Emmsy's in weeble land....Where weeble's wobble but don't fall down!

moon I hope you are feeling a little better this evening and that you get a better nights sleep.x

4ever only 2 sleeps till your next scan, sorry to read that this weekend has been so hard, you are being so brave.

I decided to do something cathartic and have cleaned sent everything to the second hand shop. ds can actually move in his bedroom
Unfortunatley whilst I was buried in ds room dh decided to make cornish pasties I can't cos I am not cornish, gets me off the hook from all that faffing about with turnips.
Anyhow he did a bit too much faffing about with turnips and I then spent more time than is ladylike cleaning it all up and having to exclaim my delight at every mouthful exhausting.

I hope all the exhausted but happy new mums are ok and our lovely cyber dn and dns are as gorgeous as ever.

love to all, especial for jools ig hoping bakingqueen

love to all those patting tummys too

thank you so much everyone for your kind words, now even they are making me cry!

neeko i love your poem. here is one of my favourites. my dad read it to me when my pet rabbit died when i was small. i know its not quite applicable, but the last few lines could be.

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Moon- so sorry no one was about this morning its lovely to hear from you again even though your not feeling in a good place at the moment. The others have summed things up more eloquently than I could ever hope to. People in RL move on but here we always remember what has happened and here it is safe. Sending you a big hug and a virtual tissue to dry your tears. Hope the support you get on here helps lots of love x

Ahhh my dear Moon you poor soul, my heart bleeds for you & I know exactly where you are coming from, Blue summed it up, the thing that drew me to this site was the orig name 'support for mummies of lost angels'... Whether we are ttc or preg again that is what bonds us all & means we all understand entirely the desperation, the pain, the lack of understanding, the feeling lonely & misunderstood in a room full of people, the envy of others, the anger at the unfairness of it all, the self doubt, the resentfulness, the endless question of why, the searing heartache, & the wonderment of ever being able to cope....

I know how hard it is to feel left behind, Iv been right there with you, but please as everyones saying, keep on talking, let your feelings out, dont bottle them up & feel you have to sit quietly in the corner. I also had 3 preg people at work (one next to me, one with my edd) it was f*** torture & I felt no-one had a bloody clue quite how hard it was for me every day (hence excessive MNing whilst at work!). We deserve a medal at the end of each day for getting through it, so I present you with one right now... Sadly I lowered my expectations of RL understanding, its a sad fact that no-one does unless they have been there, at points I wanted to scream & shake people but the only one that felt worse for it was me at the end of it..

Please also dont blame you, having had 4mc in 17months I did the whole 'whats wrong with me' why am I being punished thing (& occasionally still do - this weekend despite embarking on no 5 Iv been overwhelmed with anxiety, fear & doom & desperately been trying to shake it off without much success! I feel like I cant breath..) But, you know what writing this is cathartic as once again, it reminds me Im not alone & no doubt we have all felt this awful fear... You will have good days & very bad days, sometimes in equal measure, sometimes excessively the latter, but please remember we are all here to hold your hand, & whilst we cant take away the pain, we do understand... Massive love xxxxxxxx

Neekos poem is beautiful xxxxx

Hi Moon Glad you've posted again and that our messages are helping. NO GUILT TRIPS ALLOWED ON HERE (said in my best schoolteacher's voice )
Thought I'd post my gran's favourite poem again. It always helps me when I'm feeling

Don't You Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit

Hope that helps. Take care and keep talking.xx

its taken me ages to read all your lovely posts, i couldnt read them all in one go cuz i was fighting the tears so i had to keep flicking back and reading bits at a time. i can't post much right now, but didn't want you worrying. feel a bit guilty for the very selfish me post.

Moon lovely lady, how are you today? Felt floored by your post and so so you feel all alone. Agree with Buddha that counselling would be really worth looking into. You deserve to have someone listen to you, let you cry and work through all these thoughts swirling round in your head.

Please do not think for one moment you caused your mc's - they just happen, cruelly for reasons we will never know and nothing you did/didn't do contributed to them.

As for feeling left behind on here.... I often feel vexed and anxious for those of us still ttc and the last thing any of us who are pg would want is for our pg to compound the feeling of empitness and longing. I do fear this thread, for all the fantastic support it provides, can be counter productive and even unhealthy for those ttc as normally noone ttc would be posting on a ante-natal thread and vice versa. I don't know the answer but as Neeko says we have ALL been where you are wondering if it is ever going to happen and I just hope seeing some of us pg after 1,2,3 even 4 mc can provide some hope and light at the end of the tunnel.

Please post here as often as you feel, we are primarily still here to support mothers of lost angels, that is the reason for our existence and we shouldn't forget it.

xxx

oh moon I could have written those words at 1 in the morning many times as I am sure all of us on here could have as well.

The world does not stop for us for long does it? I wrapped up my little nieces 2nd birthday presents thinking that. No one can remember like we do.
We are broken but we have to find ways to weld it all back up again so we an manage to live and laugh and love again.
neeko is so right it does take ages and I thik hormones affect us in far outreaching ways for months.

If I did not have you lot to reasure me that I am not mad to feel this way I don't actually know how I would be.

moon lovely sad lady you must talk, I sometimes wonder if you hide away a little, don't hide when you are so very sad. It is a horrible feeling to be left behind I can understand all to well what that feels like.
budda has a good idea with the councelling it does help to go aggggggghhhhhhhh at a complete stranger and not worry about burdening them.
In the meantime cosy up in the greenhouse it is a bit empty right now but I should be thinking about planting little seeds for spring, sweet peas for one We need to look forwards somehow, I understand how bleak you are feeling but it will get better slowly.xx

neeko so pleased about your bloods, enjoy your sniffin

budda lovely to see ya poor dh with his job I will keep my fingers crossed that one of his interviews comes up with something ace.

Morning Buddha X post. Glad to hear your DH is working, albeit unhappily. I'll keep my fingers crossed for his interviews this week. Nothing's ever easy is it?

Oh Moon I'm so sorry no one was on last night and that you feel so sad and alone. you DO belong here. Yes some of us have been very lucky to move on but we all know where you are and have all been there. There will always be a place for you here and you should never feel that you need to sit quietly in a corner.
I'm really sorry that you feel no one in real life understands who you are and how you are feeling and that you've lost yourself. I would strongly urge you to seek some counselling to try to help you break out of this cycle. Miscarriage does horrible things to your hormones for a very long time, but sometimes we need a little help with that. I also realise that antidepressants are probably not a route you want to go down right now, but someone once told me that they produce a hormone that we need to be happy and sometimes you just need them for a little while to kickstart your body into making that hormone again.
I'm also realy troubled by the fact that you think you ruined your chances. You didn't. Miscarriage is a horrible and unfair thing but it just happens. It's a physical thing that mother nature controls. It's not something you deserve for being a bad person or something that you an cause just by living a normal life.
I know it seems trite to hear all this from someone who is currently pregnant but you WILL be a mum one day and your little boy or girl will call you mummy, just as you dream of. As Mermaid says, your body knows when it's ready and you're just not ready yet.
I'm sorry if this hasn't really helped. Please take/disregard as much as you want to, but know this: we care, we haven't forgotten and there will always be a place here for you. xx

Moon Do not go back to being quiet, you must come here and talk my lovely, I completely understand how you feel, and I get the feeling of being left behind too, but although I can't promise I really feel that it will happen for you, we've all been on your journey and won't ever forget it here. RL do seem to move on and unless you have a RL friend who has experienced m/c it gets even harder. Have you considered counselling? After my 3 m/c's I finally went and it was the best thing I ever did, I know it doesn't work for everyone but just having someone to talk to was invaluable. Or even some accupuncture or reflexology, some quality BlueMoon time is called for. We need to turn that frown upside down. My DH didn't really get it all either, he thinks that I should completely forget about the lost lo's now we're pg, he doesn't realise you can't, it's always at the back of our minds. Chin up my sweet, sending you a virtual hug x x

hello, i doubt if anyones on, but i cant sleep and i feel very sad, and this is the only place i can come to where i dont feel so alone. even though i've been left behind and dont really belong here anymore, i'll just sit quietly in the corner and watch the clouds go by in mermaids greenhouse.

you know when you draw a sad person and you give them an upturned mouth? well i actually feel like my mouth has turned the wrong way and is permanently down at the corners

i would give anything to go back to this time last year when we were so happy and excited about trying for a baby, so much has happened this year and i've changed so much i dont recognise myself. everyone has forgotton whats happened, and i know i have to move on, but people think i should forget, when how can i? to think that i had 2 chances that i ruined, that i may never have a little girl or boy to call me mummy, when its all i ever wanted from such a young age. dp doesnt get me anymore, no matter how much i try to explain, i think he's done with trying to comfort me and just leaves me to it. my family just gloss over it and think its fine to talk about other peoples babies and that i'm ok with it. and work think nothing of the fact i have to see 2 pregnant girls every day (the 3rd one is on maternity leave now) and never ask if im ok.

i am rambling away, i'd better go and get a drink and go back to my wet pillow

thanks for listening, i will go back to being quiet i promise xxx

Neeko Fab news on bloods and on feeling the baby move, it makes me smile

Morning girls, apologies for lack of posts, but RL is rather stressful at the moment, and I am taking the cowards way out and not personally posting to everyone as I just can't keep up so sorry but will post to those I remember!
LBM & Cupcake Hope you have/had lovely birthdays
Neeko 20 week scan already!!!!
Barbie Are you itching yet?
Jools Wish I could wave a magic wand and make things better for you x
Iggy Chin up sweet
Curly Glad I'm not the only one still being randomly sick! Usually averages 3/4 times a week only in the evenings, must be why I've only put on just under a stone so far (31 wks) so very pleased about that!
4ever Thinking of you and your scan this week will make sure I lurk to find out what's happening.
bakingqueen How are you feeling? I think it's so hard for men to understand a woman's need to have a child themselves, which makes it even more frustrating.
Blue Check you out with the new sofa and new wallpaper to come, good old HIP grant!
Annie Hope the party goes well, sorry to hear about the ear infections, hope they clear up soon

Well DH has found a temp job for christmas but really really hates it, he's so miserable love him but he has got 3 more interviews this week, so fingers crossed one of those will be sucessful. Still struggling with back and unable to reduce hours to part time at work, but physio is helping, next scan for me is 29th Oct to see if placenta has moved, if it hasn't have to discuss our birth options, at least at the moment I'm not getting scared about labour, once the scan has been and gone I think I might be poo-ing myself if the placenta has moved

Huge hugs and waves to MrsKate Moon Mermaid Vjay Sabs

Hi Neeko - that's GREAT news about your bloods , it is such a relief... Lovely to hear your LO is starting to make his/her presence felt too .

Hope its glorious over your way. I keep going out into the garden this morning just to breathe in the fresh Autumnal air - ahhh!

Off to shower, DS has another b'day party later - my taxi driver status is getting more official by the week . I am so turning into my Mother .

p.s. yes they do Santa one's too - very cute!

Hello Loving the hallowe'en smilies. I din't start posting til March. Do they do Christmas ones too?

Happy birthday to LBM and Cupcake Next year you should both get an extra card and present Happy birthday to annie's DS too.

Just a quick post to let you know that my blood tests came back low risk for both Downs and Spina Bifida - Phew! Hadn't realised just how stressed I was until the results came in. Oh and my weakened tummy muscles mean that I felt Wriggler doing some definite kicks this morning!

Will catch up properly later. Happy Saturday everyone.

oooh, the halloween smileys are back

Just a quickie beofre I head down to Friday night chocolate and tv (True Blood and The Wire) anyone watching TB? Lots of vampires having lots of sex - it takes me back to my youth not that I had sex with vampires but you know the sheer enthusiasm ahh...

Anyway I digress...

Just wanted to say Happy Birthday Cupcake and LBM and happy little people birthday Annie's DS and MM's DD . Annie we did softplay for DS party this year and so painless compared to hosting it at home, they even had candles as I DH had forgotten them. Hope your ear clears up for good soon. Thanks for explaining Health in PG grant - yes its UK-wide and v. easy just send off the form after 25 weeks et voila in your account two weeks later

4ever - we are all sitting in a circle holding your hand and will be for the next, ooh 32 weeks. MS is awful, awful , awful - have you tried cold water with ice cubes and slice of lemon? It helped me alot.

Sorry for lack of more personals, I'm puggled. Off to watch the horny vampires x

annie x posted betwwen biritos for tea.

dh and I enjoy having little 'spats' its okish but I tend to sneak off a faior bit

I like Ted too actually, yep nice name and way better than Bruce!
4ever writen down they look formidable but we will all weeble our way through them together with you and at east we all get lots of cake this weekend if cupcakes dh has anything to do with it!

bakingqueen sending you masses of love and continuing strength.x

moon thinking of youx

hoping ditto for you to young lady hope you are finding yourself and seeing the blue sky.

neeko get that sofa out and don't move all weekend.x

barbie enjoy yourself

vjay whoop it up after your exam

ds is now coming down with a cough too so we are tucking up on the sofa with friday nite goodies

Lovely 4ever-im so glad to hear you are feeling really sick, tired sore boobs etc, all really good positive signs. As for the bleeding gums, get yourself some Corsodyl mouthwash, perfectly safe in pregnancy, may stain teeth a little but if you do drink tea or coffee, rinse mouth out well before you use mouthwash, may be worth seeing your dentist/dental hygienist for a scale and polish, should calm bleeding gums down.
Re the £190, its available to all pregnant women in the UK, just need a signed form from your midwife, available after you get to 25 weeks, takes approx 2 weeks paid directly into bank account.
Bless your lovely DH, mine is great too

*LBM-Sorry, i had forgotten to say so happy for you on your BFP

cupcake-Have a lovely birthday,and hope DH job situstion improves soon.

Jools-Thinking of you sweetie, as others have said, it may be all you need, just to take the pressure of thinking about TTC, and it just happens, i really hope so. Men just dont really 'get' how we feel sometimes, no matter how lovely, caring etc they are.

VJaySabsand Lion-hope our cyber nephews and niece are doing well and you new mummies arent too tired.

Barbie-Glad you had good shopping spree. Bless you for having a tear in Mothercare.Glad your DH is home soon.

Neeko-Not long till your 20 week scan, the 4 weeks will go by quickly,hopefully. Re the swine flu vaccine i was adamant i wasnt going to have it, but after the recent news of the pregnant girl dying, and the girl who died shortly after giving birth, im rethinking

Iggy hoping and moon-keeping everything crossed for you lovelies that you get your BFP,s soon.

BakingQueen-Fingers crossed for you this month too, you all so deserve it. Does the clomid make you feel any different, i mean more nauseous/tired etc?

Mermaid-LOL at your DH, bless! Hope you Ok, and working with DH is still going well.

Big waves to Blue MrsKate* GracieCurly Buddha MM and anyone else lurking.

Hi lovely positive 4ever you will get through all tose hurdles and we'll be here holding your hand!
I LOVE that you love the name Teddy too just HOW cute would a little Teddy be. I'm glad someone might get to use it anyway

Right, off in 20 mins so must do some packing and nail-painting

Hello Cupcake!!! Sounds like you're getting spoilt! Good! Agree maybe get your sis to also mention how you feel to your mum, even our dearest that havent experienced this just wont ever really get it sadly... My mum just dont get how rough I feel, & keeps saying oh hope you feel better soon & im like - NO mum its good to feel sick if it goes I will panic! Let your mum make it up to you on your birthday tomorrow!

Also forgot to say Happy Birthday to LBM!!

Wow thats what i like to see! Thread back on full chatterbox mode! YAY! Have been lurking & just got new phone that says thread to big to read [SHOCK] so may have to change it! Now, where to start....?!

Cupcake at name choice! DH & I have been set on Teddy since before we were married! DH is massive spurs fan & its after Teddy Sheringham!! I love it after nearly 5 yrs of it growing on me! We have girls name set too! Happy birthday to you for the weekend & the next 2 wks will be here before you know it (4ever does best to believe that too!) xx

Barbie had to laugh at your clippers tale & also confess that I havent stopped waxing, & also invested in ladyclippers years back & never use the guard! I like to be preened & pruned if you know what I mean! Sooo glad DH is back 2moro - you make the most of his return!

Hey lovely Neeko at your big (.)(.) Mine are a measly b cup but soooooo sore at the mo! Hows the decorating & the grand unveiling of sofa? I got a lovley terracotta 3 & 2 piece when I moved here about 8yrs ago & still fab, wipeable, practicle & lush, tho the leather smells long gone now! xx Im also a little freaked at the news & swine flu vacine debate?!?!? Shall ask consultants but after 4mc gut screams no to it..

Blue hello up there! Whats all this about pregnancy grants? Are you entitled doon souf too?

Bakinqueen all crossed this month but intrigued by thoughts on adoption. I always had the back up plan in my head that if it doesnt work out for us (& will try another several times god forbid) that eventually we WILL be parents, even if its down the adoption route. We all know what its like in the supermarket - cute kids everywhere giving big grins, can you imagine a poor parentless cutie asking 'will you be my mummy?' It makes me melt & something Id still consider even if all is well...

Jools to read some of your posts, I really agree removing the pressure has to help & thats prob what DH thinks he is doing, echo that you should take time out, stop counting days, have a break til new year, enjoy each other, take a hol, do different things, go on dates - have YOU time, & then re-adress all options, tests, clomid, even IVF. As said having lots of back up plans has always been in my agenda... Sending a HUG xx

Thanks for all the wise kind words lovely Mermaidshellcollector yep, felt a weeny threatened by idea that first ante natal is on 24th & never actually made it to any prev 4 booked apts so now doubly scared for next scan on tues!!!! One day at a time.... tick tick tick.... Hope all is well with you & still praying & hoping you know! Always will.. xx

Curly lovely to hear from you lots again! Im & a bit scared you are still so sick! Beautiful that you are bonding & so in love with your Curlygirl When are you back home?

Annie good move with your DD party!

LBM hey close due date buddy! Still awestruck you held off testing so long! Im officially 7wks today tho hosp are saying Im 8wks on tues!!!

Big wave to the lovely Iggs really holding out for you, and for Hoping & Moon too! xxx

Mrskate double and at your (.)(.) too btw!!!!! Big wave to Gracie when you speak to her!

Vjay hope the exams went well! Big cuddle to baby Ajay! xx

Sabs hope Saara is letting you get some sleep & mum is still helping out! Big wave to Lion too xxx

Well - Im proud at my mammoth post contribution to our busy little thread again! Spent most of last night awake feeling sick, I have no pattern at all so panic when Im ok! Still v weak & in bed til 11ish then sofa til 3ish, bath, back to sofa while DDDDDDH does everything, then bed by 9-10ish for 12hr sleeps! Crazy dreams, sore boobs, bleeding gums & cant face most food so all good I guess! Willing tues to be here... Scared of ante natal on 24th as never got to one before Panic factor growing as normally goes wrong between wk 8-9 & hosp put me at 8wk on tues (tho I know Im 7wk today). So next hurdle, get past scan on tues, next hurdle ante natal wk 2moro, next hurdle get past wk 9 & 10 scan, then hurdle of nuchal scan cos no3 had big abnormality.. Im not obsessing tho, trying to keep up with the PMA & cos of the yukky weak sickiness its just a question of getting through each day in slightly zombiefied state so really not dwelling too much....

Anyway lovelies! I'll be lurking later if silly new pho lets me! Great to see so much chat again & apologies for those I missed! xxx

Haha Barbie, love the prediction of Curlygirl ...also LOVE the cake, thanks!
My bday is tomorrow Neeko, LBM is yours same day?? Hope you have a lovely weekend!
Dh is currently sneaking around being very secretive saying 'don't come in the lounge' then 'don't go in the kitchen'..what's going on! haha feeling quite spoilt today cos my salon gave me a free birthday wash-and-blow-dry so I have lovely styled hair now
Neeko I was at my Mum too. I didn't have the heart to tell her how upset I was but have gone about it to dh ever since! Might chicken out and get my sister to tell her it was out of order...just don't want it to get to a few weeks' time and when I tell people they're all like 'oh yeah your Mum told me!' anyway, I'll stop going on about it now!

Ooh annie enjoy the clearing-up free party wink] rubbish about ear infection

Curly I loved what you said about curlygirl too, beautiful. can't wait til she arrives!

Hi mermaid I thought of Bruce Forsyth too, haha!

Had another mini-meltdown re dh's job this morning but determined to put that aside and enjoy the weekend with my love family

happy birthday girls!

Hope you all have fab weekends, i will be spending some much needed time with dh so might not be posting for a few days ill lurk though....

mm hope your dd birthday goes well, brave you for having it at home

annie i think you made the right choice re having the party else where! get them all hyper on sweeties and party bag and send them all home to unsuspecting parent!
Hope the ear infection goes soon....

did everyone lke my link to the curlys baby...looking into my crystal ball is saw her......ha ha

I am finally sitting down, i went shopping for some more clothes as none of my bottoms fit...it was very successful and i came away with linen trousers, shorts, 2 x dresses and a top...all in the sale bar the top! So now i can go out in public!

Oh and i saw mothercare had a sale on so sneaked in....ended up really wanting to buy something (the first thing i have brought) found a tiny bib saying i love daddy and had to have it it was soooooo emotional, ended up crying at the till blaming something in my eye to the poor sales guy....ran out of there so fast....now baby has so many bibs!

Love to you all xxx