Emmsy's weebles continue to grow.. Onwards & upwards

Quick one to say big hugs to mls sorry to hear of the chem preg give ur body & mind time to heal, go easy on urself.. Really glad u got ur tests rolling.. Special thanks to blue neeko cupcake & mermaid for ur warm kind words on my brothers anniversary yest, still cant believe its 12yrs since he died, miss him lots.. Wonderful dh the only man left in my life now.. Mum superstrong as always, she is my inspiration! Was a peaceful time at cemetary.. Thanks again for ur thoughts.. Hope everyone has a good weekend x x x

mls just a quick post to say am thinking of you xxx

Hey MLS just came on for a quick lurk to catch up but had to post you a big hug. I'm so sorry and not surprised you are fed up and your head is a mess. It definitely sounds like a chemical pregnancy I think I had one too just before getting pregnant this time. It's just not fair, you have been through enough this year. I guess you are back in the 2ww now so I am keeping everything crossed for you and jools and the other small and pantless panters. btw you don't sound like a loony at all. Or if you do, then we're all loonies on here. It will happen for you honey. If it helps to speak to the consultant about clomid, then do it, and drink lots of grapefruit juice and make sure you have a practice session beforehand to freshen up his swimmers, and do whatever it takes to give you some control back, because one of the worst things about the horrible wait to conceive is this feeling of helplessness It really felt like that for me before I got pregnant this time and after 8 months and feeling very left behind I thought it would never happen. Well I'm not there yet but I'm getting there and it was worth the wait. It will happen for you, I'm sure of it. And that will be such a happy day on this thread because we are all rooting for you xxxx

Big waves to vjay and neeko I've missed you lots and will catch up properly very soon. I so love hearing about young ajay, our first emmsys miracle baby. We all worried so much in the early days and yet here he is

Right there with you mls, emmsys saved me from the nut house.

neeko get some rest xx

Neeko you & everyone else on here are all my councillors, seriously I'd be in the loony bin if it hadn't been for you lot.

MLS I'm convinced it was a chem pg as you know the difference between a line and an evap line. My chem pg was the month before this BFP too, if that helps. xx

You don't sound like a nutter at all . It does sound like you had a cp, I'm so sorry. I think jools had one a while ago. My step sis had one then got pg after that.
The thing is you know you can get pregnant and carry a child to full term, so chances are you can do it again, that is one of the thoughts that kept me going. Just wish there were answers as to why it doesn't work sometimes, that would make it easier to understand it all.

Hi all. Was only planning on lurking to catch up but have to send MLS a huge hug and tentatively suggest that you should consider some RL counselling. I'm very worried about you right now.

4ever Just texted but glad to know you've gotten through today. With you, as always, for Monday and hope you feel the sense of achievement that Monday should bring. Thanks for thinking of DH.

Nice to "see" Lion and MM back on here.

Barbie Pleased to hear he was found guilty.

Blue Thanks for your thoughts too.

Hi to everyone else.

Funeral was today Have found myself teetering on the brink all day and reflecting on this year Everyone coped well though and it's always a relief when the funeral is over even if it is the beginning of the grieving process. Mentally and physically exhausted but i'll be back over the weekend.

Thank you Vjay. I know you understand & I know everyone on here understands. I'm just having a bit of an emotional crash at the moment. It looks like I'm having my second annovulatory cycle since the last mc in Sept. What with that & the bleed a couple of days ago I feel like I'm no closer to having a successful pregnancy than I was a year ago.

I didn't tell anyone on here except for Neeko but I'm pretty sure I had a cp three weeks ago. I had a very faint bfp (& loads of symptoms) just before I went to Rome which stayed the same faintness for several days & eventually went away & then af came.

I was talking to my next-door-neighbour about it all yesterday who said she regularly prays for me. I told her it was useless as nobody could have prayed harder than I did just before my last mc & it didn't work. She says that God's time-frame isn't necessarily my time-frame & maybe he needs me to help other people in the same situation as me before I become pregnant. Well God if you are listening..... I can still help people AND be pregnant at the same time.

I was talking to a someone I've met through playgroup a couple of days ago & she's had an awful time, she had a stillbirth & then had her daughter & then had medical complications this year - she is desperately ttc as well. I told her that you all are such a lovely group of ladies & said that she should come & join us.

I know I'm rambling now but my head is such a mess. I'm going to see if I can speak to my consultant on Monday & ask if he'll give me some Clomid.

Uuugghh, I sound like a nutter tonight.

mls I'm here. I keep writing things then delete them because everything I write seems crap, for want of a better word. I suppose I can say that I understand your pain and emptyness as I have felt it and it's so so hard. I will be online for a bit.

Oh God even the Iceland Christmas advert is making me cry now. This Christmas wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to have a new baby. When I lost that baby I was then supposed to have a big bump. When I lost that baby I was supposed to have a smaller bump. I lost that baby & now all I have is emptiness.

I know nobody is around at this time on a Friday night but I just had to get that off my chest.

Hi blue Ajay had a fab nights sleep last night, so we are all cught up and feel so much better . Seeing as next week sees in December it will be a good time to watch Love Actually, so any night from Tuesday onwards

mm hello, good to see you, so sorry you are still being sick, but not much longer to go now

buddha and annie hope you and your bubbas are all well, and you healing well.

Love to all xxx

congrats to buddha and Annie

Thank you Cupcake you lovely lady! x DH kept saying the main thing is that little heart was beating, & we saw the ribs & stomuch which we've not before & today Im 13wks so officially the furthest Iv been, but roll on Monday still.. Also massive thanks to Mermaid for your lovely tx & being so supportive as ever this morning (remember we are here for you too!) xx As I said to Mermaid I think for me, the weebleness is over emphasised by just being shattered & that adds to anxiety quite unhealthily for me..

As I also said the build up to anniversarys is always worse & all the & frustration that goes with it, but last night I had some quite symbolic dreams where random objects were swinging about & it was a 'sign' from my bro I woke up feeling quite peaceful & calm & the day itself usually passes in the same way, tho not looking forward to the cemetary but there is a sense of peace when we get there... So wish DH had got to meet him, they'd of loved each other..

Apologies for the lack of personal posts but do alos wanna echo Cupcake at how lovely it was to see posts from MM Scorpio and Lion . Also glad to see justice done for your MIL attacker Barbie so cruel & sad.. Also hoping that Curly is hangin in there, so pity you hon, & also Neeko hope DH is bearing up & preparations etc not to harrowing...

Back to the good things, still rejoicing for Annie MrAnnie and baby Ellis , but poor Buddha & MrBuddha going through it a bit - had an update from her this morning, hence this post, & will copy what was said:

'Thought Id better let you know know it could be a while before I can put pics of Ewan on or post. Ewan is in SCUBU due to poss infection & breathing difficulties, also I had a spinal puncture when epidural was done so have to stay in longer. No access to MN at all so if u could let people know Im not ignoring them & send them my love much appreciated..'

Poor soul, i replied not to worry about any of us(!) that everyone sends there love, what a worry it must be & that I didnt realise how early she was til list was updated so sure some probs quite common but no doubt a worry, also said that when went to hosp chapel to pray for our LO before apt yesterday I also said a prayer for both Ewan & Ellis & shall continue to do so...

Anyway, wasnt intending to post, so had better get on as picking mum up for cemetary at 1pm & not had brekkie yet or anything, or done my morning cyclogest pessarie yet & I need to lay down horizontal for an hour afterwards if you get my drift!

Good morning girls
Just so so pleased about all the good news and can't believe they ended up being on the same day!
Huge congrats annie, and I love the name - I remember we talked about it before - it was on mine and dh's list but then his cousin named her ds that so it's struck off! Feel quite emotional about you having your baby cos yours was the first BFP when I joined this thread ...seems to have gone so quickly yet so slowly too.

Also loving how all this good news is bringing out some old faces.. hi scorpio and mm and lion so lovely to hear from you all

4ever don't worry yourself so much my lovely. A few trips out aren't going to harm your lo and they all grow at different rates. The important thing is that that little heartbeat was still going strong yesterday. In the last 2 weeks I have run for countles buses and trains & just worried myself sick about what it could do to baby but we need to relax a bit! (And maybe be on time for public transport) huge hugs on your bro anniversary oh and also at Christmas stuff...I still haven't bought a thing!!

blue with this uneven boy:girl ratio I think you will be giving us another niece

Couldn't get my 16wk appointment til 17+1 so won't be joining big panters just yet...boo.
My Mum has given us our first baby pressie though- tiny little booties with penguins on them; adorable but just doesn't feel real that we're going tohave something small enough to fit into those!

I had a heartfelt email from that girl at my old work who just miscarried..such sad words about how she keeps crying and everything, I could have written it 8 months ago. Gonna go reply to her now and hopefully direct her to mn!

Huge waves to everyone on this smily day

Nice to see u mm sorry u are still feeling rough but wow only 5wks to go! You & blue are an inspiration & much needed hope to us multiple mc'ers... Iv been a real wobbly mess since last night, nearly posted at 3am as wide awake in sheer panic.. Dont kno if cos this my danger day & maybe combined with bro anniversary as said freakin about bein same day as furthest i got, & if anything scan not helped cos baby wasnt movin & same position & measurement as mon more or less so have worked myself into a real state, despite sonographer tryin to reassure shit scared & major panic if im honest.. Worried i overdone it this week.. Just cant take the idea of anything going wrong i love this baby & want this so so badly im just scared but praying with all my might..

congratulations annie such lovely things happening this week, and as much i might feel sorry for myself, the happiness is nothing but genuine for all you ladies on here

Hi Ladies,

Not posted for a while but still been having a lurk so you are all never to far from my thoughts.

Huge congrats to buddha and annie, I love that they are both the same day and love both the names girls. I had a few tears when I heard buddha's news it just seems such a long journey we have been on and how we were feeling this time last year and now thinking of her holding her perfect little boy............oh I'm away again .

4ever I have been reading your good news and loving every moment, so happy for you and DH, you both deserve this sooo much. Love the stories from this week, I guess we all have some barbiesque moments from time to time.

barbie glad your MIL case is being sorted out now sadly like you say it won't bring her sight back, hopefully she will get some closure from this.

blue glad baby blue is behaving his/herself now, fingers crossed you may even be able to have a VBAC, looks like your next.

curly just to let you know that at 34 weeks I am still being sick so can totally relate to how you are feeling. Still having to take meds but got it down to one tablet a day which is basically keeping me out of hospital, you are not alone.

jools I am glad that you are getting some help my lovely, you have been so brave throughout and I hope that whatever the outcome you will be at peace. FWIW I took a break ttc for about 6 months before this preg and I think it was the best thing I could have done, yes physically but even more so emotionally. Sounds like you are finding the old jools again, take time and have some fun again, you so deserve it.

MLS, moon, it's been so sad reading your posts, sad because we can relate to them totally. I know I am probably just repeating what some of the other girls have said but please do remember that we can never forget the dark days we all had. I think that's why I was in tears hearing about buddha's news, I remember the sheer desperation we were feeling this time last year and not knowing what the future would hold for us..........and now look at her. In two weeks it is the 2nd anniversary of my 1st mc, little did I know the painful journey I was just starting on. I only got through this down to the girls on the emmsys thread and I hope we can still continue help you. Even this time when we were ttc I was fully expecting to go on and have another mc, but we had always said we would give it one more try and didn't want to look back when it was too late full of regrets. Well here I am with less than 5 weeks to go before my lo arrives so there is hope, even when it all seems gone. I do believe it's hard seeing us posting about our pregnancies but I hope we remind you there is still light, especially from us who have had multiple mc's.

Well a quick update from me, lo is lying breech so booked in for c-section on 30th Dec, there is still a chance it might turn but had some complications having DD so opting for a c-section either way, just want to get this lo out safely now. Been putting off getting the baby's room ready but this weekend it has to happen, guess we have still been scared to tempt fate even at this stage. Will try and post more often but life is just so hectic right now, lots of family stuff going on atm so I have been preoccupied lately but hopefully things are beginning to sort themselves out now.

Anyway been on here too long so need to go now but big hellos to everyone I haven't mentioned in person, I haven't forgotten about you all, will catch up next time , take care ladies xxx.

Hey ladies, still beaming for Annie and Buddha cant believe both on same day! I felt like a birthing partner & it was a real honour & priviledge!

MN is not letting me look at prev pages I cant catch up with you all like I want.. Duno if my old dial up or gremlins at MNHQ...? So big waves to you all & will catch up later, maybe another day! I am shattered, this has been a bit of a week considering Im used to my cotton wool wrap dress & bootees & sofa/bed combo... Just back from ante natal apt which was 10am, waited 2&ahalfhours [exhausted face] to be seen for 20mins by registrar as consultant on an 'emergency'! Bonus was that I saw our sonographer & asked if I could be squeezed in for a quick scan while we waited so got to see bubba again I woke in the night in sheer panic as today Im 12w6d & thats how far I was when lost no3 it measured 80mm & I stared panicing that on mon scan was only 65mm. Hoped it would of shown a big growth spurt but today bubba was sleeping curled up & despite lots of prodding & rubbing by both sonographer & myself she said the angles were funny for a CRL & only got 69mm but reassured me all was fine Trying to take her & DH word for it as he is precision engineer so was trying to reassure me how that can happen! Anyway back on mon so hopefully will have had big growth spurt & be awake flailing & stretching.. (pray/cross fingers/beg all powers that be..) This is last danger zone for me before Im in unchartered waters for first time ever & the anxiety is pretty immense..

Think its cos as said, have had hectic week & a few Barbiesque tales to boot! Last fri ventured to sainsburys with DH to pick up xmas extras & gift wrap etc & I didnt like it at all, felt very vulnerable & fuzzy headed & just wanted to get out of there, got a bit ratty & slammed car door in car park, whilst driving home opened electric window & window fell out of socket & down into door got in a right state & resulted in mad dash to garage for quick repair job & a total of 80quid to fix once got part etc!
Despite all that on mon after scan ventured to m&s when dh went back to work for more xmas bits, exhausted me completely & spent a couple of hours at mums too, most active Iv been..
On tues I had the HR frosty pants visit & as said harrowingly relived the whole trauma of last 2yrs for 2hrs which was emotionally & physically draining, then SIL 'popped in' to borrow choc fountain for nieces b/day yest but stayed for another 2hrs, Id practically lost my voice by tues evening!
Yesterday we ventured out to nieces party for a couple of hours, also draining & SIL friend decided to share the tale of her mate who had 15mc (great just what you want to hear ) her & MIL seemed to delight in tales of doom, glad to get home.. then nan & aunt on pho for 2hrs.. Poor DH doing lates so home at 5pm then back out from 7pm til 8pm so manic evenings..
Today was the apt to infinity! I was so knackered getting up this morning that a'la barbie after putting bleach in the loo while I ran the bath I then proceeded to put my bubble bath down the loo as well!!!
Tomorrow its 12yrs since my brother died so will be going to cemetary with my mum & also picking her an xmas tree from homebase, picking up DH with the shopping, then its back to my cotton wool wrap dress & sofa/bed.. Cant bloody wait!!!

With all of that Im spending spare minutes worrying that Iv undone all the bedrest & good growing & development time of recent weeks All Id been doing was going for scans & that was it, oh well time will tell & in the meantime Ill just keep on praying!

So sorry for the giant waffle, anyone else would think Im mad moaning about that being 'alot of exertion' just needed to get off my chest... Im hoping I can actually read back properly next time I get on & I will post to you all individually but in the meantime.... Love ya lots & hugs for those that need them, sorry am bit useless at the mo... xxxxxxxxxx

Huge congratulations annie, I too am loving the name Ellis. Hope you are ok and not too sore

blue you are wanting a boys name beginning with a vowel and so far all the boys names have been, so there's 4 for you

barbie glad justice has been done on this man, hope it helps your mil a little

Big waves to lion, nice to 'see' you

Got no sleep last night as Ajay has my cold, we are both so tired but he won't sleep so I can't either.

Right of on the school -run- stagger now

Just had news from MIL, the guy was found quilty for gbh with intent, min of four years to be decided and sentenced in Jan 2010..... im glad he will go to prison but nothing will give her the sight in her eye back

19.54 post on that thread might reassure you

mumsnet discussion for you

whoops ignore that, i posted the wrong link

i have about 10 pages opening in my quest to help you!