Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ more adventures of TTC

Hello all, tis ILGH here. Fancied a new name.

Well, we're on swi at the mo and hoping we'll succeed this month or next otherwise it's more investigations as that'll be 6 months of trying. Should ov today so it's the right time. Didn't do very well last night and DH v cross as I was v drunk after too many marguaritas and started singing arpeggios in bed . He gave up and went to play on the Playstation and I collapsed in a stupor. Oops. Must try harder.

Alfiemac am 40 and really hoping we can conceive without assistance. My day 3 and day 21 bloods were fine, my FSH is 9. It's great being on this board though as it's so informative and you learn so much about what is available (assuming you have the money of course, not surprised you are Dechen)

Kiwi your colleague sounds a horrible piece of work. Ishoos there I think.

Italian, glad you got that stabbing pain sorted. Sounds horrid.

Welcome Dechen - I have just joined MumsNet and the ladies here are all great, a fountain of knowledge and very supportive. I may have missed something (at work today) so apologies if you have already mentioned why you feel you need go down the assisted conception route. Im assuming its because of your age? I know that if you believe everything you read no-one over 40(or very few) would get pregnant, atleast not using their own eggs, but, in the last couple of years I know of atleast 10 friends and familiy all over 40 who are pregnant or who have had healthy babies and I read somewhere the other day that Arlene Phillips had her second daughter aged 47!
In my situation (age 43 but 44 later in year) although I am hoping for a miracle "natural" conception my husband (age 40) and I have male factor infertility problems and the liklihood of us being able to conceive naturally is very slim.
We are very fortunate to havehappy and healthy twin boys conceived via IVF but would love another child and are considering somesort of assisted conception again most likely using donor eggs or maybe adopted embryos (something I had not heard of until today) I say we, but have to say, my husband is not really two keen not least due to the financial and emotional costs involved with assited conception.
Thanks everyone for advice etc on clinics (UK and abroad) - I shall make some initial enquiries. Ideally we would like to find a clinic in the UK prepared to treat us.
Hope you all have a fab w/e.

NHS ... no. I already have 2 children by a previous marriage but my husband has no biological children but that doesn't seem to count for anything.

Borrowing money ... I wouldn't know how to pay it back even if I knew where to get it.
Unless I could spread it over several years.

Embryo adoption... my hubby just would not go there. Even if I could find a place to do it cheaply.

Dechen assisted conception can be expensive. Have you had much help from the NHS at all?
If you go via your GP they are unlikely to charge you for the necessary blood tests, so may be able to make small saving there.
Embryo adoption is a lower cost possibility. We are considering this, it is kind of equivalent to adoption, but you actually carry the baby.
There are clinics overseas who do embryo adoption for between £3000-£1000 plus any necessary tests.
I think it is also done in the UK, but would involve contacting clinics privately to establish whether they have couples happy to donate their embryos.
Gum that sounds like a lovely break for you. Not much of a tarot kind of girl myself, but if it is making you feel positive then that has to be a good thing. Good luck with finding a bit of privacy.

We've had to pay too, Dechen, and you're right, it's not cheap. And if this one doesn't work, then we probably won't be able to afford another round. Is there anywhere you could get the money from?

I am sitting here reading through some stuff and I am getting quite ... well, upset.
I thought about donor eggs and IVF but I just can not afford it. When we saw a doc a few years ago he said he could help if we have the money. Otherwise we could leave.
That is what it boils down to.
If you are in the wrong income bracket you are of no interest.
Sorry, I just don't know what to do anymore.
I feel so hopeless.

Thanks rowingboat. I will order a fertility test over the net and see how that goes and if I am still fertile. I am dredding it. But better knowing than trying and all the heartache that goes with it and not having a chance.

Hi girls (I know we are all young at heart!)
I'm off to a lovely seaside location today to spend the weekend with hubby and kids.It is my first daughter's 13th birthday on Monday so we are celebrating in style in a cottage by the sea.She is bringing a friend, so I think we'll all have a lovely time. She started high school this week!
I now have DS1 left school, working, DS2,DD1 both in High school, DD2 in primary and the toddler. I love having them all spread out, it is nice to have all those different factors going on.It makes for interesting dinner conversation!
The tarot reader mentioned something about a beach trip or summer holiday and conception, so I'll have to try to schedule in some shagging this weekend, but god knows how that will turn out with all the kids! I think the cottage is rather large so we'll have some privacy...
The tarot thing might not mean very much at all as I actually live really close to the beach, but this is a special trip, so maybe...might be a load of cobbler's, but I'm hopeful!
Kiwi, I'm excited about your ivf starting soon. Your work collegue sounds awful.I can't wait for you to tell her you're going to have a baby! What do you do for work? Not trying to be nosey, just genuinely interested in what other people do.
Welcome Dechen, you'll learn a tonne of information here and have a huge amount of support too.
Right, off to pack the beach supplies!
Ooo, I love the new emoticon, can't wait to use it...

Aw shucks!
Thank you! I bet you are both hugging the postie at the moment what with all those hormones flying around.

Hippy, your DS sounds so sweeet. I love little boys, gorgeous.

Kiwi, that's great news, you can relax a bit now knowing you won't have to tempt the wrath of the scary boss.

Hippy, you're right - Rowing is my hero too!

I phoned the nurse today, and she said that if all goes well, we'll be looking at around 3rd March. So one level of stress is over, at least! Thanks for all your advice and kind words.

Dechen, this is a great supportive thread, certainly a life-saver for me!

Just seen a new icon. That's me most of the time

Just having a quick look.

Rowing you are a truelly lovely person. You took the time to explain everything really well to the new lady. I think you're fab. Hope that didn't sound too crawly?????

Love to all. Keep doing it girls, it might just be the all important one .

I told work that I'm preg today. Not one person mentioned my age. The boys told the teachers and mates at school. Poor old 6 year old was so excited when he told people they thought he was pulling their leg - I had to say,"Yes it really is true." He's a bit like the little boy that cried wolf.

Hi Dechen,
Re the tests to determine fertility, they are pretty accurate, as far as I know, although there are always exception to any rule. I don't know how far you have got with the tests, but here's a bit of info/
Your GP will be able to carry out some of the tests and should refer you to your nearest infertility unit. For over 35's the GP should refer you after 6 months of trying. I'm guessing that it has been longer than that for you, if you have had fertility drugs, so make sure the GP knows to refer you immediately, we can't hang around at our age.
You will need a day 3 blood test (on the third day of your cycle) to determine your FSH and estrodial levels are still OK for conceiving and you will also need a day 21 progesterone test.
The nurse at your GP surgery will probably do your bloods, but your DH will have to take a sperm test to the infertility centre usually.
From being referred to seeing a specialist can vary, it took us 4 months to see somebody. They then arranged an HSG for me, to check my fallopian tubes were clear (they weren't).
Once all that is done you should be a lot more in the picture about your chances.
Preseed is a sperm-friendly lubricant, which helps create the right environment for you to conceive.
I recommend fertility friend, it is free online service where you can keep track of your most fertile time, and it also gives you a crash course in conception to get you started.
Good luck and welcome!

Hi all,
I am not sure I am right here but I am 45 and my hubby is 29. We decided to give having a child another go.

We had all the usual tests and then I took fertility drugs. We stopped trying.

We want to give it another go.
Has anyone any tips?
O...what is pre-seed, please?
AND are the tests that determine your fertility any good?

Hi all

Today I went to see the GP and he checked my breasts, he said the pains were due to the Buserelin I was taking. He used to work at a breast clinic so I was really pleased that I got to see him. He checked the info on the computer for the drug I'm taking and he checked my breasts properly at my request. We had a chaperon in the room, I think I was more embarrassed that the poor receptionist had to come in and be a chaperon than for the doctor to examine me (surgery policy, which I think is very good). So all clear but I am glad I went and he said it was good to get these things checked out.

Rowingboat thanks.

Kiwikat I have replied to you on Assisted Conception. All the best.

Hi Kiwi,
I'm kind of racking my brain here. I down-regged for ages, but the key thing is the scan, if you are at or below 3mm they will start you on stims, if you aren't then you will down-reg for another few days, around 5 is usual.
The stimming part is usually around 12-14 days. You then inject a hormone to stimulate ovulation (usually Ovitrelle) and go in for egg collection 36 hours later. They usually get you to take the shot at nighttime so that EC (egg collection) can be in the morning.
YOu will need a day off for EC, ideally a couple, because you can have quite a sore tummy afterwards.
The embryos are transferred back usually between 2-3 days later, unless your clinic prefers 5 day (blastocyst) transfers. It generally depends on the number of eggs collected, they don't usually go for 5 day transfers unless there are 8 or more eggs because you can lose quite a few.
You need to allow at least half a day for embryo transfer (TX)but after the procedure you can go back to normal.
The clinics used to advice rest after, but there is no evidence that it helps and it can drive you a bit nuts hanging around worrying.
Your clinic should have given you a piece of paper with the protocol on it with an idea of the number of days involved, so check your paperwork again.
If there aren't sufficient details on the form, phone the clinic, speak to a nurse and ask her/him to go over the details/dates with you, to give you a rough idea.
I reckon you will have to have a couple of 'sick days' if you are keeping on the low-down about this.
I'm sure they will manage without you on the 16th if needs be, you and your baby come first.
Yucky boss!

Rowing, and anyone else who might know, help! (I've also just posted this on the Assisted Conception thread, so apologies to a couple of you who will see it there as well, but Rowing is holding my hand on this and may have the answers I need. Although I doubt she - or any of the rest of you for that matter - will be awake at this time of the morning.)

I've woken up in a panic as I realise that I have no idea when egg collection or ET might be, and I have a MAJOR event happening at work on 16th March, with lots of fuss happening around it all that week, and no one at work knows I'm going through this, and I don't want them to know, if I can help it - not that work is anywhere near as important as this, of course, but can anyone help me work out what this date is likely to be?

(My female co-MD is actively anti pregnancy, and whatever the results of this procedure, my career path would be seriously blighted and she would punish me in a million petty ways if she knew about my 'betrayal' of even wanting a baby. Yes, it's totally crap, but that's the way it is. But if it works, and please God, that it does, I don't give a fat rat's bum about my career. But until I am in a position to announce the joyous news, I don't want anyone to know it's even crossed my mind. Am I being completely unrealistic? I think I might be ...)

I've been on Microgynon for a week and have my first scan booked for 17th Feb, and I think that's the day I start 10 days of FSH (Gonal F) injections. The next scan is usually (according to my instructions) after 5 days of FSH injections, which will be 21/22 Feb. That's when they tell you when to begin the Cetrotide injections, which last for about 8 days, which takes us to 1st/2nd March, if you start them immediately. Do you take them at the same time? Or do you normally wait? 'Once your eggs are ready for collection' you are told when to have the Ovitrelle injection, and egg collection will take place about 36 hours later.

Can anyone who's been through this or has any kind of insight, please tell me which date egg collection is likely to be? Sorry about the me-me-me post, but that's all there's room for in my stressed little head at nearly 3 in the morning! Help!

Hi everyone,
Tetley that is funny that you have had your DD all day and now you finally get a chance to work you are on MN. Which, of course, is a kind of work, kind of taking care of your mental health sort of work. Quite right! You probably just feel like having a more adult 'conversation' or whatever this is.

Frosticle I do I live in Leith (sunny Leith). Where are your family?

ILGH I like that skipping, I hope you were singing 'upsy daisy' or something from 'in the night garden'.

Kiwi, stick with me kid, you'll be alright!

Gum I think stepping back a bit is inevitable after a while. It can be very hard to maintain the initial obsession enthusiasm. It doesn't mean you won't get pg, just that you won't sit around crying so often. (I say you rather than 'one', not meaning that you: 'Gumblossom', sit around crying all the time) Hope I've cleared that up.

Italian, I think I did have a stabbing pain. It is bit of a vague recollection, but I do recall something like that.

I've just heard the funeral isn't until March the 1st, so not a huge rush. There are quite a few people who need to travel from overseas so it gives them a chance to organise things. My nan wouldn't have wanted to put anyone out. Bless her!

Hi all

Can I ask, has anyone had stabbing pain in the boob (breast) while using the Buserelin injection? I started injecting on Sunday and around that time I had a stabbing pain in the boob. DD had hit me in the boob a few days ago so I wondered if that might have made me feel a pain (daughter not hubby, in case you are all getting worried!) . However, I?ve had pain a few times and it just seems to have coincided with starting injecting. Have had these injections twice before in previous cycles but not had this stabbing pain. It?s kind of the equivalent of a stitch in the breast. Anyway, first time I had the injections had pain in hands, last time no pain and this time the boob! Does anyone have any light to shed on my boob, so to speak! is a boob for today!

rowingboat Do you have a DS aged 5, it?s just my DD is 5, and I nticd you dsaid if this worked there would be a 6 year gap. I originally wanted my kids close to gether but now I too can see it can be good to have a gap and often people can?t do thing, go anywhere, and feel tired if they have lots of pre-school children.

Frosticle thanks, what are you up to?

tetleytea Of all the things to have infectious, I think enthusiasm is one of the best!

Waves to all

Afternoon all!

dd off nursery with nasty cough so got absolutely no work done. So of course now the babysitter's arrived what am i doing?

Latest ttc strategy was to haul out all dd's gorgeous wee-baby clothes last night to lend to friend with newborn. Theory is i'll never conceive as long as clothes in cupboard. Lending all the girly clothes also means i have more chance of having another girl (used to want a boy, now realise i am much much too knackered, judging by the house-demolition that all the 3 year old boys that dd hangs out with seem to do on a twice-daily basis). Producing more and more cod theories every day.

rowing you're absolutely right about the positives of bigger age gaps. i think i made up my mind 20 years ago about the ideal family i wanted (a bit daft really considering i didn't start ttc till i was 38) and havent' really changed it. There's a lot to be said for having a more "grown up" bigger sibling.

TFLS sorry to hear your hormones are putting you through the mill a bit. sounds
horrid. hope it improves soon

italianGH your enthusiasm is so nice and infectious

ILGH great to hear about all your musical goings-on. I always did a lot of singing before dd was born: classical, jazz and scottish folk. do miss it. It'll be amazing to Mozart's requiem

gumblossom i know just what you mean about trying not to spend so much mental energy on ttc. It doesn't help that this is such a nice thread. I find that even if i don't want to think about me ttc'ing i still want to know what everyon'es up to...

that's it, gotta get some work done...

Hi ladies. I've been keeping a low profile as I try to come to terms with things. The whole charting debarcle, the hope that maybe I did ovulate and maybe got pregnant, only to have nothing but negative tests has taken it's toll.
Whilst all that was going on in my head I didn't want to come on here and moan about it!

I've put my fertility friend account on hold, no point trying to do charting when I haven't had a period in 2 years, I'm still breastfeeding, so waking in the night and temps are just not reliable.

I did order 50 opks, so that's all I'll do from now on, and even then I might give that a miss for a bit too, and try to focus on my LO a bit more and on TTC a bit less.

That's not to say I'm giving up, just trying to focus less mental energy on it.

Rowing, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it isn't easy. I hope the funeral isn't too hard on you.

Gotto run, small boy now climbing on chairs!

rowing really sorry about your Nan. It doesn't matter how old you/they are, you still really miss them. Do you live in Edinburgh? My parents and a lot of my family are up there and I was born there.

Italian - fab news re the donor etc. VERY exciting!!

Seems to me there's a whole flurry of activity on here with everyone and I am struggling to keep up. Best of luck to all.

ILGH - great image! The world needs more skipping!

Rowing, you're a font of knowledge! I'll be stocking up, as you suggest.

ILGH, you made me smile - I can just see you skipping along, singing Mozart.

Evening All. Not at choir tonight as had a migraine/visual disturbance earlier and didn't want to risk the drive. Am cheesed off cos we're doing Mozart's Requiem and I love singing it. Hey ho.

Well, I swear to God, that agnus castus/dong quai/whatever was doing for me. My mood is sooooo much better I can't believe it. I was skipping at the supermarket today - at least until i saw this bloke in the car park giving me a funny look, so i stopped .

Anyhoo, got ewcm on day 10. Very odd. Was going to give it a rest tonight but best not. At least i won't be knackered from singing for three hours.

Alfiemac, CD is indeed cycle day.

Where are you gumblossom?

And fingers crossed for you Bumpless, am liking Bumpty as a name.

rowing, hope you get to into feeling more positive soon. It's so much easier to keep neutral after a while isn't it?

Hope everyone else is well.

Hi everyone,

thank you all for being so kind. I think the funeral is next week, it is going to be a logistical nightmare because it is going to be in Essex.

Kiwi aaah I see. So what you are doing at the moment is downregging, which is getting rid of any cysts and any hormonal activity, they give you the scan to check the lining of your uterus is below 3mm, then it all starts up with the jabs.
My lining didn't thin enough, so I had an extra week of microgynon - the bliss!!!
Are you taking any supplements? I took co-enzyme Q10, I was taking 90mg and lots of protein - it helps the eggs grow, and folic acid about 800mg I think that's two standard tablets.
The protein was just trying to have at least one egg a day, usually two scrambled and a bit extra for dinner - got sick of meat after a month of that. There are protein shakes and bars, but I found them disgusting so just went with meat and eggs, oh and bean on toast.
There was a thing about taking DHEA to improve egg quality, but it is not not available in the UK, so you can only buy it from abroad. I took around 25-50mg.
Hope that helps a bit.

Bump are you having donor egg IVF? I'm sorry I can't seem to remember where you are exactly.

Italian thank you for your kind words. I do admit to feeling less than positive about the FET, not so much negative as slightly less than neutral. It is the two failed IVFs that have done it. I will get my positive head on nearer the time hopefully.

AlfieM My last IVF was just before I was 43 and I produced 10 eggs I can't remember how many fertilised, it was either all or most of them, of course a lot of that is down to your DH.
If you have reasonable results from your day 3 blood test and, possibly, your AMH test (my hossy used that) then you should be fine for own egg IVF.
The only thing is there is no guarantee that producing a lot means they are all good quality.
I wish I had gone for some kind of genetic testing for the my IVFs, but my clinics didn't offer the service. I think it might have been money well spent though.
Quite a few of the clinics abroad offer genetic testing which generally means it is more affordable.

Hippy glad to hear you are all sorted and no more spotting.

TFLS it is cold at the moment. It's been snowing here this morning!!! Too wet to lay though, thank goodness. Sent off for some thermal leggings yesterday.
Do you think having some chamomile tea and honey might help with the sleep?? I mean the proper flowers type not the floor sweepings in a teabag type??

Silver agnus castus is good at restoring ovulation in some cases, but I think you should probably get your hormone levels checked first. Do you have PCOS or anything similar? Clomid and letrazole (sp?) can work for PCOS.

Tetley fingers crossed AF doesn't arrive. We will have a six year gap if this next FET works. From my perspective, a lot of my friends have siblings close in age and I think they are quite restricted compared to me only having one preschooler. Often they can't come with us to do things because of the smaller one taking a nap at a certain time or just the general logistics of it all get on top of them. Not that they are all like that, but it's not so easy to get moving when they are all young. If you can get one into nursery I think it gives you a bit more quality time with the baby.
I'm so glad DS will be in school if I have a baby to take care of, give me the whole day to be cr*p. I'm bone idle though.