it was all very quick & they got me in an assesment room & had a feel & listened to a nice strong heartbeat & told me the funny doof sounds were kicks, I was sobbing my eyes out by then after holding it together in the cab & the lovely midwife grabbed my hand & said 'Daddy come over here' where he was sitting in the chair head in hands and he grabbed my other hand & we just cried with relief, she said fundus was perfect for dates, but then obviously they needed to do an internal to see what caused the little bleed, a registrar under my consultant came in & they had to do a speculum thing, poor DH was a bit freaked as they used one with my 1st horrific mc, thats when they said about it being Cervical erosion, which is apparently when the cells grow differently and are inflammed, rough & red, (cue more freaking as had pre cancerous cells removed a few years ago) they assured me its pregnancy related triggered by hormone changes & can affect 1 in 5 pregnancies with no direct harm to baby. They said my cervix was closed & cervix was still nice & long about 4cm thank god. I did have a clear smear just before we fell preg so they said should be ok, but did say there was alot of discharge, which can be a symptom of cervical erosion, but could be just thrush, or an infection, so they took swabs to send to lab.. After the relief of heartbeat, this all freaked me out again, they did say that small bleeds (mainly just when wiping) are triggered by sex or a knock, or straining (lifting etc). DH & I were told to avoid sex for first 12 wks & didnt dare til about 16/17wks after cons convinced us it would be ok, even then, when we have done it (tmi but..) he doesnt go in all the way & pulls out at the crucial time . We did do it on sat morning though so they reckoned that could be it & told us to avoid it for about 3 weeks.. They said its like having a cut on your finger, it wont affect the baby, but obvioulsy its so close to that area so it will be a worry, due to history they could keep me in overnight for obs, but as so anxious maybe a good sleep in own bed would be better as in her words 'theres nothing we could do at 20 wks anyway' . As the panic filled my face she did reassure again that there was no sign of mc or threatened mc, but didnt need to hear that! They did say go home as only 10 mins away, stay in bed for a few days, take it very easy, dont go to work etc, call in or come back if bleeding gets worse.. All the while thankfully, baby has been fluttering away so although reassuring, Im also jumping a little as freaked & very conscious of any feelings in my tummy.. They also said that the speculum could cause more spotting & have felt a bit sore from it as well, so thats been wierd... We got home just after midnight & I must say they were brilliant & so reassuring to know they are on hand like that, however it has left me a freaked out vulnerable feeling mess..
Im back to doing everything in slow motion snails pace, Im scared to blow my nose/cough/poo for fear of straining. Im walking on tip toes, spent sat night scared to go loo for fear of what I may see.. All pinkish stuff now stopped but realised that this discharge is actually very thick & thrush like so am now worried about results of swabs (should be by tomorrow). Spent yesterday very teary & scared to move, DH as usual just wonderful, was gutted as was FIL & nieces birthday & was meant to on big family meal to TGI & couldnt go, MIL was understandably worried & cried on her shoulder when the popped in. My poor mum was worried for us but so glad my sis is still there (who's all matter of fact & oh you'll be fine, just doesnt get the trauma & 10 steps back feeling, which is what my mum & MIL are sad for me for, we know baby is ok & thanking god for it, but doesnt take away how bloody shook up its made me). Was enjoying being back at work, was meant to get hair done today, & not even sure if gonna go to Auntys funeral now as its 10am weds & about an hour away so an early start . TBH I just want to stay in bed til June, or at least til Im 24 28wks..
Anyway, sorry for the waffle, just needed to share.. Im now paranoid have sat upright for too long so going to lie down, I keep feeling all dizzy..
Ill catch up with you individually ASAP - love to everyone xxxxx