Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Life after IVF - donor eggs, fostering, adoption or child free?

30 replies

Bumpless · 25/10/2009 21:04

Hello

Anyone else wondering whether to see the future as a whole world of new options, or a corridor of slammed doors?

I'm at the end of the IVF road and wondering what next, and I'd be glad of some company on the road less travelled!

I've realised that, having been thinking of donor eggs as a backstop, for me it's absolutely not a substitute for my own genetic baby. It's an alternative way to have a family, sure. But do I want to take it? Or should I get on with living a childless/free life?

A potted history of me: TTC 2 1/2 years (since married DH), age 41, 3 cycles clomid, 3 IVF cycles this year, with one semi-hopefull one and two spectacular busts. Low responder, with AMH of 2.8 and FSH 15. The whole saga has now come to an end with a fabulously clear quote from a lovely doctor who I trust: 'There is no point in stimulating these ovaries'. Amazingly, what I mainly feel is relief that the pointless struggle is over, although I was so devastated after the last IVF cycle failed that I cried for 6 weeks - maybe I really knew then.

Anyone else living life post IVF, I'd love to meet you!

OP posts:
peanuthead · 26/10/2009 20:08

Hello
Well at last a donor egg recipient thread on Mn - I sometimes feel like I'm the only barren person on here surrounded by feckin fecundity. Would love to join you in mentally torturing ourselves over ED!

My - very - potted history should give hope to you though, am 41, have 2 yr old DD concieved via IUI. Started trying for no 2 - 4 failed IUIs, at our first and only IVF got 2 follies with no eggs at EC, despite FSH of 6 and antral follicle count of about 15+. They said DE was the only route as my eggs are knackered if there at all and we started mentally preparing when I got naturally pregnant while waiting for my period so I could start the Pill to synchronise with our donor. So it can happen even once you've been written off.

Unfortunately the baby was diagnosed with a fatal heart condition so I had to terminate at 17 weeks but it was nothing to do with my age or my eggs just really really shitty luck. That was a month ago so now back on the infertility wagon, still trying to get my head round the donor issue. I'm so desperate for another baby I'm not sure I really care where its genes come from. Though no doubt I'm stting myself up for future issues by not dealing with it too much now.

Have you heard of epigenetics? It's a fairly new field of science which studies the environmental factors which decide which genes get switched on - ie basically in the womb. So in fact as a mother we would have more input that we realise - 9 months inside us isn't to be sniffed at.

But I do also worry about bonding, being sad the child doesn't look like me etc. However I'm the only natural chuld in my family, both my siblings are adopted so that probably makes it all easier to deal with as I've already been through it once.

Bumpless, what a terribly sad name. Tis how I currently feel though having managed to grow quite a large one in just 17 weeks of pregnancy and not managing to lose it yet.

But yes, don't give up, there could be a rogue egg in there somewhere.

But also Bumpless, I bet once you had the child it would feel like your own baby. Well that's what they say, but I also wonder if it's true....

Clure · 26/10/2009 18:06

hi bumpless, my FSH level was 36 (horrendous) thats the reasoning behind going from clomid to ivf. Consultant said such a high FSH show limited egg reserve. My mum went through an early meno and I was also treated for hodgkins as a child, I had chemo and so really I am totally totally lucky to have had a child at all. I thank my lucky stars but I would love for her to have a brother or sister. I too am struggling with the donor egg thing, although having already given birth I think there is nothing quite like the moment when a baby comes into the world - the baby would be grown and nurtured inside you and you would be given birth - thats only one side of it and a bit simplistic I know! just trying to make some sense of it really. I'm 42 by the way.
I'm so sorry that ivf didn;t work for you, so would the donor egg be your next step? x

Original poster
Bumpless · 26/10/2009 16:36

Hi Clure , nice to meet you. If I'm not being too nosey, what was your FSH level? I haven't heard of too many people jumping from clomid to donor eggs, so was just wondering what the story was there. Good luck with clomid cycle 4 though, you never know!

I'd be interested to hear how your thoughts progres with the genetic link thing. I've been really struggling with it and have backed myself into a sort of corner, hemmed in by 'if it's not my genetic baby there's no point' versus 'I've bonded so much with my cats, who aren't even the same species, that I shouldn't doubt I'd love any baby that I bear'. I recently read someone refer to DE as 'adoption in the womb', which made a lot of sense to me - rather than trying to pretend it's really my genetic baby, I could look on it as adopting an embryo. Bizarre, but somehow more honest!

Hiya Sooty , thanks for looking in! But I've got everything crossed that you don't join us (not to be unwelcoming or anything...)

OP posts:
sootykalucy · 25/10/2009 23:27

Hi Bumpless and Clure who I don't know yet . . just popping in to say hi and have a look at the new thread (come over from IVF'ers). I'm on my last cycle (attempt number 8) and I expect I shall be joining you shortly . . if by some miracle I don't . . . good luck.

Clure · 25/10/2009 22:42

hi, I haven't had ivf but have been offered it as a next step with donor eggs. Your post struck a bit of chord with me. My background is I have a DD aged 4 who was conceived 1st cycle clomid, now trying for number 2, currently on cycle 4 clomid. Consultant said my FSH levels indicate premenopausal/limited egg reserve.
DH and I still trying to get out heads round it. Like you said - do I want a genetic baby? Also cost for us as we already have a child. x