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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Getting pregnant by my Gay Best Friend - advice wanted on home insemination!

38 replies

BohoMofo · 15/09/2009 19:19

I am 34, single and joining forces with my gay best friend to have a baby. We fully intend to co-parent, and are committed to sharing the financial and emotional responsibilites.

While there are lots of internet resources about anonymous donor insemination, I can't find anything about this situation. I would be really grateful to anyone who has done this to get in touch, and tell me your experiences and any tips.

Thanks!!

OP posts:
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Tryingandimpatient · 11/05/2013 15:41

Hi bohomofo,
I am aware this is a really old thread but I am currently doing the same thing with my gay best friend and it is difficult to find any info on others who have done this.
I wondered if you would mind telling me how it turned out for you?
How many tries did it take?
Do you have a parenting contract and who did you get it through?
How are you getting on now? Were there any issues between you two parenting that you hadn't anticipated?

Sorry to pick your brains but I want to make sure I am going into this with my eyes wide open

I hope to hear from you soon :-)

LeninGrad · 17/09/2009 17:27

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londonlottie · 17/09/2009 08:17

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QOD · 17/09/2009 07:46

oh ovulation predictor, about 10 yrs ago - a really common pregnancy test name, I cant think.
They never showed a surge, but as my odd odd friend in the end ovulated on day 27 of a 28 day cycle!!!! maybe thats why!

Original poster
BohoMofo · 16/09/2009 22:13

thanks ladies - this is really helpful. we are about to start trying, and are prepared for it not to be smooth sailing. but it is great to know that it has been straightforward for some and to get tips from others.

i have wanted us to get an agreement written, he thinks it will all be fine without one ...you have persuaded me to make sure that we get round to it!

most of all, i'm grateful for all the kind words. i know there'll be some hostility when we do it, but you give me hope that most people will be happy for us.

xx

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LeninGrad · 16/09/2009 21:36

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Conundrumish · 16/09/2009 20:56

QOD - can I ask which sticks you were using that didn't work?

QOD · 16/09/2009 20:35

LOL RIndercella, it is heartwarming but sounds so cold when you describe the process!

RedAction · 15/09/2009 22:51

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Satsuma1 · 15/09/2009 22:28

Pinpointing your most fertile time is really key. There are various ways of doing this (bbt charting being the best way to see if you're actually ovulating or not), but the Clearblue fertility monitor is quite useful too.

If you find you don't have enough fertile cm, a sperm friendly lubricant may be of use (e.g Preseed) and I have also heard tell that some people have had success using a Softcup (like the Mooncup, marketed to catch menstrual flow) for keeping the sperm near where it needs to be. Both these suggestions are purely anecdotal and I'm not aware of any clinical trials supporting their use. I read of one person who had success collecting the sperm sample in the Softcup and using that to insert the sperm.

Good luck!

Rindercella · 15/09/2009 22:13

QOD. I feel quite warmed by your story. What a lovely friend you have

QOD · 15/09/2009 22:05

well, my dd was made with a little sample pot & a needleless syringe's help
DH produced his stuff, i kept it warm under my arm pit in said pot & transported it to my friends.
I would phone & say i was en route, she did use a vibrator because arousal makes the vaginal fluids more inviting/accepting whatever.
SHe would then squirt as deep inside as she could then kind of lift her bum right up, legs up the wall & read for a bit!
That worked after I think 6 mths of trying.
You do have to pinpoint ovulation, the sticks never showed when she ovulated but the temperature chart did it for us.

GlastonburyGoddess · 15/09/2009 21:57

just wanted to say goodluck and let us know if when you're successful

catinthehat2 · 15/09/2009 21:54

Well good luck to you and any child you may produce. I'm afraid my gnat-like attention has been taken over by a thread on Transformers.

Original poster
BohoMofo · 15/09/2009 21:41

cat2 - i totally understand what you're saying re the bigger questions.

re insemination, the difference is that anon donors have their sperm frozen. this makes a difference to how long it can survive and be used for, whereas normal sperm is relatively fragile and tho it can survive in the woman for a couple of days, it doesn't survive outside for more than an hour or so. that is what thisisyesterday was saying.

no prurience from me, and most of the attention is from you!

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catinthehat2 · 15/09/2009 21:33

I mean, I don't understand why you think there is a difference between anonymous donor insemination and "known" donor insemination. Why is that the big deal? As you can see, five seconds on Google and there's a ton of stuff. Home insemination - yeah, so what?

But raising a child in these circs, surely that is the realsource of questions? Unless you just want lots of attention for a really exciting and prurient thread title and have no intention of going through with it.

catinthehat2 · 15/09/2009 21:26

Joking apart, I think the mechanics of conception are the easy bit.

"We fully intend to co-parent, and are committed to sharing the financial and emotional responsibilites."

This ^ is the bit that's going to be hard.

So are you going to live together? Or not?
How do other boyfriends/girlfriends fit into this in the future? How contractual is this relationship? Who changes the nappies? Who sits through homework and music practice? Who pays for all this?

HeadFairy · 15/09/2009 21:24

And did they offer any treatment for you?

The reason I ask, if you are trying for a baby the traditional way, and you are struggling, at least the process isn't the worst thing in the world, although granted it can become a bit of a chore.

I would have thought some way of raising your fertility would help, I can imagine the turkey baster trick is not something you want to have to do for months on end.

Original poster
BohoMofo · 15/09/2009 21:03

ummm - my ovaries showed a slighlty reduced volume with a few antral follicles, and my FSH levels were slightly raised.

LH and oestroidal levels were normal.

not exactly plain english, is it?!?

OP posts:
HeadFairy · 15/09/2009 20:12

Did the docs give you any indications as to how your fertility is not as it should be?

Original poster
BohoMofo · 15/09/2009 20:02

morning paper - thank you very much xx

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Original poster
BohoMofo · 15/09/2009 20:01

well, i did go to uni, but i'm not a researcher/journalist, and i'm definitely not madonna...

this is a geniune post and we would be genuinely grateful for anyone who has any wisdom to share.

we have both gone for checks, and my fertility is a little under the "normal" for my age, he has great sperm count but lower motility. we are both really conscious that given our relationship, getting pregnant is more of a chore than the normal way ;-) so we want maximise the chances of it being effective.

OP posts:
MoreCrackThanHarlem · 15/09/2009 19:58

Ooooh Acrylic Afternooons, love your name. Are you partial to a bit of Jarvis then?

TeamEdward · 15/09/2009 19:57

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morningpaper · 15/09/2009 19:56

read this then you will know pretty much everything

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