Emmsy's in weeble land....Where weeble's wobble but don't fall down!

Ahh bless Vjay lurking & Bon voyage to Jools have a fab time and r e l a x!

I'm lurking and sending you all hugs xx

Jools keep the other test and do it on holiday. Have a great time when you're away BTW.

Meant to say - did a Boots test this morning and BFN, which is why I'm strangely confused at late AF and PG symptoms

Right, 45 mins till my taxi arrives and 3 hours work to do

Neeko Im stepping in for that (((((((HUG)))))) you beautiful soul...

Im trying to remember to stop & smell the roses (hope you like them..)

Oh shit desperately fighting tears reading all your posts.. Where to start? MLS indeed what a fucking week for you with edd as well.. With you on ungrateful preg people, makes my blood boil, also gushing new mums (a'la bf) who seem to totally forget our mc & how hard it is.. Im really praying hard that all will be well for you in the end, but the emotional headfuck this has caused you is appalling & all we can do is hug you & sadly empathise..

Lovelylovelysuperwomanmermaid you quietly let your edd pass by without telling, wish id known to hold your hand, that means we were due at same time? So I bleated on about my edd & it was yours too? No wonder you're p'd off at family cos sounds like you tried to deal with it all on your own, none of my family or friends remember either, not even a tx, thats why I feel all bitter & angry today cos you girls iv not even met have supported more than them & it hurts doesnt it? Sorry you feel so shitty today but voice of experience is that we bottle things up but eventually the lids need to come off.. No need to be so brave, this is what our site is for... Totally know scared to cry cos may not stop, & scared of never finding me again too. On dads birthday it was like his sprit was in me reminding me of who I was - v much like him, full of positive energy, a giver & a do'er, always smiling, as I drove to work this morning I felt so sad that reminder only lasted the one day & here I am back to grey again... Oh, & not leaving work, just my beloved dept

MM you & Mermaid have both made me feel so much less embarassed at my feelings towards friends, they dont tell you about the effect on your relationships do they? I resent that ive supported my oldest bf thru all her neurosis & anger & self inflicted crap, yet nothing back now I need it. Some friendships are 1 way streets I guess. The bf with new dd was the one that suprised me with support & right words thru first 3mc, but we both fell preg in jan, I lost mine & the uncomfortableness started on both sides. Now as mermaids mentioned before after call yest, its like she doesnt want to hear it in case she catches it, tinged with smugness and pity at her childless friend.

Bakingq as much as you all wouldnt know it I absolutely hate self pity, but theres a difference between that & having people acknowledge what we've been through & the feelings we have... thank you for understanding & giving the licence to vent, I feel embarassed cos Im not after sympathy, I just need to get it out & you understand that so thank you... xxx

Well, I dont know whether to say Im glad we are not alone in our greyness today, obviously Id prefer if we were all happy chatty emmsys but this is our reality & im so pleased we can share it with each other - I love you all to the core, you mean the world to me xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Girls. Sorry i don't have time to post individually and so to hear so many of you struggling today. You are all (as always) in my thoughts and prayers.

Can I start a group hug??!!
(((((((((((((H U G)))))))))))

bakingqueen good luck for this month - am sure it will be your time.

meant to add hoping that am considering taking a break if I get offered this other job. Would be wrong to carry on ttc if got to start new job... but that would also be 6 months off. Anyway - only got first round of interviews - so que sera sera...

mm hello to you - am all over the place today and not saying hi to people!

jools

Right - am off into hiding.

xx

mls am thinking of you at the mo. I still have everything crossed for a happy ending.

mermaid that is exactly how I feel - like I can't get myself back... sparkly star for you too xxx

4ever thanks for hand - am grabbing yours too. xx

hoping is nice you having a break xx

come and slump in the greenhouse and munch on 'another bloody tomato' or try one of my jalapeno pepper which are not hot in the slightest
yep its another week of fabulous news and shit times all rolled into one. You poor thing

Thanks Mermaid. I also forgot to add that my 1st edd is this Friday, the day after my scan. What a fucking week.

mls I am trying to imagine a small bright spark of happy endings alive for you. It is so very brutally scary the place where you are. Hold on.xx

Yes sorry I forgot to add Jools what is going on? Can't you just buy a cheapo test & try that?

4ever ramble away that's why we are here. The side of mc that no-one expects or talks about is the toll it takes on relationships with others. I can totally relate to what you are saying about your bf, I had a close friend of many years who like yours was pretty self obsessed and although I had been there for her many times but when the time came for me to look for support she wasn't there. She always had some excuse, our friendship has since dwindled out. On the up side of that I have another friend who has been there 100% even though there have been many times when she says she feels she has no words that she feels are right to say I know she is there whenever, whatever. It does hurt when we are let down by people, I guess we find out who is really a true friend.

Your journey has been long and so very hard for you and DH but you know what is causing the mc now so keep thinking you will fall preg again and you will have the treatment that will let your lo make it so just get through today anyway you know how and keep looking to the future. I've said to barbie before that you are stronger than you know, just a wobble but you can't fall down.

jools hope you enjoy your holiday, interesting about your symptoms, keep us posted.

Hello all

4ever sorry to hear you are in a sad place at the minute. I know nothing I can say will help but just want to let you know I am here if you ever want to talk. Hope you find your way out of this sadness soon. Your time will come I truely believe that and never feel sorry for posting how you feel we all do it here because here is a safe place where we have all been through the pain of mc and when the rest of the world thinks we are coping here is where we can breakdown amongst people who understand and care so that in rl we are more able to cope. Will be thinking of you x

Jools - its not over till af appears hope you get a bfp you so deserve it

Fifi- don't worry about how long it takes to get back to work make sure you are mentally and physically reday before you go back look after you before thinking of work you will get through this I promise x

Hoping- can fully understand why you have decided to take 6 months off hope your ttc holiday brings you the bfp you deserve at the end of it

Vjay- hope your all well seeing pictures of Alex remainds me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us

Barbie - your story gives me inspiration too what a difference a year has made for you. So excited you felt your lo move

Iggy - sorry to hear your feeling blue as well hope a hug will cheer you up.

mls - thinking of you too hope the days goes quickly for you andthe scan brings you the good news we are all hoping for.

Nothing much to report here started on the clomid again going back on 22nd for a scan to see how many follicles there hoping maintaining a zen like calm will work for me this month. When I mc'd I hoped when my edd came around that I would be pregnant again to take away the pain of the memory so this month is my last chance as edd 20th October so trying to not let that stress me out I feel lots of deep breathing will be in order this month.

Love to anyone I have not mentioned xxxx

4ever I'm in the same place as you. It feels like every time I get up I get knocked back down again. Every time I have a tiny flame of hope, it gets extinguished. All around me are pregnant people moaning about how much they are sick of pregnancy & want the baby out, or on fb moaning about morning sickness or on my antenatal thread moaning about weight gain. I wish it was me, I'd love to have a opportunity to moan about all things pregnancy related & believe me if I ever get to that stage I will not utter a single complaint. At the moment I just can't see a happy ending in sight.

sorry I very self absorbidly is that a word x posted - 4ever are you leaving in 2 weeks????? did I miss that bit? god sorry going back to check.

jools ohh honey, please please please get a bfp.xxxx

uggh and too must be something in the air. Spent all morning in tears for the first time in ages and really utterly fed up with close family sweeping stuff under the carpet.
I know life goes on (thank god) but just once in a while a quick squeeze a quick are you ok. Scared if anyone asks I will just never stop crying. my cousin gave birth more or less on my edd the other week I did so bloody well and not even my mum/sister said a word. Yeah I know life moves on...
I just feel grey - do you know what I mean? Like my old self aint ever coming back.
It surprised me, no maybe reasured me that vjay said that she still felt so distant and different after her mcs even with her beautiful bump.

Yesterday on the radio was a lovely bit on Bournemouth hospital having a butterfly garden and special butterfly services for families and their los.
I think thats what has bought everything to the surface. The Vicar was so lovely in the way she spoke about mc. It was very moving.

mls so many thoughts and special sparkly hopes to hold onto being sent your way.x

hoping yep its deeply shit. I know I'm pantless but I tried for nearly 8 months with no sucess and it has driven me mad, work has suffered really badly and I am trying to pick up the pieces so I know where you are. Its a very healthy route to take.xx

iggy yep its pants and I am sending you a hug and a sparkly star just because.xx

4ever think we had all better have a group 'pedicure' I don't like being a weeble it makes me feel giddy.

barbie dear of you you ave had such a long and painful up/down year i felt tired just reading your condensed version. Glad you sis is happy now I had forgotten that.
fab on feeling your lo. and just step away from irons, other peoples cars, um, and most other things

mm so pleased that all is well. Enjoy your anniversary bbq.x

Also offering a hand to Iggy.... Im still so many of you girlys are having a hard time at the mo...

Ignore my ramblings MM and have a lovely Happy Wedding Anniversary!!

Feel better just for getting that off my chest & quite Sorry again everyone. Normal service resumed tomorrow...

Thanks for the kind words MM. The one thing that keeps me going is that we wont give up on this, even if adoption ends up the only way. Ive seen babys hb 3 of the 4 pregs as had scans every week & have loads of pics, with n03 I watched it growing sometimes only 4/5 days between scans, I saw its little hands, toes, little mouth, right to 13 wks. Why is life so cruel to us? Think am just having the fallout from edd last wk, & 2nd anniversary of 1st loss yest. Neekos been a sweetie, I told her iv self isolated from friends, she summed it up, hard when an elephants in the room. I conscioulsy thought will try & hook up with bf with new dd & try & talk thru feelings a bit, but felt I had to justify recognising dates & feeling sad, think the angers been brewing since that call yest, woke up angry thinking about it. Also bf of 25 yrs has many issues (mostly self inflicted) she is full of anger & v self obsessed but really has no problems... It hurts she has not made any attempt to be there for me as Iv been like her personal counsellor for most of our lives, but since my dad & losing the babies its like she cant be bothered cos the attentions not on her.. Im really sorry and to all for just rambling & venting away.. Think I need to go to bed & wake up again next year tomorrow...! Its grey & rainy here & thats not helping & Iv just been trying to train & pass on the 13ys of knowledge Iv acquired doing the job I love to a 24yr old jobsworth frosty face who will now manage the area I specialise in & have to leave in about 2wks.
Oh woe bloody me eh? Im very at myself here. sorry all....

Hi Everyone

work is getting in the way of my mnetting at the mo - am away on business again and working crazy hours. I get home late tonight, then fly out on hols in the morning, so may not get to post much other than bits and pieces from my phone.

Rest assured I will be lurking and cheering everyone on. Huge hugs for those that need it - I will be there with you in spirit tomorrow MLS and check for news from the airport lounge.

As for me - sore boobs, intermittent nausea, ridiculous insomnia and no AF

Fertility Friend tells me "You are past your usual luteal phase. You may take a test, you may be pregnant!"

I doubt it somehow, but will keep you posted

Hello ladies, not been on for a while but I have given myself a few projects in the house to get done before lo arrives so been keeping very busy but having a much needed feet up day today so here for a catch up.

mls just had a quick look back at what happened with your scan, so sorry it wasn't the best news but don't give up on you little bean in there. I know you will have heard all the stories but the dates can so easily be out at this stage and you hpt test sounds very good. The emotions that we go through are torture, no other word for it, but I keep remembering the nightmare that vjay had to go through in the early days with Alex and just look at her now, hold onto that thought.

4ever keep clinging onto the hope stories hun. As you know my story has been going on nearly 2 years and deep down I had given up hope although I wouldn't fully admit it to myself. DH and I had basically said lets try one more time and what will be will be. I fell preg this time fully expecting to go on and mc again, the tears when I seen a hb this time were as much shock as relief. I finished work after being made redundant the day before I fell preg this time so I know the worry that also brings. In fact with each of my mc's the financial situation would have been perfect to have a baby, this time round it is not ideal and look what happens, it's almost like it's against the odds. Eight years ago today I married my fabulous DH, that day we could only see happy times and we had no idea the road that lay ahead for us but it has made us who we are, both together and as a family. Sorry if I am rambling (very sentimental these days) but I guess what I am trying to say is don't give up and even on the dark days keep clinging onto those stories of hope, it's the only way we get through them. I truely believe that you and your DH will be parents one day and your experiences together will go on to make you just the best parents ever...................your time will come.

barbie thinking about you today as I knew what this date mean't. Glad you sound upbeat, what a difference a year makes.

fifi sorry you are finding it hard atm, some of the days just seem so dark but it does get better and you do get through them. We have all been there so feel free to get it all out on here anytime.

hoping we took 6 months out ttc for our sanity, it just got to the point where I knew we had to. I know this time round I was in a much better place both physically and mentally and I believe it made a difference. Now I am sitting here 24 weeks preg feeling my lo kick away. I hope I will be sitting in 2010 reading about you feeling you lo kick.

vjay not posted yet but Alex is gorgeous, so happy for you hun and love the name. I am sure his big brother just loves having him around. DD for the first time felt her little brother or sister kick this morning, her face was a picture, another precious moment to remember.

cupcake congrats on your BFP, you must be thrilled, so happy for you.

Not much to report here, been really busy painting and stuff like that but time to give my back a rest now. Going to catch up with the rest of the thread then go decide what to cook for DH tonight for our anniversary dinner, sun is out here so thinking will probably cook on the bar-b-q before it goes away for the winter. Big waves to blue, jools, neeko, curly, mermaid, gracie, kate, moon, sabs, annie, lbm, baking, lionstar, iggy and sorry if I have missed anyone. Will post properly to you all later xx.

4ever and fifi have a hug xxxxxxxx

hello all... apologies for this post in advance...

I think everyone who says stuff is worse with AF is right - and mine is making me miserable again. I keep having dreams where I am pregnant or have a baby - which I think means my mind is dwelling on it far too much.

I heard yesterday that a friend is PG - last time I saw her we met another friend who was PG at the time (now has a baby) and I have realised that actually all 3 of us were PG at the time... She is due a week before i would have been - she got PG on honey moon - first attempt - and is 3 yrs older than me. Am feeling v. sad

mls am thinking of you - but do take heart from all the positive stories xx

moon am with you on this...

cupcake I really thought we would both get PG the same month too but am still so happy for you. Move to near me!

barbie so excited you felt your LO move - and I know that things will be ok for me really, your story is lovely.

mermaid neeko et al... thank you for all being lovely.

I will be back xxxx