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Conception

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Original poster

Anyone else struggling to conceive their second LO?

37 replies

lovechoc · 31/10/2009 13:27

Maybe I'm posting on the wrong topic here, but just wondering if anyone else is in this position and how long you have been trying for.

I have a 2.6yo just now, had a pg loss earlier this year, and still trying.

I'm 27 and just frustrated that it's taking ages.

It would be nice to chat to others in a similar situation.

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
lovechoc · 31/10/2009 17:36

cyanha, my cycles are quite irregular, went to GP who said that actually she has seen more irregular cycles than mine and said that she isn't concerned. I vary from 27-35 days each cycle. So yes, I have spent money on tests thinking oh maybe I'm a few days later than last month, this could be it. then ofcourse I test and get a BFN.

tass thanks for the reassurance, I'm sure it will happen for others like myself at some point, just the not knowing that's the hardest bit when everyone around you has at least 2 children. everywhere I look that's all I see.
congrats though on the surprise DC3, that must have been a brilliant surprise.

Tabitha have everything crossed for you too, that it happens soon. I know how bloody hard it is, all this waiting every single month.

Surprised there aren't more out there who are struggling to conceive the second child, or are we the only ones?! lol

OP posts:
cyanarasamba · 31/10/2009 14:24

Just remembered we have a birthday party to go to at 3, and DS is still asleep!

Nice to chat to you lovechoc, sorry I haven't had chance to respond to the other ladies.

tassisssss · 31/10/2009 14:24

Hi lovechoc, we took nearly 2 years to conceive our dc2. It was heartbreaking at the time. For various reasons we started trying before ds was a year and finally gave birth to our second child when he was 3.5. We had 2 miscarriages and took around 6 cyles (long cycles) to conceive each time until our precious dc3 who crept up on us without us really thinking about it! So we have 20 months between dc2 and dc3.

It's so hard, especially when all your dc's wee friends seem to be having siblings.

The best advice I got (ridiculously hard to implement) was from my lovely GP who kept telling me to relax, stop thinking about it, have a lot of sex, go on holiday etc etc. He was v reassuring that it would happy (which i don't suppose he could proove, but it did!). I realise in some ways that's not very helpful and can even sound glib and trite (esp after preg losses).

Good luck. xxx

cyanarasamba · 31/10/2009 14:21

Yes it's hard when everyone seems to be popping them out like peas! The first toddler group we went to after the summer break I swear there was a crop of about 20 new bumps.

One of my best friends lost 3 babies quite late in pregnancy and will only ever have her DD (aged 2) so I am always reminded that there there are lots of people worse off than me. I suppose I do spend a bit more time with he now that the others are concerned with managing two! Do you have any other groups you could go along to and use this time to maybe widen your circle?

Well done for keeping busy. I am quite proud that I've not used a single PG test yet this time, although I could symptom spot for England. Loads of heartburn/twinges/tiredness - I'm sure you know where I'm coming from! Luckily my cycle seems very regular at the moment so I'm never hanging on for ages waiting for AF and thinking I might be PG when I'm not.

TabithaWitches · 31/10/2009 14:18

I have a 22 month old, have been trying for months (we wanted a small gap), not pregnant yet - haven't even felt the need to take a test the whole time we've been trying.
I'm coming to terms with the idea that it's not going to happen how we wanted. I got all worked up in the beginning with plotting cycles etc, now I just hope that it will happen for us eventually. I don't want to join any conception threads or anything, I think it puts on too much pressure and makes me obsess over things.
But it would be nice to chat to people in a similar situation

Original poster
lovechoc · 31/10/2009 14:11

Oh, same as yourself, I'd hoped to have my 'children' by now so that I could return to work sooner, buy hey ho, it's not happening like that.

I'm happy for others to have went on and had more children but I am the only one of mum friends nearby who has an 'only child'. so I'm alienated. don't really have anything in common with them now.

OP posts:
Original poster
lovechoc · 31/10/2009 14:08

I tend to visit relatives, some mum friends (but most have more than 2 children by now - so that for me is quite awkward) occasionally. I have stuff to do most days, to keep busy. Go to playpark with DS, food shopping, library etc. That's good that you keep busy too.

It does play on my mind at certain times of the month, but only now and again. have wasted plenty money on PG sticks to find out its only ANOTHER BFN. So have given up now on that..it's too disappointing.

No, haven't joined any buses yet, don't feel that I fit into that. I'd be disappointed at how much hopping on-and-off I'd have to be doing! lol

OP posts:
cyanarasamba · 31/10/2009 14:01

I'd say it's on my mind a fair amount, especially at certain times of the month! Have you joined any of the monthly 'bus' conception threads? I thought that might be a bit too much pressure personally.

I'm a SAHM but don't stay at home a lot - keep busy with lots of activities and I'm very lucky to have some really lovely friends. In general I love my life. I feel a bit bad that I'm just at home with the one though, everyone else seems to work and/or have two. Now doesn't feel like the time to be looking for a part-time job though, I really wanted to wait till the 'kids' were at school.

I was quite open with family and friends about what happened but I still get "any news...?" even though they know my situation!

We were just about to move house but have just heard that has probably fallen through. It was nice to have that to focus on and it made the MC have "meaning" in a strange way - if I hadn't lost that pregnancy we would probably have decided to stay here earlier in the year. So that is going to feel like a bit of a setback.

I wanted to be able to use this time to lose a few pounds, get fit and so on but find it hard to be motivated in this way. What do you do to keep busy?

Original poster
lovechoc · 31/10/2009 13:43

thanks and congrats to you thegreatescape. I had my ovaries checked at USS when last at hospital and was told everything is normal. It just seems to be taking a long time

OP posts:
Original poster
lovechoc · 31/10/2009 13:41

Hi cyanarasamba, sorry for your losses, you've had it worse than me..I agree, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves but on top of that, is the pressure from others like relatives ' are you not pg again? are you having another one?'. I am coping fine now in general, but earlier this year it was a bit doom and gloom and I am not more optimistic that one day it will happen. Still, there are days when I do struggle. It's nice to know others are going through a similar thing (but hope they fall pg at the same time IYKWIM!).

How have you been doing? Is it constantly on your mind or do you try your best to keep busy?
I'm a SAHM so do have some time in the day to worry about it, but try to keep busy.

OP posts:
thegreatescape · 31/10/2009 13:38

I have 2.5 year old, who was conceived within weeks. I have just found out i am pg with no. 2. Second took about 16 months to conceive. I'd started having a few tests (bloods, ovarian scan etc, which came back normal). Have no idea why second took so much longer. Just wanted to say good luck.

cyanarasamba · 31/10/2009 13:34

I hear ya. DS is 2.9, had a MC in April, not PG again yet.

Had a MC before DS, and for each of the 3 pregnancies it took me about 3 months to get pregnant. So I really thought I might be pregnant again by now!

I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, especially after a MC. Plus as well as the frustration of not getting pregnant there's the fear of losing it again when you actually to get that BFP, as well as grief for the previous loss. So many negative emotions, it's not suprising it all gets a bit overwhelming sometimes.

How are you feeling on the whole?

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