Emmsy's in weeble land....Where weeble's wobble but don't fall down!

Fifi sorry Im oh woe me at the mo, but here is a hug.. This is a long road, the girls on here will help you through... x

x post barbie - you are very sweet honey, and I know I should cling onto your hope story, but all I can think is 2 years ago today I was losing my first baby.. I ended up rushed to hospital & given morphine & having it removed with forceps cos was stuck in my cervix. Then I lost another one, and another one, and another one. Here I am 2 very long years later at 34 not knowing if I will ever make my husband a daddy... I know it can happen but as moon says it feels like I have no luck, almost like im being punished. Iv had redundancy hanging over me for 2 yrs too & a whole heap of other worries.. Its just s*. I try & be positive but tbh the whole 'acting strong brave & normal' thing is wearing thin. When my dad died I felt I didnt want to inflict my grief on others, thats what Im doing now, but once in a while I feel like snapping...

MLS i had to do a hpt last wednesday and the line was so faint i had to hold it up to the light to see it, and that was just under 3 weeks from my mc.....thinking of you and praying everything is ok

I've struggled the last couple of days, finding myself crying randomly and getting annoyed and upset at everything...i've had to take another wek off work which i didnt want to do but i don't think i can go in and face everyone

Big hugs to Moon I sympathise with your meltdown so much & need to vent & be heard. Im right with ya honey...

Hoping that sounds very healthy hon & exactly what we are doing, as I said if it happens by xmas, or even our birthdays in spring that will be great, but am in exact same place as you & cant do a military planned sex life & sink into depression when AF gets me, have really worried for my sanity lately, so up & down, & very alone.
Not spoke to any mates about this for a long long time & now drifted from most. The bf who had her 2nd baby is wrapped up in a bubble & feel cant chat to her now either. TBh feeling crap & today. The last week was hellish with all my dates & feel like no-one apart from dh, mum & you girls give a f*.. I just want the chance to be a mum & make dh a dad, but shit scared this will happen for a 5th time I try & be positive & pull myself up, but its tiring.

MLS hon, lots of positive stories for you there from the girls.. Wish I could get you to thurs quicker.. Hope what I said to you yesterday helped a bit & you ok? Was worried didnt hear back cos want to give you hope & could only advise on my own experience with cyclogest...

mls moon don't feel bad about posting how you feel. You are in a really tough place right now and you can feel how you feel. We are all here for you so post away, and don't worry! When you've got a lovely wiggly bean scan waving away with a good healthy heartbeat then you'll be in a position to hold all our hands. For now take care of yourselves and let us take of you.

cupcake still so pleased for you, and glad you've got something lined up. relocating is scary but we're only a mouse click away. will catch my email for that coffee!

ladies, made a big decision. Now we know that we will have a baby one day, even with a tough slog, we've decided to stop TTCing for the rest of the year. With the building site house, the job insecurities, the recurrent MCs and messed up hormones getting in the way of the next BFP it is just too much for us and we need a break. I'm fed up of only having one thing on my mind, of my sex life needing military planning, of having to dash to the loos to cry everytime I see a pg lady, and I really hate the 2WW.

We're young. We have time. So until 1st Jan 2010 I'm joining Mermaid in taking my small pants off (whoever was writing gracie those pervy emails probably had a field day with that image )

I'm not going anywhere though...

Morning everyone

I did an hpt this morning & it was just as dark as the one I did a week ago & it's very positive - in fact you couldn't get a more positive hpt. Surely if I'd had a mmc nearly 3 weeks ago it would have started to get lighter by now??

I'm sorry for my self-centered rambly posts but I'm in my own personal hell & I'm desperately trying not to fall over the edge.

Moon, blue is right, everything feels wse during af.. Neeko text me a few weeks back saying I would feel better when af was over nd I so didn't believe her, but she was right
I'm with you on looking forward to next year; this one has been cruel. I'd quite like to sleep through the next 3 months in fact...

Thanks LBM for your kind words

Barbie - had a big fat reading you felt your lo move today, just lovely.

MLS - hope your taking strength from barbie and mrskate's stories.

Hi Cupcake - I knicker checked so much it was beyond . Even did it slyly in car one day when no-one was around... Glad your new job is going well and you're amongst folk who care . Hunker down and get through the next few weeks...

Moon - have a huge hug. You've had a rotten year and everything feels worse when you're in the middle of AF. Ramble on here as much as you like, typing it all down is good for you and better than bottling it up.

I'm knackered and off to bed, later lovelies x

MLS How did I forget you..... So good to hear from you and that you are trying to be positive. Whatever the result, it sounds like you have a very well planned holiday next week. As with everyone else lots of sticky bean thoughts.

Mrskate - you too , a dating scan on Friday? Time is flying for you too, although I'm sure it doesn't feel like it.

Barbie Have I told you that I think you are having a boy? With all the trouble he's causing you , he must be a boy. No girl would cause her mum so much stress!!

Barbie - LO moving!!!!! How fab is that
Yes it is an expensive bucket but your baby desrves the best bucket!!

Cupcake - as you know mums are always right ( in this case she is) and if you have to move, your friends will travel to see your little one!!

pat on the back to 4ever - the month will be over before you know. Have a chilled zen like evening

Moon - I think that we are here for meltdowns aren't we? You're not rude just understanably **ed off with life and getting it off your chest here helps, methinks.

Boo Hiss to the evil witch again - I need to go and cook some tea!

i feel a bit about yesterday now, especially when there are others in worse situations than me. and i never said hello to anyone, how rude am i? i've just had an exceptionally bad year, so many bad things have happened, not only the 2 mcs, so i am feeling a bit like someone forgot to hand out any luck to me. thought these things happened in 3s, not more than that? oh well, please ignore me being selfish, i am looking forward to next year, cant be any worse than this one. turning into a bit of a rambly post, please excuse....

Evening girls, thanks so much for all your congratulations you're all so lovely!
It all just feels so surreal. Am convinced we will have to relocate for dh job and really scared about being friendless with a LO... my Mum says babies are the best way to make new friends (I told her the news on Sat) which I know is true, but I want my current friends around me
I know, I know, I shouldn't be feeling down when I have got my BFP, but everything feels very scary.
I started a temp job with our church today which is ok- good to be around people I know & love. Heard from the other job that I was successful but post now on hold cos they can't afford it...this country is going to the dogs!

Still no brown spotting (I'm knicker-checking way too much!) which is good as had it from day 1 with my last bean. (Still can't believe there's a new bean)

Jools sorry your body is playing tricks on you wanted you to join me on the bench... there's still hope though. But if not your holiday is perfect timing!

Vjay loved your little Alex update...still just so chuffed for you.

Sabs & Lionstar hope you're both not too fed up!

Iggy so gutted for you really thought we'd get our BFPs the same month. Fingers crossed for October then we will at least only be a few weeks apart

Moon so soooo sorry you are back with one foot in meltdownland made me really sad to read that. Have a huge hug; we all love you x

Hoping and Bq so sorry TEW got you too hoping if you are getting spotting so early on in your luteal phase you should talk to your doc about supplements. My fab nutrition book says taking something called 'fertility blend' (it's american but if you look up what's in it there are similar products here) massively increases progesterone and lengthens the LP...
(By the way am going to email you about that coffee..)

MLS thinking of you loads. I remember the week between my 6 & 7 week scan was the longest EVER and well remember that feling of dread. So hoping it is a case like barbie's and you can head off on hols smiling.

Neeko thanks for being so pleased for me how are you lovely? Not long now til you're a fully-fledged bigpanter, YAY!

Well that was a rather big post...!

My boobs are still sore too - and still no AF and no PMT

Thanks Barbie & MrsKate, I need to hear loads of stories like that! Barbie yes I do remember now you say it that your dates were all over the place. How you lasted 2 weeks between scans is beyond me.

I'm feeling a bit more positive today. My boobs are definitely tender & that can only be a good thing?

hi all mls the same happend to me this time i thought i was nearly 7 weeks but had scan and the baby was the size of a 5-6 week baby its due to funny cycle mine varied from 30 to 35 days . we will see on friday for me if all is well. for my dating scan god knows what size it will show .

hope you are doing ok and big hugs for thursday

xxxxx

Damn that AF Hoping Onwards with your battle plan!

MLS take heed of what Vjay just said too..

Jools well holidays are the place to prepare for pregnancy hon! You lay on the beach & let the laidbackness wash over you & you'll be up the duff in no time Glad to hear you sounding positive sweetie xx When do you actually go? Im

All good with me, meant to say thanks to all on fri for being so lovely about my dads birthday.. You're all so sweet, none of RL mates even remembered but thats cool, he was my dad not theres! We 'all' enjoyed our chinese & spent the weekend pottering around the house & garden, v chilled...

Its 2yrs today since my first miscarriage, I'm not dwelling, as said to MLS earlier, Im more determined than ever. So, thats 3 of the dates I was dreading all done in the space of 6 days.. Phew. (4ever pats self on back!). Last up is another edd (now 1st birthday) of no 2 on 26th sept, however my bf was due then - but had her dd early, & of course so are Sabs and Lion so will be nice that Emmsys graduates 2 & 3 will make it a good day...

Been working like a trooper today so lotsa love to you all xxxxxxxxx

oh MLS - just wanted to squeeze your hand reading your post . I would feel exactly the same. It does sound good though if you didn't get a BFP 'til CD28 with a possible late implantation. A week out at this stage can make all the difference. Summoning up every sticky vibe for Thursday's scan, you SO deserve a good outcome x

Sorry to hear about the TEW turning up Iggy Moon and Hoping...

Good to hear from you MLS Fingers still firmly crossed, and I'll be sending good vibes from a Spanish beach on Thursday

Moon - just remember, AF + hormones = meltdownland - it will pass - just treat it with choc and wine

4Ever - am trying to emulate your laidback attitude Struggling at the mo - boobs are killing again this morning and am feeling v v v nauseous. A teeny bit of brown when wiping now, but not on the right schedule for my normal AF, so who knows I'm sure all will become clear in the next 24 hours and, in the meantime, I'm flat out with work

Back later ....

mls on one of my early scans the dates were a bit out, the doctor did say that it's very hard to date so early on because one slight move with the mouse can add or knock off a few days, so hang in there

feck it, spotting's started

MLS - my thoughts are with you, obviously, have been all weekend... Glad you posted & it was the least I could do to give you some hope.. any chance of getting to EPU sooner? Glad you have a trip away, I think there could still be a chance, its only a week & a half out. Either way my darlin you WILL find the strength. I understand the feeling of the world crashing down & 'this cant happen again' lets just wait til thurs & we'll be holding your hand & praying all the way xxxxxxxxxxx Big hug for being brave & posting xxxxxxx

Big boo to AF Iggy & Bakinqueen I agree that Emmsys twins culd be on the horizon though!

Jools boo hiss to BFN - those blummin identikit symptoms! I've given up trying to tell the difference now! to hear you in a good place about it tho, as said, theres always next month, or the month after
or month after that even.. My approach is now l a i d b a c k..

Oh Moon damn AF... Meltdown is sadly naturally inevitible when we want this so bad so let it all out & dont try & be brave, we understand the dissapointment.. Vent as much as you need... Big hug xxx

Big congrats again to Cupcake That chapter has begun...! Said it to you already, but sooooo pleased for you hon!

Neeko thanks for being a sweetie as ever! Hope you had a chilled one too?

Big wave to the lovely Curly - you forgot to add me in that orderly queue!! Hope all is well, not seen you much?

Mermaid you make me so with your tales of bbq's on the beach & blackberrying, I crave that idyllic rural life!

Big hug to Gracie & your bf, glad you have a relaxing break in cornwall to look forward too!

Oh Barbiebigpants you never fail to amuse with the crazy stories & images you create; at you trying to get into strangers cars in Dubai! However lady - wagging finger - please be blummin careful around hot irons & never, repeat - never, attempt any form of balancing acts when up the duff!

Hey there Blue! Hope all good with you? I was doing a spot of weeding over the weekend too! I like the sound of your gloves, need new ones cos mine are rock solid & the fingers dont bend! Not v good for weeding! Yest was crap in london but sat was blazing so I sunbathed, read mags & drank whilst DH varnished the fence!

MM I like it when you pop in, you must be truly blooming now! When is your anniversary?

You too Buddha! Big waves & hugs! xx

Hoping love love cute baby kittens - awwww! Hope those needles are a clicking & got me bits crossed for a BFP for you!

LBM lovely to see you too, sounds like a fun packed week you had!

No doubt Sabs and Lion are on countdown! Tick tick tick! Hope those bags are packed ladies!

Annie did you go away for that weekend in the end then?

Nice to see you Vjay! Im sure young Alex is keeping you well occupied!

Hello ladies

Thank you all for your messages of support. I'm so so scared, I don't know how many more times I can go through this. The doctor said the embryo is more like a 5 and a half week size rather than the 7 I thought I was. She did say though that the ovary that the egg came from is still functioning & still feeding progesterone to the baby so I suppose that is something. I did think it was strange that I didn't get a bfp until day 28 & it was a very very faint one whereas last time I had a bfp on day 21 & by day 28 it was a dark line. Maybe I had late implantation which would affect the dates? I've heard loads of positive stories about people having scans & being told there was no hope or no heartbeat or even no fetal pole & then going back a week later & it's all changed & they ended up having a healthy pregnancy. I realise I'm clutching at straws but what else can I do? My boobs still hurt on & off & I'm still getting the dull crampy feeling I get with pregnancy. I'm so scared. I'm dreading Thursday. I don't know what to do with myself, I'm trying to keep busy but as soon as I sit down I start thinking & when that happens the dread grips me by the throat.

Thank you as always to Neeko, you have kept me semi-sane & thanks to 4ever for sending me such lovely emails last week. My next scan is Thursday at 2.30. We are going away for 10 days on Friday so I'll either spend that week & a half in an alcoholic haze or counting my blessings & knowing that I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

Well done Cupcake, see sods law at it's best!