Emmsy's in weeble land....Where weeble's wobble but don't fall down!

Hi all.
Congrats again 4ever. Know you won't relax until after the baby is born the 13 week scan but try to enjoy the next couple of days. Hope the lovely EPU staff have recognised your wobblyness and you have another scan soon. Told Cupcake and Blue your news (cos I was so excited ) and they're really pleased for you too.

Sabs Lovely to hear from you. We would never forget about you. Can't believe Saara is 3 weeks already - my pregnancy doesn't seem to be going as fast as your baby is growing Very impressed by you and Vjay and the one-handed typing.

mermaid If in doubt drop the phone to fix it! Hope you're having a relaxing productive day.

Curly nice to have you back safe and well. Wriggler tapped on my tummy again last night. Has me grinning for hours. can't believe that's you just back to your pre-pregnancy weight. The sickness must be awful.

Iggy Hi to you. Hope you're managing to keep up your PMA. Giving up TTC for a few months must be quite liberating, no? P.S. When are you going to post a pic of your horse?

Barbie Hope you and baby Barbie have refuelled and work wasn't too hard today.

Jools Hope you manage some fun in Amsterdam and you're feeling a bit happier about everything.

LBM Gold star to you on a huge step. Nerve wracking I know, but remember what they say about lightning and the same place.

Moon Hope you're lurking. Big hug to you.

I had my ante-natal physio class today. Loads of really useful tips and a fab 20 min relaxation exercise at the end. I want to go every week but unfortunately it's a one-off deal

Hi to everyone else, lurkers and posters alike.

Great news 4ever . I have just managed to book my booking in appt with the mw's. Like you, kind of feel I'm jinxing it as my mc was a day after my booking in appt last time. But I either book the appointment or bury my head in the sand untill I pop - probably not a good idea!

My birthday was fine, curly although I did fall asleep quite early - arranged to go out for an early meal and DH was not impressed when we got back and I got on my pj's - his comment that I looked like Rupert the Bear was not exactly complimentary!

Good to hear you so chipper, iggy

Sorry must go - supposed to be working!

whoooooopppppiiiieeeeeee

4ever you must be over the moon, so happy for you. I was thinking about you all day at work and then at the time of your scan i came over all sick and had to rush to the bathroom....i think it was nerves for you!

sabs hello! Im waiting for more pics to be posted on fb...come on get your dh to do it! Glad you are ok 3 weeks already!

Im just sorting out some food, will be back laters xxx

YAY thats great news!

Hi to mermaid Hope you're well

That is fab news! So pleased - keep checking back to see for news.

4ever

ahh dropped phone and now its working and yeahhhhh message from 4ever baby bean is fine with strong heartbeat

I havn't got any reception on my phone stamps foot so I am hoping that 4ever is ok.
sabs being a mum means you need 8 hands and several brains glad you are ok.

hello all. Just a quick note to say good luck to 4ever for today.

i'm always lurking so dont forget about me I always start writing a post, but then get distracted or interrupted,and by the time I go back to he post, its out of date

Will try to post an update on Saara later on, who is already going to be 3 weeks tomorrow. Writing this with my left hand while trying to put her to sleep so excuse my spelling mistakes

4ever honey I have such a strong feeling that everything will be okay tomorrow but I remember how stressed and negative that I got before my early scans and I don't think there is anything I can say that will stop you stressing after all you have been through. So please just have a big hug and some hairstrokes, and it will be tomorrow before you know it big hugs for your lovely dh also, you are very lucky people to have such a wonderful relationship and you will get through this together. Work is absolutely crazy so won't get to lurk tomorrow. If you get a chance please send me a text, I will be thinking of you xxx

Moon I hope you are okay. Please send us on your number and email because I hate that we can't text you when you need a virtual hug Hang in there a little while longer. November could be bluemoon month xxx btw I love that poem -it's christina rossetti isn't it, it's always made me cry.

barbie thanks so much, I love curlygirl baby though I might freak out if she looks like that on the next scan Enough of that funny business with dh okay, I'm looking forward to this lesson from *blue on the alternatives

annie hope you are feeling better. How did the party go?

lbm how was your birthday? hope you didn't fall asleep When is your next scan btw?

baking fingers and everything crossed for you and clomid this month xxx

cupcake how was your birthday? I'm glad you were spoilt, you deserve it. Hope the bean is nice and snuggly in there Sorry for traumatising you and mermaid talking about Bruce Forsyth. I can honestly say I've never fantasised about doing bad things to that brucie

How is ds doing mermaid. I like the sound of the friday night goodies

Yay for tummy kicks and a low risk of downs neeko. Love the name too

buddha it's great (not really but you know what I mean ) that you are the same, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that has been sick this long, though I think MM may be too. I'm also getting sick the same amount and usually just in the evenings. I am finally back to my pre-pregnancy weight though and the bump is growing so thankful for that Hope DH's interviews go well this week. Keep us posted hon

jools and iggy you are fantastic and it is great to hear you both taking control no matter how sad you are feeling xxx

lots of love and big waves to racyblue mls hoping ginger kate gracie mm vjay lion and sabs

4Ever - will be sat in Gatwick airport tomorrow lunchtime, waiting for a flight to Amsterdam (work) and thinking of you x x x

Glad to hear you so cheery Iggy That's a good sign.

Moon Mentioned you on email to MLS last night and she would like to get in touch with you. I don't think you've added your number to the Emmsy email though, have you? Let me know.

4ever all crossed for you tomorrow. Chin up!

mermaid I'd no idea you'd had counselling for so long. You've always seemed been so strong since we "met" in March when your emotions must have been so raw. Belated big hug to you. I still have high hopes for your commando status yielding a blue or pink result.

Barbie Your DH needs to behave. He can have you back in 6 months - if you're not too tired

Blue You clearly need to give Barbie a master class in "alternatives"

I must think about you all too much as last night I had a dream that we'd all made it and the last Emmsy's baby had been born (no idea who had it BTW)Woke with a lovely feeling of completeness (?) and truly hope it was a premonition.

Hi to everyone else x

4ever muchly thinking of you for tomorrow xx

mermaid the decison was taken for me on job - they said that they had to freeze the recruitment process for money reasons (not good sign) but will be in touch in Nov... I think I will pull out and wait for something better!

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts - please don't feel sad for me tho - I am absolutely cheery at the mo

xx

Just a quick message as busy few days here will have my fingers and toes crossed for you tomorrow 4EVER hoping everything goes well for you this time because you deserve it x

Mermaid I didnt realise our 4th MC were so close together hon, life is so bloody mean & cruel isnt it? Thank you for your lovely text, both you & Neeko helped.. Blue knowing we all share this irrational fear at the start of preg & how bloody hard these first weeks are makes me feel not so guilty for losing faith a weeny bit... Thanks again girls xxx

DDDDDDDH has, as usual, been phenomenal with his strength, although he admitted he is obviously bricking it too, as he said we have to believe & so long as we know we will get through anything together & we have our plan (to survive, stronger, more in love & WILL be parents by any means neccesary..) then we will cope with anything. I feel more pragmatic & what will be will be. Im daring to hope again, cos feel so damn guilty for losing faith in baby. As I said to Mermaid I think the overwhelming doom may actually be complete fear as I approach my 8wk dangerzone. Hosp put me at 8wk tomorrow, but I think its friday. Also scared that ante natal is on sat & never made it to one so scared that its jinxed but have to step away from those thoughts.. One day at a time I guess... Strangely something that made me feel better was reading my horoscope on teletext! Im desperately looking for any sign you see, but it said; 'You are nearly there Pisces, dont give up when you are so close to the finishing line, something that did not work out before, is set for success this time around, so have faith'!!! I never read stars, but as said desperately looking for a message & was in tears reading that!

My scan is at 12pm again tomorrow (tho last wk not seen til 12.30pm) so please all hold hands, hum & pray for us?!? Thanks again girls xxxxxx

being on a hamster wheel is a good analogy blue and they get to sleep all day whereas we have to try and be normal

moon god was it only june no wonder you are feeling like you do and the thought of you feeling so very down is hearbreaking.
I went for councelling about a year after my first mc and it did help more than I thought it would.
Please keep talking, never worry about 'a selfish post' because it does not exist.
Even though I went comando in august the wish for a bfp never leaves me. My 4th mc was on January 27th 09 and I havn't managed a bfp since then so I know that left behind feeling all too well but I 'count my blessings' daily.

Hang on with us tightly.xx

barbie your naughty dh, give him a light slap

iggy I keep meaning to ask about your job decision. Glad you are ok and looking forward to 2010 and some blue sky.

jools love you heaps.xx

4ever We will all keep positive and forward thinking when you are not feeling strong enough and a day at a time we will get you through this Please let us know waht time your scan is.x

Oh 4ever lovely - its so hard not to think doom and gloom . I was so sure this pg was heading towards mc that I almost wished it so the uncertainty would be over - how f*cked up is that? Nothing is guaranteed but you have to stay positive, you're pregnant today, you saw baby last week (), we can only keep praying this one's a fighter and will be beating away at the scan tomorrow.. These early weeks are the hardest weeks of our life, bar none. Your DH will be a Dad, a lovely summer Dad to boot .

Moon, Iggy, Jools - sending another big hug. To echo 4ever's words, its not a race. Taking a break can be so beneficial to get off the hamster wheel of cycles and symptom spotting and the whole shebang... 2010 will be your year!

Neeko and Moon - those poems were beautiful. I don't have one but my wise Mum has a great saying which I clung onto "this too will pass" and it does, no matter how low we get, it does pass, the sun does come out again, the sad memories fade, we grow stronger and move into a new chapter. Moon - have you phoned your doc re: counselling?

Buddha - sorry I didn't send a personal after your post. Really hope something better comes up for your DH but he has at least got something... you've only put on a stone, I've put on two and have two months to go...

Barbie - you look after yourself and put that DH of your's on a sex ban . Mine has been on one since April (although there are other ways to skin a cat as they say....)

Oh and while i'm in the mood for my late Gran's wisdom she was a great believer in her saying "The mair you pee, the less you greit" (Cry) So to that end along with the virtual hugs I'm sending you all a toilet roll Get peeing, ladies

P.S. Try it. It works. She was a very wise lady.

Sneaking on despite the big brother eye watching me to send a hug to all of you who need it today. Back at work today, so might not be posting much but sending telepathic happy vibes and hugs your way and hoping the sun shines for you again soon.

4ever It's not over yet so stop thinking like it is. A loss of symptoms on any given day means nothing and could easily be a reaction to how down you are feeling. Yes this is the scariest thing you've ever done, and yes you're feeling under pressure because everything rests with you, but you're doing the best you can and if this bean's meant to be a fighter (and I'm sure it is) no loss of symptom or weebly wobble will change that. Have faith and dare to hope unless told otherwise - and that's an order Seriously big hug and hand hold. it such a bugger than none of this is easy...

Just wanted to post again to Iggy Jools, Moon and Hoping... Please do remember that we have all felt left behind, and I remember feeling resentful & angry about it only too well. I joined MN when 'support for mummies of lost angels' was still in the MC section after 3rd loss in 10m in July-Sep08. After retained product & 2 erpcs for one baby, then all the recurrent MC tests, I finally fell preg again with my 4th & tested on 1st Jan this year. On 30th Jan after 2 scans seeing a heartbeat, my baby had died, again. I had my 4th erpc on Jan 31st. I have spent the whole rest of this year watching the site move from MC to conception & everyone, even those that joined way later, go on to get preg again. It was hard, yes, but please girls, give yourselves some time. After my 4th loss in Jan it took me til Sept to fall again. Moon I saw your profile & that you MC in Feb & June of this year. Its no time passed at all really in the great scheme of things & you will all fall again, this isnt a race, so please try & remove some of the pressure you are putting on yourselves...

Barbie lovely to see you back hon, sorry to hear about bleeding Docs banned me & DH too til 12wks but so scared anyway!

I am s myself about tomorrow & have had complete overwhelming all consuming sense of doom all weekend. I too have had permanently downturned mouth & wondering how to smile again. My poor DH has been trying to keep me positive but Im so so scared. He came upstairs in tears yest, whilst he cooked our roast & watched the grand prix he saw the bit where Jenson won & said 'Tell my Dad I Love him' & his Dad replied 'I Love you too son' & DH was in tears that he wanted to be a dad so much....

Im so scared whether I will make him one. My sicky symptoms seem to have subsided in past few days & not so weak either. DH said we could always go for scan today instead, but almost feel like I want to delay the inevitable Im really trying to believe in this one & that its diff cos we had our treatment, but why is my heart & soul so heavy with fear & doom?

Im back!!!

I tried to post so many times over the weekend but ive been so emotional and reading moons post really floored me...then i composed myself and read jools post and the tears started all over again We all know the feelings all too well, it hurts me so much to know you are upset, i want to be able to do something for you all iggy and all the other ladies too....i think thats whats so hard, there is nothing i can do or say that will make things any better, its like seeing a family memember in trouble or hurting and not being able to go and help...i feel really useless All i can do is to continue to be here and support you all when you need the support. Nobody is left behind, we are all in this together. Take heart from all the positive things that has happened on this thread, it can and will be you....massive hugs!

4ever how are you getting on...barbie is bitting her nails while waiting.....

Hello to everyone else, im at work so have to limit the time on here...just wanted you to know i havent disappeared!

Dh is home and its sooooo nice, well apart from having some more bleeding i blame men and their willies...after a month of no contact...well you can guess the rest so due to this i have had two days of spotting, thankfully the midwife isnt concerned and i can feel some moments. I think i will ban dh from coming near me again which seems a shame cos he bought me some lovely agent provocator underwear....ho hum.

Anyways hope you are all good, speak soon love from me x

moon I know how you feel - I have often felt like we are the ones left behind (please feel no guilt anyone else tho!) - sometimes is hard to post on this thread. But i wouldn't ever leave it.

I am doing the same as jools as I think I want a break until new year. I am going to enjoy partying over xmas and riding my horse and I am going to try to be happier.

I was thinking as I was driving in this morning that there is barely a moment in the day that I am not thinking about having had an MC, and I've only had 1 I don't feel like that will ever change...

Anyway - I am quite happy at the moment although I also still get the tearful miserable days - I hope they will lessen.

2009 is not our year - 2010 is!

Massive big hug to the lovely brave jools as well. I've been thinking of you honey xxx

Moon just got back from my trip and your message has me in tears You poor love, I'm sorry I wasn't around to talk last night, but we're never going to go away as long as you need us honey. The other girls have summed things up beautifully but I'd like to say what I think I said to 4ever before that everything can change in one beautiful minute. I know how hard it is to wait. About 3 months after my MC lots of people got pregnant on the thread, and then gradually over the next few months everyone else seemed to be leaving me behind. It's so hard not to despair, there is nothing wrong with you - life has just dealt you a rotten hand this year. Have a massive hug from me and all of us - we really care about you honey and things will get better soon. Just hang in there lovely xxxx

I'm absolutely wrecked so will catch up properly tomorrow but just wanted to send my love to everyone

jools i seem to read of everyones posts through misty eyes, so i know where you are coming from. i hear you on the dark thoughts too. on friday on the way to work, i wondered what would happen if i didnt go round the roundabout if you get what im saying. its really hard work to pretend you are ok when you know you arent, its exhausting in itself. i hope you manage to find some inner calm with yourself during your ttc break. we're here with you xx

Moon - I keep coming back here and trying to post to you, but then my eyes fill up and I can't see the screen

You are not alone - we are just bringing up the rear in this leapfrog race - at one point, I was feeling guilty because I was PG and poor Barbie who had been around on the thread longer than me was still waiting for AF - now look where she is

We are pretty much in synch aren't we ? My AF started on Tuesday and I am resolutely NOT counting days ! On Friday, I was so stressed, tearful, emotional etc etc etc, I was physically sick on the way into work and had to stop in a cafe and have a coffee to pull myself together - I knew if I went home, I'd be a sobbing mess and needed the distraction of work. I was so down that day, I couldn't see a way out or back up and was scaring myself with some very dark thoughts

I've had a good weekend and kept myself really really busy but the emotion has to come out somewhere - on the way back from the gym this evening, I started thinking about life, the universe and how I was feeling and what glorious plans, hopes and dreams I had in my head this time last year. I ended up sobbing uncontrollably in the shower. OK, ish now, but the slightest thing will set me off.

What does keep me going through days like this, is that my diary tells me I get these feelings to some degree every month - just after AF has finished and you think you've got away with minimal PMT, then this hits I'm sure it is MC's, continuing to mess with your body and hormones. Perhaps if you are like me and it is happening at the same stage of your cycle, you can recognise it as hormonal and put it in the "pesky hormones" box as something that is understood AND WILL PASS

I don't have a crystal ball, so won't tell you it will all be OK, but you have plenty of time on your side and, as others have said, look at the success stories - evidenced by the ever diminishing small / no pants brigade

I've given up TTC till Christmas (or quite possibly permanently) - maybe take some time out till the New Year and focus on rediscovering yourself and the life you had before TTC took over - inside somewhere is that version of Moon, knocking on the door to be let out and help you through this x x