Mid 30's TTC - you're my BESH mate you are..... <hic hic>

ski You are no way going to last until Monday and then just casually purchase a POAS. If you even last until the weekend you will drive yourself into a 2WOOFL frenzy and be admitted to the local psych unit. (I'm just letting you know what to expect so you're not surprised when it happens.)

It's my birthday so champagne all round!!! Now let's see, birthday today, going on holiday on Sunday, sure to ov sometime soon... is it my turn to win a baybee??

Oh, and just for something special since it's my birthday, I tried the 'getting acquainted with what's going on up the lady tunnel' malarkey. (TMI alert) I am pretty sure I figured out what was the cervix and had a good feel. If it's what I think it is, it is not at the end of the lane at all. It is sort of like a side street entrance just off to the side near the end. Is this what they mean by a tilted cervix, or have I totally got the wrong thing here?

Oh, and whoever had scrambled egg-like discharge at the weekend, there is sort of a category for that in the cervical fluid analysis I have been studying. Described as crumbly (photo looks crumbly white and a bit like cottage cheese) or rubbery and gummy (photo looks a bit like gummy glue that has dried into little balls). If it was like either of these it's normal and classed as "sticky".

Can't believe I am writing such delightfully vivid descriptions. It has taken me this long to not be frightened to read this section of the book. It is all feeling a bit strange to suddenly be studying my lady fluid. I know others have read this book before. Please tell me the truth, does this way madness lie?

diamond The "upside" of my early-mc was being able to re-set the cycle clock. This is now in total cycle 11 for me - thank the lord for short cycles. I've noticed that those trying for a very long time tend to remove themselves from the bus - it's just too much of a kick in the face when everyone else appears to be so fertile.

bessie over the past week I've had negs from two CBDs and several cheap sticks - so really best to give it a rest and hold hands with zirc (a few knuckle crushing episodes might be required).

A nice Chardonnay, methinks, to accompany the fruity oat bars, cheers zirc

Keep your chin up, Curly - it ain't over till you hear 'help me Obi Wan Kenobi - you're my only hope'...

Morning fabulous BESH's

Ski and Curly can we all hold hands and chant "do not POAS, do not POAS"?

I have just felt a tell-tale twinge, although I have extremely sore boobs and absolutely no other symptoms to imagine. Previous cycles are anything from 24 to 34 days although for the past 10 TTC cycles I've been 26-29. Today is 26 and I'm distraught because I just know the evil robot in diguise its on fooking way. I've also noticed on the bus I have the highest number of cycles. I'm last in the queue for ripe juicy eggs, I'm never going to have a baybeeeee aaarghhhhh.

Sorry, I'm losing it, I don't know if I cna do this anymore and I'm sorry for being so negative and depressive.

I made (lovingly) some delicious fruity oat bars last night for you all, please help yourself. Pass me a bottle.

Curly Caspar - 4 tests I did said no. I finally got a positive 2 days before R2D2 due from one of those tests that actually spells it out and tells you how many weeks gone you are. To prolong the 2WOOFL you should maybe try again with a different test...

ebay cheapie says no... (lack of willpower, I know)
yes, ski have you POAS yet?????

hi Bessie - It's Day Of 1000 Meetings for me I'm afraid. I've not POAS because if my cycle is 28 days then I'll get R2D2 on Saturday so I'm actually going to show some restraint and buy a piss-stick on Monday if I need one. All symptoms have gone for now, so I'm loathe to get a faint BFP again and then a "late" period - it's just too heartbreaking.

Oi, where the hell are you all? Ski, have you poas yet?

Peed on far too many sticks last week! Giving it a rest till the droid shows or I reach day 35. Got a stupidly stressful week ahead anyway without staring at it all down a "there's a baby in my belly" barrel and being on planet mum-to-be (wishful thinking).

My Grandma boils ALL pants, be they mine, hers, whoever's (sadly just her own to boil now). Her mum was uber-cleanliness-obsessed (6 children in pressed, starched linen outfits every single day, etc.) and Gran was in service after leaving school (ie a maid), so she's never known anything but the utmost cleanliness. My Mum is v smug that she has never once had to nag my Dad (Gran's his mum) about washing, hygiene, leaving dirty clothes around or doing household cleaning. Just nag him about everything else, mind, but never for dirtiness.

It's always the skinny ones who are oversized in one particular area. Trust me

Scorpette I do own an iron and it's invaluable for waxing my skis and I'm delighted to report that I once lived in a house 3 years before I unpacked it. I am a proud member of WAIF - the Women's Anti-Ironing Federation.

I'm a little saddened though by the fact your grandmother felt your pants NEEDED boiling.

Hung like a ... er horse I heard - that's why Cosmo's interested.

POAS Curly!

POAS CURLY, POAS! And Ski too - for my sanity if not for anything else!

Great tip, by the way, Curly, but TYF is whippet-thin and the legs of some of his pants (trunks) are a bit tight on my thighs of doom (I've tried wearing them before)

VAG - I don't stress about changing the spunky sheets if it's not washing day either, don't worry. And I don't even own an iron. The creases come out fine once hung up for about 48 hours. Or at least that's what I tell myself My Gran would be ashamed - once, I was staying with hers and she offered to wash my pants (white with a black and white stripy waistband). She BOILED them... and they came out all white, no black on the waistband. She's nearly 90, so pant-boiling is clearly the way forward.

I'm slowly but surely outing myself as the slovenly skankho that I am, aren't I? Hygiene-obsessed, maybe, but a slattern in all other ways. Extreme and her dressing gown are but mere pretenders to my grubby crown! I miss Extreme

Ski - you mean Cosmo's husband is called Sir Prance-a-lot? He must get a lot of stick at work!

Welcome back gin and hello new gin drinkers

A squelchy SWI tip: Exchange old pants for his pants - a nice snug pair of boxers will hold it all in, and there's a smug feeling of satisfaction that you're messing his undies rather than your own. I also concur with doing it on his side of the bed and orgasming - or at least doing the manual equivalent by pumping your pelvic muscles to get it right up there.

Today's peeing so far: 3am, 6am, 8am, 9am, 10.30am, noon (looooooong meeting with legs crossed) 3.30pm, 5pm.

My head hurts, I've had a shit day at work and the droid remains awol. First cycle off pill was 35 days, second 29. This is 32 (I think, must go and check on another thread)

Lining up shots of whisky all round. I need it.

juices wash out though, don't they? - and they are just our juices! Perhaps I have a cavalier attitude to hygiene akin to Scorpy's MIL after all... I just thought it was, well, ok to just leave it....

I hasten to add that our bedding is changed weekly and ironed (this makes all the difference of course).

Scorpette I beg to differ, Cosmosis's husband and my horse share the same name.

My tip on dealing with spillage? Combine wiping up spillage with a lesson for men on "next time you should take your dirty washing to the laundry basket". Lessons are learned quickly.

All the ladeeeez who want yer baybeeez - we need a new thread title.

Speaking of which, where the fuck is longwee and my baybeee?

Thanks Scorps - so that's side-towel-tissues-old pants - oh the unbridled romance of it all - swoon

PS I wouldn't care if Preseed was called 'Neurotic Baby-Craver's Big Dry Vag Sorter' so long as it works

WELCOME BACK GIN! The violence quota has been a bit low of late, so I think all of need a good hiding off you

Don't look to me for everyone's Preseed knowledge - I only used the horrible applicator once and if we do use it, I just take the advice of Henry Cooper and splash it on all over. Well, all over our rude bits - don't think I need any behind the ears. Can't see thrush cream being the greatest lube in the world, whether TTC or not, sorry

Have just received my bumper pack of high-sensitivity POK n diff tests off eBay (the TTC-Mentalist's best friend). There will be no escape for my eggy friend, buahaha.

Ski - I have the last 5 of your symptoms permanently, which makes 2WOOFLing even harder to distinguish. Really hope this is your time. Remember, though, that names that suit horses aren't necessarily great for human infants.

VAG et al - don't worry about not getting all the different terms and acronyms, etc.: I only worked out that DPO meant days past ovulation (is that right?) yesterday. DURR!

RunnyLyra - lying on your side does reduce spillage slightly. And having a towel handy to lie on would be sensible. And a big box of tissues. And some old pants to wear.

ski you are diffed. Bets.

Right diamond, I can double your pee quota from 7am alone. I've never had boob hurtage but I was sure I was more veiny the other day - this forms part of the madness of course.

Bessie I would love to keep you company I really would.

I'm now dreaming of fudge .

I've got the most irritating itchy nips I've ever had EVER. Metal Mickey is due shortly and although I will be crying into my gin again, I have decided to fully embrace the 2WOOLF for the next few days.

ski I have peed approx 5 times today, although I have an addiction for green tea (to balance out the gin of course) so I might be clutching at straws.

Shall I put some chill out tunes on?

Aha, now that makes sense.

I worked out R2D2 as RTOD ie red tide of doom??

I just think of it as my period but I haven't been around here long!

Refuse point blank to call it Auntie Flo.

WOOFL not WOOLF!

Morris: 2 weeks of obsessive fucking lunacy (copyright ginhag, I believe). Have you figured out R2D2?? That's almost impossible if you haven't read every post of every Gin thread!

Ski, if you're weeing more than once an hour, it's either a baybeeee or cystitis! Seriously, that's a hell of a list of symptoms