One-tubers TTC again....

Hello,

Thanks for the welcome and good to hear you're both keeping on going and will hang around for a while.

I've spent nearly the whole day waiting at the GP's surgery and then back at the hospital where I had my op. Turns out to be a waste of time but ever since the shock of the ep I feel like I can't take any chances, whereas in the past I would have just left it for longer to see if I felt better.

On friday I started to get abdominal pain again. It reminded me of the ep pain, but also of the ovulation pain I've started to get since having my DS 2 years ago. So I hoped it was ov pain but it kept going and getting worse, particularly last night when it was quite sore.

The doctors all just looked a bit blank but I guess that was reassuring in that there wasn't anything bad they could think of.

Of course I now realise I should have asked on here first!

Hi all,

I'm away at my mum's having some r&r but couldn't resist logging on.

Appleton hope I've got the right Monday this time & all went swimmingly?

Scrum really great to hear from you, I've been thinking about you loads too. It sounds like you are doing well and great that you are thinking about the future too with the ivf. I had a rush of excitement when I read about your plans, I will be keeping everything so tighly crossed for you. I'm totally with you, I can't quite give up either - you worded it perfectly, I need to know that I tried everything too. We are going to try again, although I'm absolutely TERRIFIED!!!!! I think we'll wait til August, this MC has knocked the s**t out of me health wise so I am throwing all my energy into reparing myself before we start again. Seeing as we are also going to the expense of the private testing, we might as well wait until we've got the results from that first. I appreciate what you are saying about the thread being about TTC, if you'd like to email me directly at any time for mutual support, please feel free - like you say we're threding similar paths.

Hope everyone else is doing well & enjoying this amazing heatwave. Sunshine is defintely what the doctor ordered - life just seems a whole lot easier when the sky is blue!

love to all. xx

Hello Ladies

Welcome to DameGladys. So sorry to hear about your EP. Mine was in October last year and I remember the awful few weeks afterwards so hope you are doing OK - as Edwina and Appleton have said you are in the right place and as you can see we have some lovely success stories and some proof of ability to conceive in a shortish time with one tube stories (even if they ended very sadly).

I wanted to come on here to say hello to new and old friends as you have been so supportive I didn't want to go too quiet on you. However, I think this thread should broadly be focusing on TTC with one tube and not me having venting my sadness and heartbreak about recent events too much...if anyone is interested I have been posting over on Antenatal Choices under Women who have chosen to terminate after abnormalities V which has been helpful in terms of venting feelings and also getting perspective as there are so many people even worse of but I will also continue to post on this thread as I am a one tuber and (drum roll) we are ploughing ahead and starting to TTC again. Actually we are doing it with a vengeance as because of my age (and it took a year to conceive the EP) we are going straight to IVF which gives us the best statistical chance of conceiving. I was lucky enough to get a cancellation appointment last week and if all goes well we should be starting on my next period. Its still only a 20-30% chance (over 3 cycles) of a baby but my odds naturally are 5% each cycle so we are going to go for it. Its slightly cheaper over here in Australia then in the UK but still quite daunting but I feel that even if we end up being unsuccessful I want to know that I did everything I could do to make it work. So. That's me. Keep your fingers crossed for us. Part of me thinks gosh we have had such bad luck then surely this will work and the other part said that is what everyone one said before the 12 week scan and dice have no memory so terrified it won't work and also terrified it will work and will have an EP, MC or abnormalities again. Although I keep telling myself that you have to be in the game to win it. Terrified though.

Hope everyone else is doing OK. Edwina I think of you often and with empathy. Even though our pregnancies ended differently, we both thought that at 12 weeks we were leaving our appointments with good news and would soon have a baby so I feel that we are on the same horrible path at the moment.

Spk soon, good luck for those that need it, hugs to those that need them and excitment cheers for those that need them x

Hello damegladys. Sorry you have to come here, but glad to have you! I lost my left tube, too, but I can honestly say I haven't missed it so far!

It is lovely to have this thread, especially right after an EP, to try and get some handle on wtf it all means - I had absolutely no clue about chances of conceiving after EP when I had mine (never thought it would happen to me!), but being here was really great, both in terms of support from the regular ladies, and all the random people dropping in to say it hadn't had any effect on their fertility. I hope you find it helpful, too.

I need to get better at writing future dates on this thread - that's the second time people think my scan is a week earlier than it is! My scan is Monday 24th May, in the afternoon. I'll definitely report back as soon as I can afterwards.

I hope everyone is having a good week. DH has just started a new job, which means he has to leave the house at 6.30am - and I have to get DD up, ready (not easy as she doesn't like getting dressed), take her in the pushchair to nursery and then on to the train station to get my train into London to start work at 9am! He only started yesterday, and I'm shattered already! I got too used to being driven to the station in the morning. But, we need him to have a permanent job for when I go on mat leave, so fingers crossed this becomes long term (he works as a labourer, so generally only has a job for about 2 weeks, not good for financial planning!).

Right, better take myself off to bed as yet again I'm shattered, and snapping at DH!

Thanks for the welcome edwina, much appreciated.

Everyone around me is pregnant (exaggeration? possibly) so I know how you feel BBE. Well done.

A warm welcome DameGladys! Sorry to hear about your EP, pretty grim aren't they? You are in good company here though, we all understand what a tough time it is.

BBE Well done you!! That's a brave thing you did today, it's so hard but brilliant that you enjoyed seeing her. I was exactly the same before I had DS (I had 2 MCs before him) I found it way too painful to see pg friends but I try and approach things differently now. It's so uplifting to face your fear and survive and actually enjoy the experience! Good luck with the acupuncture - I had a session this morning and just find it brilliant!

Appleton How did you get on hun? Have been thinking of you too.

scrum Just sending love..... xx

Hi All,
After reading your thread I thought I would be brave and see one of my friends who has recently announced she is pregnant-I hate to admit I'd been avoiding her. I met her for a coffee today and it was really lovely to see her. I'm really proud of myself-I know it seems silly but a couple of months ago I would have had to run home and cried for an hour afterwards. So a positive day for me.

Appleton hope the scan went ok-I've been thinking of you.

edwinak thanks for the advice on acupuncture I will see if I can find someone local and give it a go-anything is worth a try eh? Hope your enjoying your rural fresh air-you've certainly chosen the right weather!!

scrum hope your feeling a little less sad-the best advice I had is baby steps-its so easy to just want to tell yourself to pull yourself together but its better to heal and that rtakes time. Thinking of you.

Hello everyone!

I've been reading this thread but didn't like to butt in while two of you were having such awful experiences. I see that BBE has joined you so thought I might keep her company too.

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through scrum and edwina.

My ep was discovered about 2.5 weeks ago now so still very recent. I had the left tube removed during the operation so am now a fully fledged one-tuber. (I was the one who was influenced to go and get it checked out because of SpookyCharlotte's thread if any of you saw that, though I namechange a lot.)

I'm obviously not ttc just yet but it's nice to be in a place where others have been through the same.

Hi all - thanks to you all for your support, just to know you are all out there is so comforting. This thread has been such a life-line, firstly in facing getting pg after EP and secondly in these last few difficult weeks.

I think we should make a pact that no one is allowed to feel bad about what they post! I for one, rejoice at happy stories on this thread because they give us all hope and I genuinely love hearing how everyone's getting on and equally no one should feel bad about posting if they are feeling low. Ultimately, we all searched out this thread because we needed the support of others who understood.

Scrum I'm glad this week is a bit better for you hun. As you said, we are at the rough end of the stats, I think Appleton put it brilliantly when she said that mother nature doesn't take in to account previous crap when dishing out more - so true!

BBE It is hard to keep the faith, goodness knows, I've found it a struggle but I find I just have to force myself otherwise the misery just creeps into so many other areas of your life which is just horrible. I probably sound like a stuck record, as I recommend this to everyone but have you tried acupuncture? I find it amazing and such a positive thing to do, there has been lots of research done in sweden that has found that it helps your ovaries release better quality & fully matured eggs. Anyway, something to think about.

Appleton Thanks for your lovely words and your amazing empathy. Keeping my fingers crossed for your scan tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you & I'm sure it'll be fine. Will you post & let us know how it went?

I have been worrying about age gaps too, DS will be 2 next month and was also when my EP would have been due, now I think I'll be lucky if I achieve another pregnancy but at best it'll be 3yrs as I think I'm going to give myself a bit of time off. My counsellor has been telling me off for worrying about that though so am trying to let go f that. I'm physically feeling a bit better than last week. I felt dreadful, just absolutely exhausted. I had an acupuncture session and have started taking some iron tonic I was recommended and have started to feel a bit better. Emotionally I'm still battered & bruised, sometimes I think I'm completely numb still and other times I feel l like I've moved on a bit - so hard to know when you're in the middle of it. I have taken next week of work and am going to stay with my mum for a week and gets lots of sleep and country air - I can't wait!

I just wanted to add my welcome BBE. I was the one who was told at my early scan that I had ovulated from the "tube-less" side, so it is definitely possible.

I also understand the worry that the age gap is bigger than you would have liked - I remember writing a post on this thread just before I got pregnant really upset because things weren't going to "plan". My DD will be 2.5 when the next one arrives (fingers crossed!) and the extra few months now seem so un-important. I'm sure whatever age gap you end up with, it will have its good points - and scrum's advice is fantastic.

At this point, I have to say hello to scrum and edwina. I hope things are OK for you both. I think about this thread a lot, and it breaks my heart to know what you've been through, but I have everything crossed that things will turn around for you both soon. It's testament to what amazing ladies you are that even in this horrible phase of life you take the time to re-assure and welcome newcomers!

scrum, I echo edwina's advice to have a fantastic birthday, despite the circumstances. Here's hoping that the fresh new decade will mean everything turns for the better.

edwina I hope the wait for those blood results isn't too nerve-wracking, and that they give some answers.

As for me, things are fine. We're slowly settling in to the new house (still surrounded by boxes though!). DD just turned 2, and has started having proper tantrums - I thought she used to have them, but these are a whole new level! We have avoided too many in public so far, but I'm sure they're coming. I think she's waiting until I'm too big to be able to deal with her properly! I'll be 20 weeks on Wednesday - I have my anomoly scan a week tomorrow, so have now started worrying about that.

It feels strange to be writing about my pregnancy when others on the thread have been through so much recently. It seems so unfair that nature doesn't take account of all the crap you've had to deal with before when handing out more crap! Here's hoping that a few months from now the thread will be full of good news - I don't know a bunch of people who deserve it more!

Thank you for your wise words. I must say keeping the faith was one thing I really struggled with. I've always been an optimist-sometimes irritatingly so I'm sure, yet I found that after my EP i had become a real pessimist.But after reading what all you guys have said and despite some of the sadness you have experienced I, for the first time in sometime, feel positive. Like it could happen for me-who knows my pessimism may have been holding me back.

I was so sorry to read about you Edwina and Scrumdidlyumptious-I cannot imagine how devastating your experiences must have been-it seems so cruel after what you have been through already. Hopefully we can all be here to support each other through the dark times and carry each other towards the good.

Hi BBE

Welcome! Its always a bit sad to welcome someone to a thread which by its nature means people have been through the mill again but as Edwina eloquently says we have all been though it and many like (touch wood) Boodle and Appleton have been through the otherside. Even though its raw for Edwina and I, we do prove that you CAN get pregnant with one tube and whilst we were unlucky you should take some comfort from that.

In terms of the tube/ovary thing, it was explained to me that when you see a diagram of the ovaries and tubes it all looks v. separate but in reality is much more "mashed" together so not that difficult to for the egg to go down the 'wrong' tube. It happened to one of the girls on the thread (I think Appleton) and the ultrasound lady when I had my 6 week scan said she had seen lots of examples (although I was a same sider for my previous pregnancy).

The good news is that you have lots of time and are already seeing a specialist which is a positive step. I totally sympathise though with the changing idea you have of your family in terms of the larger age gap....i feel the same and have to take on board the fact that I am nearly 40 so may not happen again BUT my lovely (not official) brother in law came to see me on Saturday and he (who has one child via ivf after lots of problems with his previous wife) said something which resonated. He said that whatever the vision of our lives that we have in our heads, life rarely corresponds exactly and what we make of the cards that are dealt to us defines us and makes us who we are. SO, I am sure you will have another child and am sure that whatever age gap there is it will turn out to be the making of your family. And that goes for all of us!

As for me, I am still devastated and sad but better than a week ago so I, for the first time, have hope that we will get through this awful time. I also hope that horrible and heartbreaking as it is, Edwina and I have born the statistical bad news for this thread and we will all go on to good news stories.

As Edwina said, Keep the Faith xxx

BBE Feel free to share here. What is also useful is that between us we have all seen different doctors & heard lots of opinions so there's lots of info here. Like I said, we all understand what everyone's going through - you're not alone here.

I mean

I mean

Edwina I cannot begin to tell you how good it is to hear all of that. I have felt so alone for what feels like a really long time. Its hard when you don't want to burden people with your sadness but are desperate to have someone to talk to. Thank you (smile)

BBE Welcome! You in the right place, we all know a lot about EPs here! If you have read the whole thread you'll know that the success rate is very good although a couple of us have had some bad luck lately. The egg jumping can certainly happen, someone on this thread has definitely achieved it. The way someone explained it to me was that the fallopian tubes kind of 'waft' in the direction of the egg so if you are missing a tube, the other one will simply(!!) 'waft' over and collect the egg - sounds incredible doesn't it?! What is lovely about this thread is that everyone understands what it is like to experience an EP; how scary the onward journey is, how brilliant good news is and how devastating bad news is - we all understand what it means. The fertility specialist can only be a good move - I am also seeing one at the moment too. If they find something, you can be helped & if they can't, you'll feel very reassured. I"m sure the specialist will tell you that the fact that you already have a DS is very positive. Keep faith. xx

Hi me again, I've just been through and read all the treads and I'm am overwhelmed by the mix of ups and downs you have all been through. Life can be such a s88t sometimes and it can leave some people so bitter-yet you all seem such nice warm people who are able to offer support to others when you are going through such turmoil yourselves. Without wanting to sound too corny as I don't know any of you, but I am amazed at what wonderful and resiliant women you are.

Hi Guys,
I'm a fellow one tuber and have been trying unsuccessfully for 18 months now-I have just had a referral from my GP to a fertility specialist and I'm so anxious about what this will mean. I had my ectopic in Nov 2009 and we have a little boy who is three-didn't want this much of an age gap.

I'm really interested in the idea of eggs jumping from the side with no tube to the good side-the doc told me about it in hospital but no one has been able to confirm it since.

I'm only 26 so do feel we have a bit of time to dedicate to this but I'm so desperate for another baby and EVERYONE is pregnmant-I feel like I survive one only for someone else to announce their good news. Help. x

Scrum - What a horrible, horrible time, I feel desperate for you. I know exactly what you mean by that feeling that everything is over & back to normal, except you are no longer pregnant. I am feeling that very much at the moment & weirdly am finding it one of the hardest parts; I got through the diagnosis, the op, the week off work, the return to work, the consultants appt... and now what??? It feels very quiet all of a sudden & I also feel absolutely exhausted. Crying is good though, I feel like I cry constantly which is awful, it feels like it's a well that just keeps on refilling but I know from previous experience that it's the healthy thing to do, I need to express my grief. I really hope you are planning to celebrate your 40th honey, if only to stick 2 fingers up at this shitty time & grab back some happiness. If you can, try & put aside everything else that's going on at the moment just for one day & do something amazing & memorable, create some happy memories for all of you - you deserve it. It probably feels like the last thing you want to do but when you look back in 5 or 10 years time, I'm sure you'll be glad you did. xx

We had the bloods taken for our chromosomes tests on Sat - we should get the results in 2 weeks, gulp! I also started the counselling, it was quite weird pouring my heart out to a complete stranger at first & of course I couldn't control the waterworks but the 50 mins went so fast. She has signed me up for course of 6 sessions, she must think I'm a real head case!

Anyway, lots of love to all you ladies, bumps & extra big hug to you scrum

Hey Girls

Everyone has been so supportive so figured should give you an update although was trying to wait until I was more positive but that doesn't seem like its any day soon.

I don't think anyone would deal with things like this that 'well' but I don't think I am coping all that well. I was in hospital ending the pregnancy last Wednesday & am now in that dreadful 'after the funeral' period when everything is back to normal but i'm not pregnant anymore, hormones are going insane and I'm not sure how much more I can cry. To echo something Edwina said the happiness of the last few months seem like some kind of dream now. Was I really pregnant? Did I see the baby wriggling around on scans? was I really that happy? It seems a lifetime ago. I know that time will help but wish I could fall into some kind of movie montage and wake up 6 months later. Anyway, thats me and not helped by the fact it is my 40th birthday in two weeks which was also the date that my ectopic pregnancy would have been due. The joy!

Anyway, genuine good luck to all those trying and to those pregnant. You should be sharing your good news so please no one feel bad. I dare to dream that I may be sharing good news in the future so keep dreaming ladies.

Lots of love
Sue

PS thinking of you lots Edwina as we are on parallel tracks xxx

I haven't been around lately as we just moved house and getting our broadband working has been an interesting challenge.

scrum I just want to send you the biggest hug ever. Words completely fail me as to how shitty life can be sometimes. Thinking of you x

Hi Edwina, yes, it is far too much bad luck . Glad he is still running the tests as at least I guess it may give you some sort of reassurance if they don't find anything and it makes you feel like you are doing something about it all. But I guess its very hard to look to the future right now and it's so hard feeling so sad day in day out, isn't it? Glad your DS is helping keep life worth living. Hang in there x

Hi Ladies

Well done boodle as lilysma said - it's great to hear some good news. Hope the fibroid behaves itself and doesn't cause you any probs.

I am ok, well ok in that I'm back at work and life is continuing fairly normally. I am still desperately sad, it feels like a dream that I was ever pregnant but it's not even a fortnight since that dreaded scan yet - it feels like a lifetime ago. DS is so gorgeous at the moment though so he is helping to keep my spirits up.

Lilysma - interesting to hear about the BF effecting endometrium, I guess that makes sense. The meeting with the consultant went ok. He said that his instinct is to run the tests but he doesn't expect to find anything as in his opinion, my history is a random set of events. He thinks it's bad luck - an awful lot of bad luck in my book! I asked him about BF and EP and he also said there was no link. I forgot to ask him about EP risk factors once you've had one but will ask at the next appt. We have decided to continue with the private route just because it's so much quicker so no nice holidays for us this year!!! We can have the chromosome tests done immediately but the others have to wait until my period comes back.

Scrum - sending much love & thinking of you.

Edwina

Edwina and Boodle I have just realised I didn't answer your questions, so here goes.

Edwina, the consultant said the BF affects the endometrium (sp?) so that it is not as well prepared for implantation and that it is probably what is causing my pre-menstrual spotting (for up to 5 days before AF arrives). This seems to be controversial from what I've read, but everything I've read suggests that once implantation has taken place BF should not affect the foetus, so as I understand it, it's unlikely that it could have caused your EP. Did your consultant shed any light on your recent loss for you today?

Boodlebot, we have decided to give it six months as suggested by the consultant and then reappraise. We could afford to do IVF with savings and it would be worth it if it worked! But DH is paranoid about having twins. We really want two kids, not three! When they did the laproscopy they said they couldn't see any damage to either of my tubes. So why it happened is a bit of a mystery...