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Conception

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Original poster

30s TTC - We BESH you a Merry Jizzmas and a droid-free new year!

998 replies

CurlyCasper · 22/12/2009 10:21

Come in, come in. The wine is mulling, the bird is stuffed and cooked. We have a huge table at which to enjoy our festive feast, and the rippling Ricky Whittle is the centrepiece, draped in berries to be removed by whatever method you choose.

A bottle of Gin and an elf-man in a box awaits each and every one of you. Just make your wish and when you undo the bow he will appear.

There's a nativity tableau in the corner, for praying to the baybee Jebus and, most importantly of all, Santa has been asked to deliver the gift of exceptional fertility, so that each and every BESH can enter the new year with a baybeeee in their tum tum.

Oh, and I've let a few cats in to aid with the 2WOOFL menkulness.

Now, let's get together and get the tree up!

OP posts:
Scorpette · 07/01/2010 18:05

Well, obviously I'm a virgin as I'm not married to TYF.
Trufax: my Mum is a retired counsellor and she once dealt with a young born-again Christian couple who were very upset over a year of babyfail. Upon delicate probing (not like that) into their sex life she found out that they were so sheltered that the only thing they knew about sex was the euphemism 'sleeping together'. And so naive that that's all they were doing - they genuinely thought that just by being in a bed together, ver laydee would get preggo*. Another reason to be a filthy Atheist slaaaaaaaaaaag

I don't like want teh BUMSEX. Apart from Mr Midnight Anal-Intruder, all my boyfriends have thought the idea vile too. It doesn't make me weird to not want a cock up me ringpiece. I like tofu, but I don't expect everyone else to like it.

Yes, tofu. Deal with it!

Yep, reet chuffed about the Dr's appointment - the receptionist was new and just booked me in without making me speak to a Dr first, bwahahaha. And by sheer luck, the Dr she's booked me into is a fellow BESH and well-known for being v helpful with all fings baybee- and TTc-related.

Am OVing but feel all depressed 'n' shit because I just 'know' my gusset will be wondering if it's ever seen a panther that pink in less than a fortnight's time

*After having the basics explained to them, they went on to have several kids in quick succession. Go MamanDeScorp!

VoilaAnotherGimlet · 07/01/2010 17:34

or both

CUNextTuesday · 07/01/2010 17:33

or constipated

VoilaAnotherGimlet · 07/01/2010 17:15

or have piles

skihorse · 07/01/2010 17:07

Polly my fudgey friend - I cannot believe for one second that you and I are the only bumlove explorers! They're all lying. Or virgins.

VoilaAnotherGimlet · 07/01/2010 17:07

ps Muser - saw your post then forgot to reply. I'm a couple of days away from druid (if he wafts by at the right time and doesn't wait for 42 days...) I have zero real symptoms, only the ones I got last month (sore norks, spots, heaviness indicating imminent arrival). I also have fake symptoms I have all the time (clumsy, weep at anything, tired all the time). It's a total arse. You get to the stage where you want the druid to arrive just so you can get on with the next month, you're so sure you are alone in your skin.

It all sucks. But at least we're in it together It's warm in the Palace at least - I lit a fire made of all the baby announcements I've received.

VoilaAnotherGimlet · 07/01/2010 14:15

Yay Scorps! About time too!

Bumsex tales - er, thanks for sharing all that ladies!

Camelobrooch don't feel like a fraud - as someone in work not looking forward to the "same number of people stuffed onto fewer trains" commute I salute you for staying home and being one less body I have to push out of the way deal with on my way home tonight.

idealcamel · 07/01/2010 13:37

Yay! Well done, scorps.

Am "working" from home. But there is no snow, and I feel like a fraud...

iggypiggy · 07/01/2010 13:18

Yay for scropy

Cosmosis · 07/01/2010 12:59

hurrah scorps!!!!

Original poster
CurlyCasper · 07/01/2010 10:48

excellent news scorps! Another woooo hooo from this end

OP posts:
CUNextTuesday · 07/01/2010 10:46

WooHoo!!!!!!!!!!! did you sock it to the receptionist concerned?

Scorpette · 07/01/2010 10:44

WOOHOO! Have got Dr's appointment and D21 blood tests booked for next Wednesday! Cue patronising crap about 'just relaxing' and not indulging in BUMSEX

CUNextTuesday · 07/01/2010 10:38

My boss has just bought me a chunky kitkat

caspar I recommend poppers, but you may have to check with the midwife if they cross the placenta

queenrollo · 07/01/2010 10:20

i just sat down with a nice cup of tea and a slice of Christmas cake to see what's been going on in here.

I'd like to put on an innocent face and use this smiley but i can't. I (among friends) spent the summer perfecting the rules of porn bingo. However due to alcohol consumption the rules have largely been forgotten.

Original poster
CurlyCasper · 07/01/2010 10:02

Fudgepackers????? PMSL!

(My bum hurts too much for this conversation. And no, I've not been having bumsex, just constipated...)

OP posts:
iggypiggy · 07/01/2010 09:26

Morning fudgepackers!

Yes Polly am pleased at the level of BUMSEX info/ chat

Ocarina · 07/01/2010 08:30

Must try harder at the cradle-snatching..... (19!!!!! I knew he was younger, but he's less than half her age )

Scorpette · 07/01/2010 01:16

Gah! Sam Taylor Wood is making me and Ski look like rank amateurs!

Muser · 06/01/2010 23:11

Is anyone else heartily sick of that Portland Hospital advert?

I hate this waiting period. Waiting for my period to come. I'd symptom spot but there are no symptoms to spot. I have spent the evening looking at the local cat rescue site, I may just get kittens instead.

It's bloody freezing as well! The cats have decided snow is evil and are spending all day under the radiator. Wish I could do that.

CUNextTuesday · 06/01/2010 21:13

Doubt it - I imagine if they have read through the threads already they are secret lovers of a stroll down the bourneville boulevard...

PollyPoo · 06/01/2010 21:10

Surely not - they must realise we are all about the gin/violence/lesbot action/bumsex? We are Barren Evil Selfish Hags after all. Oh and of course there is the TTC....

Glad we have provided entertainment Cameltoe.

idealcamel · 06/01/2010 21:02

Dear God. That's probably more than I ever needed to know about BUMSEX. Although have been very amused by the discussion.

Suspect you raucous lot have scared off the newbs with your filth, mind you.

PollyPoo · 06/01/2010 20:47

Enough bumsex talk for you Iggs?

CUNextTuesday · 06/01/2010 19:34

Yeah it ain't no good if it don't tickle the back of your throat